Sept 28-Oct1, 2003 "Together"Walk to Dal Lake vs My Need for Solitude "What I Learnt About Loving God by 'not listening' at the Kabbalah Class"
I know, I know....I will have to very quickly go through this week from Sunday 28th (after the Chag) until today, Wednesday October 1st....I have had no inclination to write, not even in my journal, so have just written some notes so as not to forget what has been going on...nothing much actually....just in short however, before the details,
The guesthouse is not the same (at least for me) these days....One of the Israeli girls here is the type of Israeli I really don't like so I try to keep my distance, and everyone else is nice but somehow the energies are different..
But it is all for the best...I am spending most of my days alone which is what I should be doing anyway, the reason I came here in the first place. Am finishing up a course in Kabbalah and Letters at Beit Chabad and it is interesting but too much "chazara b'tshuva"( trying to bring me back to Judaism preaching) for me and it is getting on my nerves...tomorrow is the last day. Met a nice Israeli lady there around my age (!) she is 49! and also the mother of the wife of the Rabbi is here and she is also a nice lady, but again, not really what I need ....and all the other people I meet these days are foreigners who are all either practicing buddists or studdying buddhism...I'm the only one around it seems who is not....it is really weird. Most of them are either quite young or much older Americans...and it is so funny for me to hear them talking about practices and prostrating and gods and monks and nuns and retreats etc., etc. I hope to be seeing one of them this week just for a meal and will simply ask her what brought her to want to study buddhism...I am really curious what all these ameircans find here....me myself, don't even have an urge to see the Dalai Lama this time....
I've been walking alot and just being with ME and it is fine. I have found some new places to walk which are not dangerous (I've been told) and so will still have enough places to walk...and will let you know how the walking goes...the weather is marvelous....like beautiful spring days with clear skies and very dry weather...almost like hamsin...I can feel it in my nose and my joints are sort of bothering me but nothing terrible. Clothes actually dry (after being hung dripping wet so as not to have to iron them) over nite, and they are not simply "almost" dry and slightly damp and cold, but crispy dry!!! My insense lites immediately and it is really nice not to have to carry my umbrella around all over.
Well, back to my notes now starting with last sunday:
I am a funny person who likes solitude I guess or perhaps the company today was just not what I like: A few days ago I suggested to a quiet Israeli girl here that we walk up to the Tibetan Children's Village and Dal Lake (so I wouldn't have to go alone-but I think next time it will be no problem...)and before I realized it, 8 people were in the group including a couple of people that really give me bad vibes. Anyway, it was an opportunity to check out the "dangerous" woods path but when we got there - to the path- this other Israeli girl, one of the "bad vibes" people said - "no, no, I have a much better way of going"...but it included tramping straight down and cutting across the mountain with no path and I certainly didn't want to do that...nor could one of the other ladies...so 3 of us "older" ones-my being by far the oldest - set out and we agreed to meet at the lake. Well, these other 2 ladies walked at a frantic pace with the goal of "getting there" I really walk just for the fun of walking but had to keep up and didn't enjoy a minute of the walk...but we all got to the lake (I cheated, last 1 km. UP was very steep and so I hitched a ride up)....We all met there but I was already kind of "not with the group" and when they decided to continue to climb up to the next village, I declined using my knees as an excuse and they simply said "so take a rickshaw up and back" but in the end I just walked back alone to McLeod (afterwards I found out they only walked another 10 minutes up and then all took a rickshaw all the way back to McLeod, so I actually did the most walking of everyone). I walked back down alone at my own pace and REALLY enjoyed myself. It was about 8-9 km up and back and I really think climbing UP is very bad for me. Down or straight is no problem and I could have walked even longer. I will stick to myself from now on. and do it at MY pace and enjoy what I like about walking. They probably haved pegged me as "that old anti-social lady" as last nite they also had a drinking party at the local pub which I never turned up for....I've decided this morning, even before the walk-to get away and tomorrow will start the Kabbalah class at Beit Chabad, and if it means missing the Dalai Lama-well...I've done it once and it was amazing, but perhaps once is enough.
