Jane's India Journals

What You Will Find Here

2007-09-07T11:02:00.001+03:30

Just a quick post to let you know what this is all about.

First of all, all posts have a "read more" link at the end, but in many cases the entire post is available on the page and you do not have to click the link. For very long posts however, I have truncated the post, and you can read the rest by clicking on the "read more" link at the end of the post.

I have completed posting all my journals from 3 previous trips to India in 2001, 2003 and 2004. Before the actual Journal entries begin, I have summed up all 3 trips in the following post titled "Lessons Learnt" and this will give you a good feel for how deeply India influenced me, my way of perceiving the world and myself, and what changes it initiated. I have truncated it as it is QUITE long and you can expand it to see the whole post by clicking where it says "read more"...You can easily get to this post by clicking the link on the sidebar for Previous Posts.

The 2004 Journal Entries are complete and in chronological order from first to last and most are dated. However, they do not appear in the listing of Previous Posts on the sidebar as I have reached my limit apparently...So, you can access them by going to the Archives for August and you will see all of the posts for the 2004 Trip. As I am having trouble with the blog, I may be starting a new one for my 2006 Travels, but as I have had to cancel my trip, I have time to decide.

The Journal for 2003 can be easily accessed as well for the same reasons by clicking on Sept 2006 Archives and scrolling down until you come to the first 2003 Post.

The 2001 Journal becan easily accessed as well. The first 10 posts or so are on the main page and listed in Previous Posts, and the rest are also in Sept 2006 Archives.

Any posts you do not see listed in the sidebar, can be reached by clicking on the Archives Links below the list of individual posts.

You can also check out different topics by clicking on the category links.

Now, hopefully, the next posting will be from India and my new adventures of 2006. These can be found on the new blog: http://indiajournal2006.blogspot.com which is also quite lovely. It includes my journals from two trips. February-June 2007 and February-April 2008. I am now in the process of beginning a third India blog for my upcoming trip this coming October, 2008, for 6 months.

When I have the time, I will add relevant photos to give you a better feel for each entry.
Enjoy
Jane

The Journey Inward - Lessons Learnt - A Summary of 3 Trips to India

2006-10-01T17:50:00.000+03:30

Sept 15 2001
I am surrounded here by nature and it is no wonder
that green is the color of the heart chakra. G-d has
chosen to make this the main color for all the beauty
he has created and to show us his infinite love for
all mankind.

The peacefulness and strength of the trees, they truly
do invite us to be like them "be rooted and at peace
and then grow"

Where are my roots?? Perhaps not in any PLACE
...perhaps that is part of what I am feeling...the
need to be rooted in myself no matter where I am...to
truly be one with the Universe and flow with its
overview in peace and continue to grow within myself.

October 5 2001
I am first amazed at the resiliency of the human
spirit. From feeling guilty at feeling happy to
exhilaration at dispelling a lifetime myth about
myself, all within the same day. Life does go on and
that is the beautiful part about living it to the
fullest!

In spite of crises and difficulties with coping with a
situation, life goes on and the beauty of discoveries
about ourselves and our inner strengths carry us
through.

Perhaps this inner wakening occurred in me precisely
on the same day as hearing about Shira (my daughter
whose house and family were attacked by terrorists this week)
simultaneously almost as the Universe's way of getting me through the
last couple of days or as a RESULT of my getting
through the last couple of days!! Don't know which!

Whichever-it has been an incredibly rewarding
experience for me and I will never be the same as I
was. No matter what I do when I get back to
"normal"-normal will never be the same for me as it
was just 2 months ago.

The revelations of my childhood memories during my
first long walk made me realize that many things we
believe about ourselves and allow life's experiences
to reinforce for us over the years with our own
interpretations, we are erroneously basing on false
perceptions of ourselves as children and adults. This
creates modes of behavior and beliefs which stifle our
very physical being for as much as 1/2 a century of
our lives!!

To be finally released from these beliefs-to dispel a
myth-is like being released from the shackles of a
certain type of bondage and being freed to discover
and develop all the wondrous things just waiting
inside!

That a walk in nature can do this to a person is again
proof of what I wrote awhile ago...the green of nature
is G-d's way of showing his love for all creatures on
earth and it is there, surrounded by his love that we
can truly find our selves and achieve a true feeling
of LOVE for ourselves.

I don't remember a time in my life when I felt so
invigorated and alive. and not just physically...all
my senses were totally involved in the experience
bringing me into my most inner being as well as
filling an expansiveness of my aura itself with
amazing energies, tingling through me and expanding
outward to join with the trees and mountains etc.

These days, spending time with others is almost an
intrusion... This precious gift of being with ME is a
blessing and it will be over in just a few days. I
will have a different kind of experience traveling now
with someone else which I'm sure will be no less
important and revealing to me. I am just sad that
this beautiful period of isolation by choice is coming
to an end. I feel as if I could live for months like
this and not get tired of it. There are always people
here if I want them, but being by myself has the
distinct advantage of allowing me to NOT speak with
or see anyone by choice without insulting any one or
feeling bad about going off by myself. and no
explanation is ever required! It is a true luxury.
Read On....There is MUCH MUCH MORE!!!

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 6 2001

-TREK TO THE WATERFALL

I DID IT...IT DID IT...IT DID IT... HURRAY FOR ME!

Everything on this trip up until now was child’s
play...a preparation leading up to what can only be
described as a “peak experience” as described by
Abraham Maslow. If we are lucky enough, we may have
several peak experiences in a lifetime...but these
will leave us changed forever...childbirth CAN be a
peak experience and I can honestly say that 4 of my 6
childbirth experiences were. Being at the births of
my grandchildren were for me also peak experiences.
My first truly beautiful and loving sexual experience
was also a peak experience. All of these peeled back
layers like an onion revealing inner beauty and
strengths hidden by years of conditioning and
preconceived notions and beliefs which we harbor from
childhood and reinforce year after year with our
minds, egos and physical bodies. At these times, we
see ourselves as we TRULY are and can be and can then
strive to continue to live on this new plane. These
experiences cause us to shift our perceptions and
compel us to keep reminding ourselves what a truly
amazing person we are and if we can only maintain this
awareness to recognize these wonderful strengths,
compassions, love and unity with the whole that
envelopes us at these moments, we are changed for
life.

These experiences release blockages which have been
reinforced for years and we feel a sense of unlimited
joy and peace. These feelings are not based on
outward stimuli but on the total experience of BEING
in the moment. We are simply and suddenly made aware
of, or take notice of what has always been right in
front of us but we don’t see as we have a tendency to
focus outward.

We feel suddenly completely alive and awake and aware
of our TRUE selves and the marvelous being we truly
ARE. Not how we and others perceive us to BE.

