October 30, 2004- Lessons and Impressions
Dear All,
Well, this is going to be an entry with alot of unconnected stuff in it but different impressions which I never did put down on paper during that period of time I didn't feel the desire to be writing. And then a second lesson which came to me very powerfully over the past couple of days and a realization of just how closely our soul and body are connected with each other....
First the lesson and understanding part of the entry....skip it if you so choose...delete it all if you feel inclined...this is mostly for me today!
I had been having pain in my right knee for several months, actually started around the time Avik revelaed his "little deceit" to me...but never paid attention to the timing or looked for anything other than a physical reason for the pain...despite the fact that it was nothing I had ever felt before and I have had other problems with both knees in the past...anyway, about 1 1/2 months before I left I started doing regular acupuncture for it and after each session it was partially releived, but never really went away, and here, I had dondhup take care of it and also it never really left me completely. It was also one of the reasons I did much less walking this time than in past trips...What I didn't realize was, it began as soon as I started to lie to myself about my being able to stay with Avik, and also at the time that I was completely absorbed in negative emotions of fear and anger...fear of what would happen and anger at both avik and myself. From THE very day I "came clean" with Avik, until today, I haven't the slightest bit of pain whatsoever in my knee...and the knees are one of the places where the feelings of anger and pain are stored....!!!
So....There IS no separation between soul and body...we are one and the same and it is always good not to forget that...
As for lesson #2: Last few months Avik brought out the very worst in me- "demons" , patterns of behavior which I thought I had "conquered" years ago and which I worked very hard to get beyond, were all brought back to the surface and shown to me "big as life" "Take a good look!! This is YOU"...I know now that we do not truly rid ourselves of these patterns which were formed in early years, but with work can learn to rise above them...but we are always suseptible to "relapses" when we are around the wrong people, or not being true to ourselves in our daily life. It is a frightening and humbling lesson to learn! But one I am truly grateful for.
Thinking how wonderful we are that we have come so far in our personal growth and development is a sad expression of pride and ego. The only way we continue to grow is to conitnue to work. And now having learnt the second important lesson of this journey, I feel like I've done what I needed to and can come home easily and at peace with myself.
IMPRESSIONS:the mountains are dotted with wild cherry trees in bloom and there is a kind of pink "froth" wherever you look..quite beautiful. And you remember those "winter" monkeys? Well, first of all they are langurs I found out (the others are Rhesus monkeys) and one was already in the trees outside our room yesterday to eat the cherry blossoms....and now I just found out the goats from the higher mountains have also come down to pasture around here....these are all things which generally happen at least a month from now if not later...it is clear but quite crisp even in the sun, but still beautiful weather. It is also very very dry and I have a slight cough all the time as well as scratchy nose and eyes...like you might have in a chamsin.
Our room has become a sort of gathering point each evening...we always seem to have at least one extra person for dinner...usually I like it but it can get to be too much at times...on the other hand you can't tell people to just leave so they sort of come just before dinner and stay on!! It's been renamed Kibbutz Kailwood by some...But there are days when we sort of have to each eat a little less to provide for the company and we also wind up going to bed much later than usual as some of these people (mainly the Israelis) just never seem to get the hint that it is time to leave!!
All in all it has been an interesting journey...very different than the first two, but just as wonderful. I will be home in just 2 weeks and that is really hard to absorb...There is still a very slight chance that I will stay on a little longer, but feel I want to be home for Yali's birthday and also to see my relatives from the States who will be in Eilat...Does anyone know when Chanale is planning to make Yali's birthday party? If you do, please let me know so I can figure out how to be both there and in Eilat before the 20th of November. This of course, if I don't decide the last minute to extend my trip by a week or two.
that's about it for today....
My love to all...Jane
Well, this is going to be an entry with alot of unconnected stuff in it but different impressions which I never did put down on paper during that period of time I didn't feel the desire to be writing. And then a second lesson which came to me very powerfully over the past couple of days and a realization of just how closely our soul and body are connected with each other....
First the lesson and understanding part of the entry....skip it if you so choose...delete it all if you feel inclined...this is mostly for me today!
I had been having pain in my right knee for several months, actually started around the time Avik revelaed his "little deceit" to me...but never paid attention to the timing or looked for anything other than a physical reason for the pain...despite the fact that it was nothing I had ever felt before and I have had other problems with both knees in the past...anyway, about 1 1/2 months before I left I started doing regular acupuncture for it and after each session it was partially releived, but never really went away, and here, I had dondhup take care of it and also it never really left me completely. It was also one of the reasons I did much less walking this time than in past trips...What I didn't realize was, it began as soon as I started to lie to myself about my being able to stay with Avik, and also at the time that I was completely absorbed in negative emotions of fear and anger...fear of what would happen and anger at both avik and myself. From THE very day I "came clean" with Avik, until today, I haven't the slightest bit of pain whatsoever in my knee...and the knees are one of the places where the feelings of anger and pain are stored....!!!
So....There IS no separation between soul and body...we are one and the same and it is always good not to forget that...
As for lesson #2: Last few months Avik brought out the very worst in me- "demons" , patterns of behavior which I thought I had "conquered" years ago and which I worked very hard to get beyond, were all brought back to the surface and shown to me "big as life" "Take a good look!! This is YOU"...I know now that we do not truly rid ourselves of these patterns which were formed in early years, but with work can learn to rise above them...but we are always suseptible to "relapses" when we are around the wrong people, or not being true to ourselves in our daily life. It is a frightening and humbling lesson to learn! But one I am truly grateful for.
Thinking how wonderful we are that we have come so far in our personal growth and development is a sad expression of pride and ego. The only way we continue to grow is to conitnue to work. And now having learnt the second important lesson of this journey, I feel like I've done what I needed to and can come home easily and at peace with myself.
IMPRESSIONS:the mountains are dotted with wild cherry trees in bloom and there is a kind of pink "froth" wherever you look..quite beautiful. And you remember those "winter" monkeys? Well, first of all they are langurs I found out (the others are Rhesus monkeys) and one was already in the trees outside our room yesterday to eat the cherry blossoms....and now I just found out the goats from the higher mountains have also come down to pasture around here....these are all things which generally happen at least a month from now if not later...it is clear but quite crisp even in the sun, but still beautiful weather. It is also very very dry and I have a slight cough all the time as well as scratchy nose and eyes...like you might have in a chamsin.
Our room has become a sort of gathering point each evening...we always seem to have at least one extra person for dinner...usually I like it but it can get to be too much at times...on the other hand you can't tell people to just leave so they sort of come just before dinner and stay on!! It's been renamed Kibbutz Kailwood by some...But there are days when we sort of have to each eat a little less to provide for the company and we also wind up going to bed much later than usual as some of these people (mainly the Israelis) just never seem to get the hint that it is time to leave!!
All in all it has been an interesting journey...very different than the first two, but just as wonderful. I will be home in just 2 weeks and that is really hard to absorb...There is still a very slight chance that I will stay on a little longer, but feel I want to be home for Yali's birthday and also to see my relatives from the States who will be in Eilat...Does anyone know when Chanale is planning to make Yali's birthday party? If you do, please let me know so I can figure out how to be both there and in Eilat before the 20th of November. This of course, if I don't decide the last minute to extend my trip by a week or two.
that's about it for today....
My love to all...Jane
posted by Jane @ 4:16 PM
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