Nov. 1, 2003 Introspection before Leaving

This "vacation" in Bhagsu is not a day too early...I am feeling very tired and even a little down. I know it is a combination of not sleeping well at nite (SOMETHING bit me again(!) and this time it is all over my back...could be bedbugs but I don't know where I picked them up this time...last time I thought it was from something I brushed against in the woods when I was peeing, and thought so this time as well,.,,,but now my friend Evelyn who just got back from delhi, has the same type of marks which she picked up there...who knows...all I know is they are driving me crazy!-they itch like hell and nothing really helps....
So...not sleeping well at nite, weather changing frequently-now it is really cold and damp and less sunny, the prospect of going to Delhi, by bus no less, and of course leaving here to come home. I am really ready to come home but it seems not quite ready to leave HERE...quite a dilemma...but it is taking its toll on my mood...when I walk around now I know it will not be for long and when I climb a path and I know it is probabaly the last time for quite awhile. I also know that my next trip will certainly be different than this one...as was this one different from the last one!...So I am now at the end of an expereince and of course what awaits me is the unknown...and SO much unknown awaits me. I am not afraid of what is ahead, actually quite looking forward to it...but it is still unknown and unknown is not easy to face for any of us. So, in short, I am tired, want to be alone, don't feel like doing anything (except eating and NONE of you who know me will believe what has happened to me this trip!)...I don't believe it myself when I bother to take a look at myself...

I don't want any of you to worry....just writing what I feel as I always do...all will be well, the time will pass quickly, and I will land, uneventfully on the 11th at night.

That's it for today....