Which leads up to the following:

I did my first REAL trek today and I cannot describe
in words what it did for me but I now know what a baby
feels like the very first time he gets up and toddles
all across the room for the first time into his
Mother’s waiting arms and the meaning of his squeal of
sheer delight he lets out when he realizes what he has
just accomplished!!

I not only did this trek, but did it at the pace of
the young 30 years old who is a seasoned trekker!. We
were told the trek takes about 3-4 hours to get up to
these waterfalls. I was up there in less than 2 hours,
including a tea break and a “camera” break. I used
my whole body to navigate the very narrow footpaths
which at times were clear and just had to be carefully
walked over (forest sloping up to the right and abyss
to the left-the path just barely wide enough to stand
on with 2 feet together!), but mostly climbing up over
boulders and tree trunks and slippery rocks still wet
from the last rain. Over landslides and descending
back down over the same terrain only to climb my way
back up again...I used every muscle in my body...very
often afraid of loosing my balance and falling or
spraining an ankle. I descended in a crouching
position or actually sat on my behind and slithered
down. (it is actually Sunday now and I can tell you
that I REALLY did use every muscle in my body...they
are protesting quite loudly today!!)...at one point in
our final descent there was a 180 degree drop straight
down and we had to use a tree truck to keep us from
falling...we very often grasped fronds or grasses to
keep from sliding down very steep areas or to help
pull us up over steep climbs...and part of the way was
made more difficult by the altitude and breathing
became difficult especially on climbing (we had to do
this all AGAIN on the way down). At times we found
ourselves in very deep dark forests which kept
reminding me of the story of Hansel and Gretle getting
lost in the forest for some reason...There were a
couple of times where I lagged behind and became quite
frightened that I couldn’t make it but had no
choice...had to catch up...I ask myself a couple of
times “WHAT are you doing here and WHY are you doing
this!!!” But in the end we came to this paradise of
aqua green pools at the base of a glorious waterfall
where we sunbathed on boulders and ate lunch for a
couple of hours...both of us dreading the thought of
retracing our steps but neither one admitting it to
the other...we both faced our own fears...she is
afraid of heights...and me my fear of not being able
to do it because of my “weak” body, or of falling and
breaking something or of simply being overwhelmed and
frightened.

BUT I DID IT...and will never see myself in the same
light again! I am amazing and truly can do anything!
And when we got back much earlier than expected,
everyone just assumed we had only made it to the ½ way
point and then given up. You should have heard the
reactions when they realized I not only did it, bit in
such a short time!!

There is no way I can thank Darya for giving me the
courage to do this and for then giving me no option
but to continue following her along the way. It never
occurred to her that I couldn’t do it so she never once
stopped, or waited, or suggested otherwise. It was
obvious to her that I could be behind her and took for
granted that I COULD...and... I CAN!!

October 8 2001
Monday October 8th-8 AM

I didn't really know how to write about what just
happened but it has been another turning point for me
in my work with myself and my quest to come to terms
with my painful past experiences which have had such
enormous impacts on my whole life. to know the past
and to perceive it in a neutral light and to truly be
able to forgive and put it all where it belongs..in
the past..and not have it always accompanying me in
subtle forms in all I do and in my relationships up
to this day......I very often felt I had managed to do
just that, but certain memories would keep coming
back to haunt me and the same painful emotions were
always still there...dealing with this and freeing
myself from this has eluded me until today.
The fact that this happened on the very last day of my
2 months alone is for me at any rate, very
significant...it means to me that this was the time I
needed to purge myself and it is now perfectly
suitable for me to be getting on with my travels with
someone else...I no longer so desperately need this
time "with myself". It is just another proof to me
that we must never worry about "what sill happen
when..." as the natural flow of events, the overview,
is always in place and perfect for our needs...we do
not need to waste all of our valuable energies
worrying if we made the right decisions and analyzing
each move before we make it and what if it will not
"work our" and maybe we should have done something
else. the idea is to just "DO".

I just read a quote by ray Bradbury (of all people)
which is quite appropriate:

"Make your journey be a joyous one!
Don't think! Thinking is the enemy of creativity
It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy...
You can't try to do things.
You simply must DO things!"
Very apropos for all of us actually.

I really am still working on quieting my mind but that
will still take time but the basic idea is "to do" and
"enjoy" without thinking so much. all will always
happen for our own personal best interest.

Now...What happened..was I have been trying all kinds
of techniques and exercises and processes to rid myself
of several poisonous memories which have been keeping
me from truly feeling completely forgiving of the past
and these memories were still preventing me from fully
getting on with my life and with certain
relationships. I felt that none of the things I was
doing was helping and again went to sleep last night
feeling quite disturbed by the fact that I couldn't
overcome these feelings which always flooded back to
me every time I tried working with the past.

One particular memory headed the list always and
perhaps is representative of the injustices I felt as
a child and I could never seem to see it in any
perspective other than a child being unjustly treated.
No matter how I approached it, it just remained the
same and hurt me and angered me every time over again.
It is an incident involving an ice cream tart and
probably I am the only one who even remembers it, but,
I have finally broken free of not only that incident,
but every feeling of pain, anger and injustice it
represented from my past.

In the early morning hours when we have "those kinds
of dreams", a kind of video film of my childhood
started to play. but it included feelings, smells,
sounds, sights and impressions which placed me in the
role of both participant and at the same time neutral
observer of the events and scenes. Places and people
and sights and events and memories arose going back
to when I was as young as 2 up to about the age of
10-12. So detailed was the "video" that I was
actually there once again. I can still feel the
essence of the places and smell the food and hear the
traffic noises while I sit here and write!! Most of
the places and people I had not thought of in 50 years
if ever, and these came flooding back to me, candy
stores, movie theaters, my grandmother(!), dancing
school, on and on and on...friends, neighbors, it was
unbelievable!! I wish I had some kind of dream video
recorder to save it and replay for all of you to see!!
but I guess the idea was just for me to BE there just
once more and live through it as well as neutrally
observe it in order to finally purge myself. Now this
all sounds clever and nice and I know even while still
watching it that it was working to finally get me
moving on without the burden of my past...but as I
opened my eyes (at first I had to rub them to be sure
I was now really awake) a sparrow sat on the string
which acts as my closet here and just looked at
me...When I opened my eyes, it chirped as if to say
"Oh, now you are a "free bird" just like me!!"
(sparrow in Hebrew is called a "tzipor dror" meaning
a "bird of freedom") and this is truly now how I
feel. I helped the sparrow find his way out of my
room (don't know how he got in...was he here all
night??) and then had an enormous cry of overwhelming
joy and here I am writing!! I feel "light as a bird"
inside and cannot truly believe that this happened to
me. Having the bird here to confirm it and physically
emphasis the impact of what happened is almost
unbelievable. but true!! So...that's if for
today...must truly assimilate what has happened to
me...it is quite amazing!!