See the following post for some interesting insights re: the above walk which was written quite some time later and appears on my other blog :
http://mindfulnessjournal.blogspot.com
There are really some funny American ladies here older, almost my age but not quite...and it is so funny to sit with them in the restaurant and hear them talking...they are paranoid about dirt and food etc. and are always sick but have to "make the sacrifice" for buddhism...it is all very weird and very foreign to me...
The other night after coming out of nicks from the rooftop, inside the music playing was Eyal Golan(!) but one of his really beautiful songs which we also dance in folk dancing and for a few minutes I really missed my music, and all night long the song was going through my head and even woke up with it still in the morning!...but these moments pass very quickly and so far I am fine. Have priced players here and they are about 1/2 the price as at home but I am not sure about the quality...anyone have any comments about making sure I get something good?
Over the last few days I've been checking out different guesthouses just to see what my options are, but have still not found any with the wonderful energies I feel at Kailwood, even with different people there....so for now I will stay. If I ever come back here with someone else and can afford a little better room, would love to try the lovely room at Cheryton I mentioned in one of my letters...but time will telll....any takers??
Something I jotted down during class today at Beit Chabad while "not listening" to the Rav..."he seems to be trying to shake my faith in God by trying to prove that if I do not follow all the mitzvot (commandments) I am not truly connected to God and this is not true. Torah is ONE way of knowing our soul and being close to God. It is not the ONLY way and I don't believe God meant it to be. Maybe for some it is THE proper way and even the most direct way, but it is not the way God meant for me to know Him and Love Him. I know this to be true ;with all my heart and soul and even find myself annoyed at the continued preaching I am hearing today and may leave at the recess"
Well, in the end I stayed and will do the last day only because of some things I need clarified....
In short, life is beautiful, I am finding more and more peace in my solitude and less inclined to meet new people, quite at peace with the feeling...at the same time, I would love to be able to share the magical, mystical wonder of this place with someone who could enjoy it on the same level, and in the same way, as I do. I sometimes just sit and look at the mountains and begin to cry from joy and thank God for getting me here again. I FEEL him in the mountains here and feel His presence more strongly every day...
Well, that's it for now...really nothing very exciting and for some reason don't have the urge to write in detail as I did earlier...I guess it is where I am meant to be right now...so if you don't hear from me everyday from now on...please do not worry....
Looking forward to hearing from all of you who have not written...and you certainly know who you are!!
The guesthouse is not the same (at least for me) these days....One of the Israeli girls here is the type of Israeli I really don't like so I try to keep my distance, and everyone else is nice but somehow the energies are different..
But it is all for the best...I am spending most of my days alone which is what I should be doing anyway, the reason I came here in the first place. Am finishing up a course in Kabbalah and Letters at Beit Chabad and it is interesting but too much "chazara b'tshuva"( trying to bring me back to Judaism preaching) for me and it is getting on my nerves...tomorrow is the last day. Met a nice Israeli lady there around my age (!) she is 49! and also the mother of the wife of the Rabbi is here and she is also a nice lady, but again, not really what I need ....and all the other people I meet these days are foreigners who are all either practicing buddists or studdying buddhism...I'm the only one around it seems who is not....it is really weird. Most of them are either quite young or much older Americans...and it is so funny for me to hear them talking about practices and prostrating and gods and monks and nuns and retreats etc., etc. I hope to be seeing one of them this week just for a meal and will simply ask her what brought her to want to study buddhism...I am really curious what all these ameircans find here....me myself, don't even have an urge to see the Dalai Lama this time....
I've been walking alot and just being with ME and it is fine. I have found some new places to walk which are not dangerous (I've been told) and so will still have enough places to walk...and will let you know how the walking goes...the weather is marvelous....like beautiful spring days with clear skies and very dry weather...almost like hamsin...I can feel it in my nose and my joints are sort of bothering me but nothing terrible. Clothes actually dry (after being hung dripping wet so as not to have to iron them) over nite, and they are not simply "almost" dry and slightly damp and cold, but crispy dry!!! My insense lites immediately and it is really nice not to have to carry my umbrella around all over.
