Insights Into Indian Family Life and Cultural Norms
The other day, there was some kind of hassle between Ravin and his parents, and when he came back into the room where I was sitting, he looked both devastated and angry at the same time...and I had never seen emotions in Ravin so I was quite surprise. Initially when I asked him, he said it's nothing, but then I became insistent on knowing as I thought perhaps it something to do with me and was quite uncomfortable. He assured me that it had absolutely nothing to do with me and it was standard for him and his parents ..he must get a job he must get married...but his father went so far as to say, if you don't get married because you have to take care of me, I will stop my dialysis...that is one serious form of parental blackmail, believe me. His father doesn't see it as such, he just sees it as worry about his son who is giving up his own personal life to care for him...
At any rate, at one point, Ravin's father called me to come and speak to him and I couldn't understand why.. Ravin had probably said something that I felt uncomfortable about continuing to stay here at this difficult time for them...he called ,me into the room and assured me, in a very gentle and loving way, that they are thrilled that I am here, I should give no thought to changing my plans, and never feel that I am in any way a problem for them...he spoke so lovingly and gently, that if cultural things had not gotten in the way, I would have easily hugged him. Once I got back into the room I began to cry and Ravin was quite taken aback.. I was really overwhelmed by my emotions as this sweet gentle, intelligent man is very ill and probably does not have many more years to live...and I felt the pain of good people in bad situations. Not only that, in many ways he reminds me of my own father...basically shy and unable to express emotions in words, but warm, and gentle and loving and sociable at the same time....His mother on the other hand is quite a difficult, dominating, demanding, controlling woman and I agree with Ravin that NO woman would be able to come and live here with her as a daughter-in-law and he is really in a bad position. I doubt he will get married any time in the near future and this is very difficult, if not impossible for his parents to accept...I hope at least he finds a job, although he is not too keen on going back into a hi-pressured job...which is what he probably will wind up doing in the end...with all the pressures he has at home, it will be quite difficult for him. A true no win situation...too bad...they are all good people caught up in a very difficult situation, much of it having to do with cultural norms.
I am a temporary guest passing through their lives and still being asked to influence him to get married...but obviously I cannot do that...he needs to live his own life in the limited way his circumstances allow...he's got girlfriends now and then, and many friends on chats where he spends hours a day...I think he is also enjoying the opportunity of having someone else in the house to talk to...at any rate, perhaps that is the reason I was sent here...to somehow ease the very tense situation in this house...certainly not a healthy situation for anyone involved...
I myself am most enjoying myself here however and the truth is it will be quite hard to leave...but I will do it when the time comes and also enjoy getting off on my own...I am very much alone here also, but still obligated to family meal times etc.
At any rate, at one point, Ravin's father called me to come and speak to him and I couldn't understand why.. Ravin had probably said something that I felt uncomfortable about continuing to stay here at this difficult time for them...he called ,me into the room and assured me, in a very gentle and loving way, that they are thrilled that I am here, I should give no thought to changing my plans, and never feel that I am in any way a problem for them...he spoke so lovingly and gently, that if cultural things had not gotten in the way, I would have easily hugged him. Once I got back into the room I began to cry and Ravin was quite taken aback.. I was really overwhelmed by my emotions as this sweet gentle, intelligent man is very ill and probably does not have many more years to live...and I felt the pain of good people in bad situations. Not only that, in many ways he reminds me of my own father...basically shy and unable to express emotions in words, but warm, and gentle and loving and sociable at the same time....His mother on the other hand is quite a difficult, dominating, demanding, controlling woman and I agree with Ravin that NO woman would be able to come and live here with her as a daughter-in-law and he is really in a bad position. I doubt he will get married any time in the near future and this is very difficult, if not impossible for his parents to accept...I hope at least he finds a job, although he is not too keen on going back into a hi-pressured job...which is what he probably will wind up doing in the end...with all the pressures he has at home, it will be quite difficult for him. A true no win situation...too bad...they are all good people caught up in a very difficult situation, much of it having to do with cultural norms.
I am a temporary guest passing through their lives and still being asked to influence him to get married...but obviously I cannot do that...he needs to live his own life in the limited way his circumstances allow...he's got girlfriends now and then, and many friends on chats where he spends hours a day...I think he is also enjoying the opportunity of having someone else in the house to talk to...at any rate, perhaps that is the reason I was sent here...to somehow ease the very tense situation in this house...certainly not a healthy situation for anyone involved...
I myself am most enjoying myself here however and the truth is it will be quite hard to leave...but I will do it when the time comes and also enjoy getting off on my own...I am very much alone here also, but still obligated to family meal times etc.
posted by Jane @ 8:36 PM
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