October 9 2001
After reading something by the Dalai Lama now I had an
even greater insight into that ice cream tart incident
I mentioned yesterday. It says when someone hurts you
or angers you...not only to see it from the other
persons point of view which is obvious...but to think
what opportunity it gave you to grow or something
positive from YOUR point of view. Up until today I
had actually not seen anything positive from my point
of view in the incident...when all of a sudden it
dawned on me...just now...and I burst out
laughing...Am still smiling as I write this... I was
given the opportunity at a VERY early age to learn
that you "cannot fool Mother!!"..a fact which probably
made the next 15 years of my life a lot easier for me
(or maybe you CAN fool her but you've got to be very
clever and subtle to do it...so I was forced to
develop some very useful tools for the rest of my
life!!)
August 16 2003
Listening Beyond Words
Most of us hear through words. This is how we understand what others are trying to tell us. Many of us who are trained in some form of counseling, or healing therapies etc., in addition to listening to words, have been trained to "hear" in many other ways as well, body language, facial expressions, tone etc. But I never quite realized how little we "hear" when we understand the words spoken to us. The words themselves distract us from truly listening in other ways and so even the most trained and experienced person will still be influenced by the words themselves. I didn't understand just how true this was until I began eating 3 meals a day at a table with 3 other people who speak Hindi among themselves...(like Hebrew, every once in a while an English word will be thrown in, but it is never enough to help you know what is going on...just an annoying hint and proof of how much you are left "out in the cold" when you don't know a language)...what I have begun to feel very deeply, is how body language, the twitch of a nose, the lift of an eyebrow, the quick almost unnoticed glance passed between two people, the tilt of a head, the movement of a hand...how all of these tell us soooooooo much about what is happening between these people...no matter how softly the words are spoken, tension, anger, disappointment, are always so powerfully felt that you can almost touch the emotions in the air...and joy, surprise, peace etc., are felt just as strongly, and are much more conducive to pleasant eating...I know that I will never again stop listening to, or allow simple words to be the focus of my "hearing"...this has been a very powerful lesson for me...perhaps this should be part of all training courses for the listening professions...theory is always good, but nothing can compare to practical work "in the field"....

August 20 2003
Didn't take long to learn...just a little over 3 weeks and one day...
"THEY" have probably wanted to tell me for ages, but knew it was something I had to "realize" first on my own before they spoke with me....and as usual, it is SOOOOOOOO obvious it is embarrassing to think it took this long to figure it out!
I've already begun caring for myself as I know I must, yoga in the late afternoon, and beginning my morning with full Reiki, sounds for my soul, pranayama, yoga, meditation in the morning (missing a hot shower for my joints but you can't have everything in this life)
So why did I have to be here in Kodai to get back to this? well...the whole thing just flooded before me in neon light clarity...
WHENEVER there are others around, no matter who they are, my healing, caring for, "worrying about" energies will ALWAYS go to "the others" and be depleted before I get to myself. The lesson is:
Learn to reserve your energies for yourself as well. STOP denying your OWN needs when confronted with others in your life. If this next relationship you will be in (hopefully the final one) is to succeed (with whomever it may be)...you must first understand that you must never again "lezalzel" yourself...You know this in your mind and would NEVER allow ANOTHER person to take advantage of you, to take you for granted and to always place their own needs above yours. So why do you continue to do it to yourself when in the presence of the needs of others. You know it brings you to the point of exhaustion and dysfuntionality (word?) each time both physically, emotionally and spiritually, and yet you persist. DESIST!...Leant to be with another, and still be completely with yourself as you must. Do not automatically do for another first, before you've taken care of your personal health and spiritual needs. It will do no one any good in the end. You know that for a fact and yet have not yet managed to put it into action. It is very easy to put aside the couple of hours you need a day for Jane, when only Jane is around-the hard part is doing it when there is someone else in your life needing you. THIS is the lesson. Learn it well or you will remain alone for the rest of your life to safeguard yourself. You will be unable to live in good health, physically or spiritually for any length of time if you do not care for yourself and continue your self growth and inner quest...These are things which even the most loving person cannot do for you and the more you will love, the more you will "need to do" for this other person. There is enough time in any day to "do for all"...stop neglecting YOU in the overwhelming need of yours to "be there always" for others. Allow another to BE with you and still BE completely with yourself. This is the lesson. Learn it! You do not have to BE by yourself to CARE for yourself. This whole "admonishment"-

"nu, nu, nu" part was channeled directly to me while I was still writing. Realization was my own...THEY could not just "tell" me this. I first had to realize it...it took an awfully long time and a trip to India. Ravin was part of their plan in this as well.
No one before has ever been so aggressively "nudnicky" with me in the past and succeeded. Quite the opposite-it always puts me off-the more someone insists, the more I do the opposite-he is definitely a part of their plan!... It's always been sooooooo obvious and yet I never saw the pattern until just now! They have probably wanted to tell me this for ages but knew it would be ineffective until the "AHA!" first came from me. It's not just needing to "take care of" others. It's always accommodating needs and wants of others before my own. As I am uncomfortable saying "not yet-I haven't finished my yoga yet" or whatever...and always prefer "going along with" rather than confronting - even when I don't always necessarily want what the other wants...I am easy to please...but don't always please myself...I have never been able to say "I can do anything you like provided I have my 1 -1 1/2 hours of alone in the morning and one more hour in the afternoon as sacred times for me with nothing urgent enough to change that!

So, now that I have learnt that lesson...what else is in store for me....? Again...time will tell.
As always, my thanks for this enlightening experience and my sincere request for guidance and the wisdom needed to "activate" this newfound understanding in my daily life and in all my encounters with others...no matter who they are...friends, relatives, co-workers, etc.

August 26 2003
The best of Ruskin Bond”. I am enjoying it immensely and for all his simplicity, some of his ideas are quite deep….just one or two examples of many:
“I’m not a bird of prey [says the crow]. YOU are not a beast of prey. So it is not by pursuit that we succeed-Because if we become hunters, then we would automatically bring into being-victims. And a victim’s chief object is to get away! And so it is with success. Pursue it too avidly and it will elude you”.
On fretting: …”when you keep fretting about [the outcome of ]something you’ve done, you can’t give your mind to anything else”….”expect the best-always expecting the best and usually you will get it!”
August 30 2003
before the "next thing" we sometimes need a period of "nothing"...very cleansing and relaxing and a good way of renewing energies for whatever is to come.