Well, back to my notes now starting with last sunday:
I am a funny person who likes solitude I guess or perhaps the company today was just not what I like: A few days ago I suggested to a quiet Israeli girl here that we walk up to the Tibetan Children's Village and Dal Lake (so I wouldn't have to go alone-but I think next time it will be no problem...)and before I realized it, 8 people were in the group including a couple of people that really give me bad vibes. Anyway, it was an opportunity to check out the "dangerous" woods path but when we got there - to the path- this other Israeli girl, one of the "bad vibes" people said - "no, no, I have a much better way of going"...but it included tramping straight down and cutting across the mountain with no path and I certainly didn't want to do that...nor could one of the other ladies...so 3 of us "older" ones-my being by far the oldest - set out and we agreed to meet at the lake. Well, these other 2 ladies walked at a frantic pace with the goal of "getting there" I really walk just for the fun of walking but had to keep up and didn't enjoy a minute of the walk...but we all got to the lake (I cheated, last 1 km. UP was very steep and so I hitched a ride up)....We all met there but I was already kind of "not with the group" and when they decided to continue to climb up to the next village, I declined using my knees as an excuse and they simply said "so take a rickshaw up and back" but in the end I just walked back alone to McLeod (afterwards I found out they only walked another 10 minutes up and then all took a rickshaw all the way back to McLeod, so I actually did the most walking of everyone). I walked back down alone at my own pace and REALLY enjoyed myself. It was about 8-9 km up and back and I really think climbing UP is very bad for me. Down or straight is no problem and I could have walked even longer. I will stick to myself from now on. and do it at MY pace and enjoy what I like about walking. They probably haved pegged me as "that old anti-social lady" as last nite they also had a drinking party at the local pub which I never turned up for....I've decided this morning, even before the walk-to get away and tomorrow will start the Kabbalah class at Beit Chabad, and if it means missing the Dalai Lama-well...I've done it once and it was amazing, but perhaps once is enough.
See the following post for some interesting insights re: the above walk which was written quite some time later and appears on my other blog :
http://mindfulnessjournal.blogspot.com
There are really some funny American ladies here older, almost my age but not quite...and it is so funny to sit with them in the restaurant and hear them talking...they are paranoid about dirt and food etc. and are always sick but have to "make the sacrifice" for buddhism...it is all very weird and very foreign to me...
The other night after coming out of nicks from the rooftop, inside the music playing was Eyal Golan(!) but one of his really beautiful songs which we also dance in folk dancing and for a few minutes I really missed my music, and all night long the song was going through my head and even woke up with it still in the morning!...but these moments pass very quickly and so far I am fine. Have priced players here and they are about 1/2 the price as at home but I am not sure about the quality...anyone have any comments about making sure I get something good?
Over the last few days I've been checking out different guesthouses just to see what my options are, but have still not found any with the wonderful energies I feel at Kailwood, even with different people there....so for now I will stay. If I ever come back here with someone else and can afford a little better room, would love to try the lovely room at Cheryton I mentioned in one of my letters...but time will telll....any takers??
Something I jotted down during class today at Beit Chabad while "not listening" to the Rav..."he seems to be trying to shake my faith in God by trying to prove that if I do not follow all the mitzvot (commandments) I am not truly connected to God and this is not true. Torah is ONE way of knowing our soul and being close to God. It is not the ONLY way and I don't believe God meant it to be. Maybe for some it is THE proper way and even the most direct way, but it is not the way God meant for me to know Him and Love Him. I know this to be true ;with all my heart and soul and even find myself annoyed at the continued preaching I am hearing today and may leave at the recess"
Well, in the end I stayed and will do the last day only because of some things I need clarified....
In short, life is beautiful, I am finding more and more peace in my solitude and less inclined to meet new people, quite at peace with the feeling...at the same time, I would love to be able to share the magical, mystical wonder of this place with someone who could enjoy it on the same level, and in the same way, as I do. I sometimes just sit and look at the mountains and begin to cry from joy and thank God for getting me here again. I FEEL him in the mountains here and feel His presence more strongly every day...
Well, that's it for now...really nothing very exciting and for some reason don't have the urge to write in detail as I did earlier...I guess it is where I am meant to be right now...so if you don't hear from me everyday from now on...please do not worry....
Looking forward to hearing from all of you who have not written...and you certainly know who you are!!
posted by Jane @ 3:36 PM
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