Oct. 3, 2001 Aley Sinai Terrorist Attack / Dispelling a Myth
Well, it is difficult to write to day, the day after and after many e-mails and phone calls home I have decided not to make a decision about coming yet for the next few days.
But it has been one of the most trying experiences of my life...being here, so far away, and not being even able to hug and hold my daughter in my arms, is more difficult for me ...it is almost a physical pain, this emptiness I am feeling...I should be there but of course I am not...there is no way I CAN be there right now and the decision to come home or not will be based on what happens to my daughter and her family over the next few days.
While roaming around in a complete daze yesterday, I had many mixed feelings about the situation and kept wondering if I could continue enjoying myself here without feeling guilty...I turned to God for help in find answers and also in helping me get over this confusion and inability to think...what difference would my presence there actually make in their situation right now...and I could not get there for a few days anyway...real confusion reigned and a feeling of total helplessness...anyway, while walking aimlessly through the streets, my name is called and a woman who I had met in Leh, the mother of Shlomit's friend Naama, came up to me. They had just arrived here and even funnier, by chance were staying in the same guest house as I am.
We spoke for a long time, then I also went up to speak with Kelly, my American friend, and some other people I know here, and what I learned is that even here, so far from home, there are people who care about me and spent the whole afternoon and evening helping me get through this really difficult day.
In the evening I spoke to Shira again, and now am more relaxed as she said they are going home...the kids really wanted to get back home which I guess is a good sign, and probably getting back to "normal" is the best thing to do. After the miracle of their leaving the living room for no reason just seconds before it was splayed with bullets, is something I think they have not as yet absorbed, but hopefully, by going home and being with their neighbors and friends there and in their own environment, the trauma will be eased. Hopefully professionals will also be available to help the families cope with the situation.
I just read the Jerusalem Post and the following quote was there!
"Shira Avni left with her three children to stay with her sister in Kfar Pines. "Shots were fired at our house and my husband immediately notified the security forces," she said. "Our next door neighbors, Sarita and Dror Maoz, were wounded - the terrorists sprayed their home with gunfire. At the time their three children were sleeping. I hid in the room with my children as my husband joined the security forces," she said.
"Because the government has always treated the community as temporary, suggesting that if an agreement is reached it will be dismantled, our requests to erect a fence were never taken seriously," she added. "It all comes down to politics." ""
Very strange to see her name written in print and to feel from the article that she is calm and collected, but I know that is not the case from talking to her on the phone. I hope she will get over this and get back to some semblance of a normal, fear free life. I wonder if they will continue living there? This is not the first time there have been problems there but it is certainly the worst of all previous incidence.
As for myself, finding myself so helpless as a Mother is almost devastating to me, but on the other hand, knowing that so many people both at home and here are around to help me get over this, gives me a very warm feeling. Maybe this is His way of preparing me for being away from home for a longer period of time and showing me that life goes on with or without me.
I cannot say that I am really happy today, but I am alot calmer and less confused than I was yesterday and I guess that's the best I can expect at the moment. I wanted to write about the walk I had yesterday up into the mountains but it seems so trivial now. It was something which dispelled a myth about myself that I had believed since I was a little girl and at some point became an actual walking meditation bringing up all kinds of images in recall from my very early childhood. I had always believed, and did so up until yesterday, that I could not walk or hike etc. like most people since for some reason my constitution would not allow it.
Well I found out differently yesterday after walking for 3 hours up and down the mountain, /....hopefully I will write more about my feelings but right now, as I said, it mostly seems trivial even though I had, before checking the e-mail yesterday, the most exhilarating feeling I've had in more years than I can remember. It has kind of been overshadowed by what followed, but not wiped out...the feeling is still smoldering somewhere inside and Iimagine will re-surface to be experienced to the fullest at some later date and then I will write about it more fully.
But it has been one of the most trying experiences of my life...being here, so far away, and not being even able to hug and hold my daughter in my arms, is more difficult for me ...it is almost a physical pain, this emptiness I am feeling...I should be there but of course I am not...there is no way I CAN be there right now and the decision to come home or not will be based on what happens to my daughter and her family over the next few days.
While roaming around in a complete daze yesterday, I had many mixed feelings about the situation and kept wondering if I could continue enjoying myself here without feeling guilty...I turned to God for help in find answers and also in helping me get over this confusion and inability to think...what difference would my presence there actually make in their situation right now...and I could not get there for a few days anyway...real confusion reigned and a feeling of total helplessness...anyway, while walking aimlessly through the streets, my name is called and a woman who I had met in Leh, the mother of Shlomit's friend Naama, came up to me. They had just arrived here and even funnier, by chance were staying in the same guest house as I am.
We spoke for a long time, then I also went up to speak with Kelly, my American friend, and some other people I know here, and what I learned is that even here, so far from home, there are people who care about me and spent the whole afternoon and evening helping me get through this really difficult day.
In the evening I spoke to Shira again, and now am more relaxed as she said they are going home...the kids really wanted to get back home which I guess is a good sign, and probably getting back to "normal" is the best thing to do. After the miracle of their leaving the living room for no reason just seconds before it was splayed with bullets, is something I think they have not as yet absorbed, but hopefully, by going home and being with their neighbors and friends there and in their own environment, the trauma will be eased. Hopefully professionals will also be available to help the families cope with the situation.
I just read the Jerusalem Post and the following quote was there!
"Shira Avni left with her three children to stay with her sister in Kfar Pines. "Shots were fired at our house and my husband immediately notified the security forces," she said. "Our next door neighbors, Sarita and Dror Maoz, were wounded - the terrorists sprayed their home with gunfire. At the time their three children were sleeping. I hid in the room with my children as my husband joined the security forces," she said.
"Because the government has always treated the community as temporary, suggesting that if an agreement is reached it will be dismantled, our requests to erect a fence were never taken seriously," she added. "It all comes down to politics." ""
Very strange to see her name written in print and to feel from the article that she is calm and collected, but I know that is not the case from talking to her on the phone. I hope she will get over this and get back to some semblance of a normal, fear free life. I wonder if they will continue living there? This is not the first time there have been problems there but it is certainly the worst of all previous incidence.
As for myself, finding myself so helpless as a Mother is almost devastating to me, but on the other hand, knowing that so many people both at home and here are around to help me get over this, gives me a very warm feeling. Maybe this is His way of preparing me for being away from home for a longer period of time and showing me that life goes on with or without me.
I cannot say that I am really happy today, but I am alot calmer and less confused than I was yesterday and I guess that's the best I can expect at the moment. I wanted to write about the walk I had yesterday up into the mountains but it seems so trivial now. It was something which dispelled a myth about myself that I had believed since I was a little girl and at some point became an actual walking meditation bringing up all kinds of images in recall from my very early childhood. I had always believed, and did so up until yesterday, that I could not walk or hike etc. like most people since for some reason my constitution would not allow it.
Well I found out differently yesterday after walking for 3 hours up and down the mountain, /....hopefully I will write more about my feelings but right now, as I said, it mostly seems trivial even though I had, before checking the e-mail yesterday, the most exhilarating feeling I've had in more years than I can remember. It has kind of been overshadowed by what followed, but not wiped out...the feeling is still smoldering somewhere inside and Iimagine will re-surface to be experienced to the fullest at some later date and then I will write about it more fully.
posted by Jane @ 2:53 PM
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