September 9 2003
From the Valkyries by Paulo Chelo - Entry into the world of light and following a dream without giving up obligations. How we destroy ourselves by not remembering where we came from and that the gate is open for all to pass through-we must simply be reminded of it's existence which we have forgotten over the years. And those of us who now remember what we once knew many years ago...who have been reminded by an event, a serious loss or illness, a book, a song, a poem or another person-now have the job of helping others, those who are willing and open, to remember as well by speaking of this wherever we go and as often as possible.
"Have courage-open your heat and listen....only a person who is not ashamed can manifest the glory of God"...Each person will arrive at this place via a different path-and his angels alone can guide him...if he learns to listen.
Page 153-Now I know why you brought me to this book today!...To confirm what I've been saying and have know for years about. You being my imaginary friends all those years until I was forced to "banish" you...Just a few days ago I spoke of angels and imaginary friends children have and of adults who make us forget...and here it is all written in the same words by another person!!! But YOU never abandoned me and now I wonder which of us is
happier at the reunion.. YOU or ME??...Are you crying as many tears of joy as I am? I think you are...I have felt you so close all day spurring me onto read more and there is nothing unique in what I am reading...but powerful confirmation of what I know now to be true and what I feel...you have brought me to this "desert" to allow me this.
"Fill my heart with enthusiasm"....a wonderful thing to pray for!
"I have no idea what awaits me, but I want to get back-I need love affection. I need someone who can protect me here on earth just as my angels protect me in heaven. (pp 159)...it is as if Valhalla is speaking my thoughts here-In just a few words, she says it all.
Near end of book-seeing angels and then what happened to me-being told to pick up pen and paper and write and then just having the words or ideas or even poems spoken to me...really weird seeing it written in a book by someone else! again confirmation for me!

You have to be willing and ready to allow your soul to grow to feel the true magic of this place.(or whatever your own place may be)...Only then will you be open to feel and know the tangible energies of this place. We all reach the PLACE special place of our own soul in different ways...but do we always know when we have arrived? If we allow our angels and guides to direct us, and we listen to them, we will each find our own magical place where our soul can truly grow...it may not be the same "physical" place for all of us...but it exists for all of us and once found, it will continue to call us back. I have been lead to this place and having found it 2 years ago, have never really left. Anyone TRULY desiring to find their soul's place can do so, as I did. I am nothing special...Let your spirit, your angel, your guide, your intuition, your dream lead you there. Do not wait until "the time is right"...the time is never right...we always have others who need us, obligations, things we must do...but we must love ourselves enough to find this place our soul seeks...true peace, happiness, contentment and tranquility will follow.

September 12 2003
LIGHT
Growing from within
Joining without
Becoming one with
And part of the Whole
Expanding into the oneness of the Whole
Bringing forth from the depths its love and protection to surround
and enfold me
To make me one with Divine Spirit, almighty
Our joining in partnership- the supreme miracle of the Universal forces
of Love and Light!
second one....
My Love is whole
My Love is true
My Love runs deep
Deeper than ever before
But where will it flow to
If it has no banks to direct it's course?
YOU must be the banks.
Strong, dependable, guiding the course of my Love
and our lives
I can now only be the river of love which flows within your banks
My energies can no longer determine the course
Envelope me in your banks of loving strength and direction
YOU must be the master of our love
If the banks collapse the river of my Love will disperse and may never find
a true course again.

Sept. 12th 8:30 PM

ALONE
Why?
Why are others always an intrusion?
I don't seek them yet they find me...
Must I become invisible to be ALONE?
Or is this part of who, what I am
Flowing along and blending into the river of common pain
Floating as a log for those drowning to latch on to.
Where is the log meant to keep me afloat?
Or have I been given the strength to stay afloat ALONE?
Do I draw my strengths from my ALONENESS?
Or from the giving OF myself?
Who will be there to keep me from drowning
When there is no more strength to draw on?
I am surrounded by heavenly love and protection...
Spiritually I am never ALONE...
But...
I am physical as well
As is my life...
All the new that awaits me...
All the changes to be made...
All the wonders still to reveal themselves...
Are not meant to be experienced ALONE
My soul, my heart, my body all yearn
For the one with the same yearnings
To continue the journey together in our ALONENESS...

Can there be such a miracle?

After writing the last poem, which just came to me from somewhere within, I was not quiet. It's almost as if it was written by a stranger and I read it as an outsider and am still trying to completely understand it....but it WAS written by me and must have brought stuff to the surface which has been smoldering within, very deep, for some time...what to do with it exactly, I am still not quite sure...
At any rate, did a Tarot reading asking about :"aloneness"...the card of "silence" came up...I quote" seek out those who can resonate with your silence, or enjoy your aloneness...Now is the time to come home to yourself. The understanding and insights that come to you in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of your life"...And what song is playing at the same moment? "somewhere over the Rainbow"...just one of those perfectly beautiful moments!

September 14 2003
was talking to anat who was telling me about chance meetings with people just at the right time and we began talking about angels watching over us and she asked how she could return the good deeds done for her and how to thank God for always looking over her. I told her we return the deeds when we also do some kindness for another person in need, and then WE become God's angels for the moment....and that I thank god every morning for his taking care of me by simply saying Modeh Ani..

Sept 16 2003
Music Stolen
....I also remembered the tarot card of 2 nights earlier "silence" and began to understand that there is some very powerful lesson here.....I use my music to keep me from being in silence...I seem to need it...I seem to be afraid of the silence when I am alone in my room...but perhaps this is precisely what I need and the Universe has conspired to make this happen....so I even made a "deal" with God telling him that if he just arranges to have the

music returned, I will lock it in my bag and not listen to it the entire time I am here....Also realized that most of my lessons I seem to learn only the hard way, by being hit over the head, and although I have not yet come to terms with the whole thing, I DO believe that it truly is what was meant to be...

Sept 17 2003
Well, this will be short and sweet...we are truly amazing as human beings and always learning new things about ourselves...and it is certainly true that when one door closes it is simply to make room for another, and usually better door to open...(the previous door was probabaly right for a certain period of my life, but I was unable to release that particular phase and move on to the next...and as usually, I need very powerful prodding to make this moves)...I am quite pleased with things the last few days...although the silence is still sometimes difficult for me, it is nothing as frightening as I expected...and certainly not oppressive...I find myself singing a lot to myself, but basically, I am living within the silence and beginning to find new things...of course, it means my thoughts are not distracted in any way and sometimes fine my mind running away with me, and perhaps one of the things I still need to learn is not to distract myself from the thoughts with artificial, outside means, but to deal with them from within .At any rate, this is a whole new experience for me and I am quite beginning to enjoy it.

Sept 19 2003
A thought came to me a few times over the past few days...since I have been experience something, so far, entirely different than my first trip....I have been "outside" instead of "inside" since I got here, and quite enjoying it, although finding myself missing the "inside" time....

"Using the silences to reinforce my strengths and go outward".....I find that when I do sit with myself, in forced silence, this is the direction my thoughts take me...that I have spent enough time going inward and the time perhaps has come to start doing some outside stuff...without fear of loosing myself....just thoughts...will see where they head over the days to come....

Sept 21 2003
I have also noted a very big change in my eating habits and my needs to constantly be "noshing" between meals to keep my sugar level from fluctuating to often. I can go many many hours with no food, with absolutely no ill effects (except for may hunger pains)...and have had no problem with sugar going up and down erratically and causing me dizziness etc....I also am eating much differently than last time as I have very little desire for sweets and cakes (although I do eat them)...and doubt I will gain weight the way I did last time...I eat out only once a day and simple meals at the guesthouse otherwise...and I am feeling wonderful...I think this must be a long-term balancing of my systems after doing Reiki each day for two years...and something which happened so gradually that I didn't notice it until now....I still keep snacks with me always in my bag out of habit, but have not touched them once since getting here!
Sign in a restaurant: "Regard the one who reveals your faults, as the one who tells you about a hidden treasure"
Think about it!!!!
October 1 2003
Something I jotted down during class today at Beit Chabad while "not listening" to the Rav..."he seems to be trying to shake my faith in God by trying to prove that if I do not follow all the mitzvot (commandments) I am not truly connected to God and this is not true. Torah is ONE way of knowing our soul and being close to God. It is not the ONLY way and I don't believe God meant it to be. Maybe for some it is THE proper way and even the most direct way, but it is not the way God meant for me to know Him and Love Him. I know this to be true ;with all my heart and soul and even find myself annoyed at the continued preaching I am hearing today and may leave at the recess"
October 3 2003
Well, I finally figured out, or was helped to figure out, why I had been a little down for almost a week....and now I feel so much like writing, but have decided that what wasn't written over that period of time, about people I met and things I did or didn't do, were just not meant to be written and I will leave it for now...

This will be a little strange e-mail I guess as it will include a dream I had last night (actually just before waking this morning) which is still powerfully with me all day...I have not written all the details but must put it down on paper so as not to forget it.
What I have finally realized is the following:
The one and ONLY purpose of this trip is really and truly rest and recuperation. My ideas for further travel from here had put me into deep stress whenever I think of it and that is what was getting me down the past week.....I have concluded that whatever the origin of these fears of travel are, and I can only speculate where they originate-I must listen to my soul land desist from planning and also not feel guilty about not "doing" anything on this trip. IF I meet someone who I enjoy being with and we can go together, fine. If not-it will be on my next rip. I will concentrate completely on doing PRECISELYU what I feel like and that is ready-bought 2 good books yesterday-Shirley McClaine's Camino and the 4th in the Clan of the Cave Bear series (which I began reading from the library in Gush Katif (remember Janis?) and never got to the 4th). walking-exploring new paths here-eating well, (found a new place yesterday and had a fabulous fresh leafy crispy salad and veg. wonton soup in just the perfect size portion-in the salad was : red cabbage, iceberg lettuce, spinach, radish, tomato, carrot, string beans, cukes - all cut in large fresh delicious pieces with the most deliciously subtle dressing I've ever tasted)...and spending as much time each day as I need to be with myself in solitude-. Did a little shopping yesterday as I had an "urge" ....movies if one I like comes up and that's it. Amristra and Rishikesh will still be here when I come back next time...as will Sikkim, Darjeling etc.,..and hopefully next time I will not come alone...so everything will seem more simple.
so I am now quite relaxed and happy..
Oct 5 2003
. I decided to try the Triund path-not to get to the top-just to walk it for awhile, and now I am sitting quite deep in the forest (went off the beaten path) and just enjoying. I don't need to get "to the top" to take pleasure in what these forests and mountains have to offer. Others may see a spectacular view today at the top, but how many of them truly enjoyed the journey up?
Oct 7 2003
A German lady just walked into the internet place asking for someone to waltz with her as she feels like dancing. She sang a Strauss waltz and danced with a guy here until they both got exhausted and then she simply said (she is 65) that the only way to continue living healthily is to continue both inward and outward movement. Always going inside to know ourselves better but never stopping outward physical movement as well. Sounds like a good recipe!
October 11 2003
MOUNTAINS:
I am drawn to their mystical, magical, majestic peaks
which climb ever higher
Urging heart, mind and soul to soar to the sublime heights of
Divine Unity.

October 12 2003
Sitting in a shady crag of a rock looking over the view in front of me. Five distinct ranges of foothills and mountains spread out before me one after the other. As they grow more distant, the color changes from deep thick forest green to paler green until it is almost silver green in the far distance. The last range seems to be at it's uppermost point above the tree line and brown and barren and off tot he left the far mountains grey and snow lined. The lesson here is that the just as there is always another mountain to cross, the journey also never ends. There is always a continuation and the only important thing is the journey itself and being aware and alert to all that happens along the way. The delicate mountain flowers-light purple-small white daisy type with yellow center but the white spoked petals are so delicate and thin-butterflies of all colors flitting past-grasshopper-the sound of the cicadas almost a roar at times-the call of the crows, flight of the hawks, blue of the sky with a wisp of a cloud here and there - in the far midst going across the valley more ranges extending as far as the eye can see-ferns, cattails, pines of different varieties, shapes and hues, rhododendron, and many things I don't recognize by name. Walking for quite awhile in the sun and now the blessed coolness of the forest caresses me again....
October 23 2003
Accept not only with complete faith, but with love and thanks knowing it is exactly what should have been. I have been professing things to be true for me for some years now but did I truly believe what I was saying? How would I react in a "tragedy" which struck home as close as possible...not just my loved ones but me directly. I always believed my cancer had been a positive thing in my life, but that was a lesson learned from hindsight. At the time it happened, I was bitter, angry , depressed, seeking blame and certainly not thanking G-d.

It all began with my readings of Kryon and my understanding of the overview, synchronicity, etc...that chains of events are set in motion long before the "thing" itself happens. In order to provide solutions to problems, or answers to prayers which we ourselves are not even yet aware that we will need. The parable of the guy racing towards the bridge which no longer exists but completely trusting that a solution will be in place when he arrives is one of my favorite Kryon parables and I always saw myself in that light.

Things just don't happen, nothing is by chance, everything that occurs has a connection. I can go all the way back in time over a couple of years and see connections of events leading to today and nothing which happened THAN made any sense to me.

So, this whole "thing" now, was for me, a test. and it proved that I truly believe in what I have been professing. My whole reaction was also different than from the way I generally behave. I honestly felt no anger, even for a second...and did not even feel the need to find a culprit. Did not blame anyone, accept perhaps the split second when I thought I myself had been stupid, but it past in about 5 minutes. I was calm, relaxed, accepting, knew what I had to do, continued to pray that I would be saved the hassle of Delhi (but even when it seemed unlikely, I was already planning the fun I would have there...visiting people I know who invited me, shopping at 60% off before Diwali, and even spending Diwali unexpectedly in Delhi!)....Honestly did not care about the clothing itself (although I am still a little sad about the journals and the necklace shlomit gave me!)...Knew for a definite fact that this was a GOOD thing and I realized for the first time, totally and completely, that my faith in G-d and his Universe , His angels and my guides, the desires of my soul are all true to my Higher Good at every minute. Nothing "bad" can EVER happen...I am deserving of ONLY good things and wonderful people in my life and all that happens IS for the best. I have never felt so at peace and thankful and loving and warm as I fell now. God has been wonderful enough to prove to me, to take away any shadow of a doubt I may have had about the workings of His Universe and my own faith and trust in it. It is truly the most wonderful blessing I have ever received. Knowing that my anger and need to find blame are something of the past and my complete acceptance, in happiness of events , is a joy I cannot find the words to express.

The fact is: Everything that happens IS good. Even the "bad" things is good at the moment it happens, We do not have to wait for the good part of whatever happened to reveal itself finally in the future. The "thing" itself at the moment IS good. Nothing "bad" or "wrong" or "unfair" happens. Everything is for our Higher Good as it happens and when it happens.

Sept. 24, 2004

"Unhappiness is the food of anger"-from Buddhist lecture on patience

Sept. 24, 2004

and then he read my palm. Some interesting things...like the guy last year couldn't believe that in one hand (one person) there was so much of the extreme and stubborn with such a good, kind, loving, giving, compassionate, understanding (etc. etc) heart. Said he'd never seen that combination before and it is the reason why all things seem so complicated and difficult to me in life and, combined with my extreme intellectual capabilities, the reason I have so many vicissitudes (yes, that's the word he used)...and why all my lessons are difficult in the learning. He also said I would always be self-sufficient and must never rely on others to take care of me. That the hard times are over for me and only good things await me from this point in life. good health, less difficulties etc. That I spent 25 years with the wrong man, had one great love and there will be one more great love in my life at some time to come. those of you who remember the guy in Chennai last year will remember a very similar reading. He spoke of "the third one" in my life and pretty much said the same about the rest.

October 16, 2004

After much deliberation and help from some very good friends both here and "out there", I have made the decision to tell Avik that this is not going to work out, and finally get back to living my life honestly, as I always do...living this lie has been almost impossible for me and not something I could continue doing for any more time without getting really sick....It is not who I am, as my children so wisely knew as soon as I told them the problems I was having with Avik as well as his lies....but I felt the practical thing would be to wait until I got home, got a good job and found a place to live before rocking the boat...turns out, practical is not always the way to go....we must always be true to ourselves, as I've always practiced and tried to tell others, and lying to myself, as well as to avik, has been one of the most trying periods of my life.

I am glad it is over.

Tonight I will speak to him, and then, whatever happens, happens. And I'm sure it will be for the best. I already feel light and carefree just having made the decision, and no longer feel grey clouds above me....(Yes, the sun is still shining, but that was just an _expression).

October 18, 2004–05–15Those of you who have been following my journals for the last few years, know that each trip brought with it some deep learning, some lesson, which had to be learnt, and that this trip so far had not yet revealed the lesson to me..Well, it's happened and as always, was quite amazing in the synchronicity and surprising sequence of events leading up to last night.

I have actually been struggling with this decision for several months now, as some of you are aware. But the fact is, I was always approaching it from a place of anger and fear and of course what came back to me, instead of clarity and understanding and direction, was just more anger and fear, multiplying itself from both within and from outside. Saturday morning, something very trivial happened but which, for some reason, opened my eyes to what has been wrong with my approach all this time, and also showed me the "bottom line" in regard to my problem with Avik in a very clear way, So clear in fact that it was as if the heavens had opened and a large hand came down and wrote the message on a piece of paper for me to read. It's as if the mist over the mountains has cleared and all is clear and bright and beautiful!

I understood, first of all, that it is not the BIG lie which was so terrible coming from Avik, and perhaps if all other things had been well, I could have gotten past that, as I know that no matter how stupid it was, he believed he was doing it for love. What I realized so clearing on Saturday morning, is that Avik himself is just one big lie!!! Everything he does is secretive, closed, dishonest, there is no true integrity in anything he does or says. And these small lies have repeated themselves so often until I realized that this is just who he is. A person who is incapable of being open and honest, and forthright with other people.. And this is THE one thing that I cannot live with?.

In addition, as I explained to him, if he truly has found the love of his life which he believes, then he should be joyful and happy and he is nothing but miserable all the time.So whatever he is feeling, it is not really love, more like a teenage infatuation I guess

What happened then, Saturday, was that after a couple of hours of deep thought, it just dawned on me that my approach to the whole thing has been wrong. And immediately beautiful and loving thoughts filled my mind and heart. I no longer felt anger or fear, just peace and calm, knowing that doing what my soul truly needs me to do, and which can only be done through love, is the only true way. And once I approached everything from the place of love, I knew that all would be well. It was something I've always known, but this is the first time I have had to deal with a situation personally which required the relinquishing of anger and fear and the replacing them with true love. It was really an illuminating experience for me. A true "AHA!" as Yonina would say!

Once my heart opened, all the answers just flowed to me in simplicity and directness. I knew exactly what I would say to Avik and how, and although I had no idea how he would react, knew for a fact that everything would be just as it should be.

Well, it took awhile until I got hold of him to speak to him, but when I did, I myself was completely surprised by the lack of hardness and anger in my voice, and the gentle words of love which flowed. He heard all I had to say, and his conclusion (at least as of last night) was that we could simply remain traveling companions and stay together as long as we felt comfortable with the arrangement, just as friends etc. I told him I would really like to stay here as long as possible, but did not express any desire to continue on by myself afterwards. He seemed very opened to the idea of my continuing to use the money which is his, but as I said, that was last night. This may all change today or tomorrow, but you never know as there was another twist to the story which I will write in a minute. .I know however, that his reaction of love and calm was only in direct response to my approach from the heart. if I had spoken to him about our separation at any other point, in any other way, before I "saw the light", I know his reaction would have been in kind, which is to say, .filled with anger etc. He told me that there would be no problem when we get back-everything that is mine, would go back to me, as much as he loves his beautiful house now-and even asked if he could keep the nice arrangement in the computer room. I said I need it for my "new house" wherever and whenever that would be,and he said"anything you need me to help you with, or replace, I will" I will help you move and get everything fixed up just as you did for me when you came to live in my house" I believe he was sincere in this and don't think THIS at least will change. And this is because of what he told me next.

On Friday, the day before I had my illuminating experience, I was talking to Nicolai while avik was out, and when avik came back he continued to talk to him while I prepared dinner. Nicolai recommended a book by the Dalai Lama for Avik, and for some reason he went right out and bought it and began reading it on Saturday! He doesn't really go in for this stuff but I found him completely absorbed in the book.. He had been reading it for 2 days by the time I spoke to him.

What he said to me was: .that everything I've been telling him all this time, about what he is like etc., and which he always denied and became very defensive about, he now, for the first time in his life, realizes is true. He is secretive, dishonest, lies, hides things from people, is afraid of his weaknesses so pretends they don't exist and had actually built a fantasy perception of who he is for his own personal consumption all his life, etc., etc.

And all of these things are the reason for his great suffering (turns out he was reading about suffering in the book and the causes of it and how to overcome it) all his life. He now realizes that he must change who he is if he is to be truly happy, but doesn't know if he is able to at his advanced age, and he knows that my decision is completely right. I had told him that I thought in the beginning I was being kind to him in trying to put things back together and only now realized it was actually being cruel as I was only making him more miserable. He agreed that I was doing the best thing for him and thanked me for it. there is more to his insights which I was quite surprised by, and know all of this was just part of the "plan" .Things just don't happen. .there is no coincidence. By the way- I had originally thought to talk to him earlier, before he had read the book, (WHICH i DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS READING)and for some reason Abdellah told me to wait another day, so we could enjoy our Sunday walk to naddi together. If I had spoken to him a day earlier, who knows how he would have reacted to what I said? It was all combined. My speaking from a place of love and his having understood his own part in his lifetime of suffering?.

At any rate, the lesson for me is learnt! ONLY love can bring good things into this world and into our lives. If we deny our soul's desires and needs, we block out its light. We become dark and dull. We no longer shine from outside, we have no true joy or happiness, and this is how I have felt all these months. But my soul is now rejoicing and my face is bright with smiles and the glow of happiness. Whatever awaits me waits to be seen, but I know all will be well. being here, coming home, spending time with family and friends, going off to Uruguay, job hunting, apartment hunting…just new adventures to be faced and enjoyed.

October 28, 2004

I had an interesting thought in a half-awake state this morning which could use some refining, but sounds quite profound when you think about it...
"Learn to properly digest life...you must digest only one meal at a time"

I've been finding it difficult not to continually think about what awaits me at home...not actually worrying about it but curious to know how things will work out, how long it will take etc. so I am finding it difficult to just stay in the moment and this annoys me. So I will try my best to "digest" just one day at a time...and today is so far a perfect one!

October 30, 2004
I had been having pain in my right knee for several months, actually started around the time Avik revealed his "little deceit" to me...but never paid attention to the timing or looked for anything other than a physical reason for the pain...despite the fact that it was nothing I had ever felt before and I have had other problems with both knees in the past...anyway, about 1 1/2 months before I left I started doing regular acupuncture for it and after each session it was partially relieved, but never really went away, and here, I had dondhup take care of it and also it never really left me completely. It was also one of the reasons I did much less walking this time than in past trips...What I didn't realize was, it began as soon as I started to lie to myself about my being able to stay with Avik, and also at the time that I was completely absorbed in negative emotions of fear and anger...fear of what would happen and anger at both avik and myself. From THE very day I "came clean" with Avik, until today, I haven't the slightest bit of pain whatsoever in my knee...and the knees are one of the places where the feelings of anger and pain are stored....!!! So....There IS no separation between soul and body...we are one and the same and it is always good not to forget that...
As for lesson #2: Last few months Avik brought out the very worst in me- "demons" , patterns of behavior which I thought I had "conquered" years ago and which I worked very hard to get beyond, were all brought back to the surface and shown to me "big as life" "Take a good look!! This is YOU"...I know now that we do not truly rid ourselves of these patterns which were formed in early years, but with work can learn to rise above them...but we are always susceptible to "relapses" when we are around the wrong people, or not being true to
ourselves in our daily life. It is a frightening and humbling lesson to learn! But one I am truly grateful for. Thinking how wonderful we are that we have come so far in our personal growth and development is a sad _expression of pride and ego. The only way we continue to grow is to continue to work. And now having learnt the second important lesson of this journey, I feel like I've done what I needed to and can come home easily and at peace with myself.

November 1, 2004

Anyway...Yesterday morning I had a really beautiful channeling which I will write in a moment, and this morning, was up really early as I usually am when I am feeling well and by 7:45 was already out on the roof after shower, meditation, laundry etc. And then I just sat there with my eyes closed absorbing the warmth of the sun down to the depth of my soul, absorbing the sounds and smells and feel of the air on my face...the bird calls etc. When all of a sudden I heard a bird chirping (it was more like a consistent call to me to listen) very close by. When I opened my eyes he was sitting directly opposite me, looking at me and chirping as if talking to be to listen. He sat there for more than 5 minutes and didn't stop "talking" the whole time! It was quite amazing, and it brought me back to a similar incident 3 years ago when I woke up one morning to find a bird IN my room also talking to me...Both were sparrows which are called in hebrew tzipor dror which means bird of freedom, and they both brought the same message to me...reminding me of the importance of freedom and the terrible things we do to ourselves when we "sell our souls" for any reason....freedom in the sense of being true to yourself no matter what and not thinking that someone else can make life easier for you or that love can bring you freedom...these things are external and temporary ...only what comes from inside and is true is what is real and right....
And now to the channeling from YESTERDAY morning!!
It's gone it's over forget it...mistakes happen...don't delude yourself ever again in the future. Listen to us and your soul more carefully. Don't think you "know better". Thinking is what you do best and do worst. Don't use thinking in the wrong situations. Move on to a better place=- better things will then follow. We ARE always here but you are not! We love you and always do our best but we cannot do it alone. So be with US as we are with you and things will be easier for you-life is a good place to be...you know that but have a way of screwing things up when you think you know best at the wrong times. Go inside more-not outside. Listen more carefully-be more aware. You are one with your soul and it will never be right for you until you make decisions from the right place. You do not always need the right reasons-you need the right feelings. Learn this and you have learnt the important lesson. Things will be well. Stop thinking-Do each day-They are each unique and beautiful...don't spoil them by thinking . We are here as you know. Call us and we hear you.
That's all-get on with it...we love you.
PS: We are telling you to go home so go! But watch it when you get there. Don't rush around to please others. Stay where you are comfortable at each point. Don't go to any place under pressure. Keep up the pace you now have here and all will flow as it should. Why do you assume going home means tension? Becuase you make it happen. Follow this new pace you are learning here and all will happen as it should. Do a slow moving. all will find it's place in due time. You can do it but don't let things from outside get the better of your own inner peace.

Well, that was the longest channeling I've ever had a a really amazing one! And for those who still believe it comes from my subconscious, well, I personally don't care where it comes from...it says great stuff!!

Now, just my day!....Received 2 beautiful letters today-one quite unexpected from Theo and Monique and the other from Anaat. But both were exactly what I needed to heal my very injured self-image. I had begun to see myself as demanding and self-centered and vindictive through the eyes of Avik and was very disturbed with his seeing me as such. I know I am not always an easy person to live with...but I never thought I was self-centered and certainly not vindictive. And these lovely people who only knew me for a couple of months last year wrote, completely unsolicited as they do not know all that has happened here...just that I decided to leave Avik over a question of trust. They said such encouraging and lovely things...and we do all need to hear these things once in awhile. When we are feeling "right" we KNOW these things and tell them to ourselves...but we are quite fragile creatures and for some reason we still find it easy to believe bad things about ourselves when they are thrown at us at weak times...The good things need to be reinforced at our weaker moments of self-doubt...and today...this lovely letter arrived to do just that!
And a very special "lecture" from sweet Anat! She really gave me the words I needed to hear before coming home. I'm sure both of these letters were not just "by chance" As I had asked for calm and strength last night before going to sleep before coming home and it was sent in the form of these 2 letters.

November 2 2004

And now, just something I read yesterday in this book I am now reading, and gives more backup to all that is happening to me now and reading it was definitely not "by chance"..

"The fact that many a man who goes his own way ends in ruin means nothing...He MUST obey his own law" (which I understand to mean soul/heart whatever) From the book Snow Leopard (fabulous!!!!) pp. 45 quoted from C.G. Jung-Collected works.

November 5 2004–
This book I've been reading has so many things in it which bring life into focus for me...it is in no way a travel book as advertised. It is quite fascinating and a good read for all...The Snow Leopard...
"The absurdity of a life that may well end before one understands it, does not relieve one of the duty to live it through as honestly and generously as possible"

November 6 2004–05–15

HOME
Not a place,
a feeling,
You find it once and then have it with you always
It is mobile and goes with you everywhere
No one can take it from you
As it is nothing you can touch or hold physically
What is inside is yours alone
And you make it what it is
When you have truly found the feeling - Cherish it!
It is a precious gift you have worked hard for.

LETTING GO
Release anger,
Release fear,
Release Worry
Embrace love
Embrace faith
Embrace calm acceptance.
The river will take you swiftly along at certain points
And allow you periods of motionless calm
But the current will always be there to move your boat along
You may see places you would like to stop at
But the choice is not always yours
Release into the flow of the river
And calmly and joyfully accept whatever direction it takes you.

THOUGHTS TO MAKE YOU THINK!
The most creative moments have often arisen at times when circumstances appeared most helpless.

If we fear someone we give them power over us.
So be gentle but don't allow yourself to be trod upon

there are no fresh stars in life.
But there are new directions - learn to zigzag.

Try loving your enemies - if nothing else, you'll confuse them

Life will always give us what we know we are worth
It never fails to take us at our own valuation

They always come so quickly those turning points in life.
And always down a lane we are not watching.

When a difficulty presents itself - remove it at once if you can
For the longer you look at it, the less you will like it.

Bad times are good times to prepare for better times.

There is no dependence that can be certain but a dependence on yourself.

Before you discuss anyone's faults...
Take time to count to ten...
Ten of your own!

November 8th, 2004
I think I am taking my final leave of this place. Perhaps I no longer have the NEED to be here. If I ever return it will be just because I feel like it...not because I must. Everything that has happened so far today has added to this feeling of a final farewell to my attachment to this place. It's as if the whole past year has been contrived in such a way as to detach me from ALL I felt the NEED for. Living my life in a certain way, in a certain area in Israel, doing things in a certain way and earning my money in a certain type of framework. and today's farewell is just a continuation of all which began happening last year as soon as I got back from India.
My moving in with and now leaving Avik;s house has put a final closing to all that part of my life. I find myself now with no home, no job, no income of any sort and yet not worried about the future or even taking any great pains to plan things. I will be living from day to day and see where life takes me. but until today I still felt this NEED for McLeod and the surrounding area as a sort of retreat from...
Perhaps in my new life I will no longer feel the need to retreat from...but all I need will be IN me instead of something or someplace outside of me. that doesn't mean in any way that I do not have to pursue a job and find a place to live. but I have a feeling that I will no longer need a place to "run away to" because I will not be running from anything.

…It's as if all past ties to this place -even my attachment to the mountain itself, are being severed. It is quite a feeling of release. Every old pattern of thought, need of, desire for seems to be melting away. Abdellah is till complaining that I am too quiet. But I like the feeling of NOT feeling the need to speak. Everything I think I might say just seems trivial and unimportant and not worth saying.
I have my "aloneness" back. Wondering how I will manage without my own place...but will find the PLACE inside and use it as often as I feel the need.
I I keep seeing flashes of myself with people all around and me just sitting in silence and enjoying observing.
I realize I am leaving here happy and coming back to Israel happy. Because I have found my true home-inside-and wherever my new physical place will be is basically unimportant when compared with this new feeling of a permanent "home" for the first time in my life.

Journal 2001

2006-10-01T17:47:00.000+03:30

Below, journal entries from my first trip to India in 2001. Enjoy!

Aug 12 2001- Flight Via Amman,Arriving in Delhi, and First Day's Adventure

2006-10-01T17:45:00.000+03:30

August 12th: 8:40 PM:
We are now waiting in Amman to board the flight to Delhi. We are closer to home than when I fly to Eilat (only 30 minutes to get here) but it seems far away and strange. The terminal is very European. Quiet, classy, very unlike the place we left behind just a little while ago. But sitting here in the terminal, all the Israelis sit near each other, even if not speaking to each other. It is so quiet, lots of people here but no noise. All kinds of people, European, Arabs, Indians, backpackers, South Americans, very interesting. I wonder how people who see me sitting here see me.

I'm too old to fit in with the young kids sitting around me. Well, some guy keeps eyeing me. Have to learn quickly to avert my eyes. I am not used to doing that. We have decided to speak only English from now on. On the plane turned out that we both had wonderful seats with plenty of leg room and nice seat partners... didn't sleep much on the flight but the time went by very fast. Much easier that the 5 hour bus ride to Eilat!).

9 PM: I am now seated on the plane. VERY comfortable. Plenty of leg room- without even reserving, I've got a window seat. I think I will take a travamin to play safe and hopefully it will even help me sleep. In 5 hours it's effects should wear off and I won't be uncomfortable during the flight. Now some Reiki and then the rest is in God's hands!

5 AM India Time (2:30 AM Israeli time)
Landing in a few minutes. Slept a little, very comfortable flight. Very tired. Looking forward to nice shower and nice bed (little did we know what awaited us!!)

3:30 PM: Well, this is a very long story now...I didn't have the strength to write earlier but I've rested for a couple of hours now and will try to put it all down on paper as it happened.
We arrived at the airport in Delhi and were quite pleasantly surprised. We quickly went through customs- we stood in line behind an Indian business man who had come home from New York who promptly proceeded to give us all kinds of hints and advice, the most urgent one being "DON'T TRUST ANYONE". Well, we listened and shook our heads and said thanks and continued on our way. We got our bags and were pleased at the cleanliness and quietness of the terminal. Nothing like the madhouse at Ben Gurion.

We exchanged money the bank very easily and then started out to find the taxi that was supposed to be waiting for us. We never found him!!

They claim they were there but we didn't find him! Anyway, tried calling the number of the taxi service and they answered but no one spoke English! In the end, we decided to take a pre-paid taxi. Problem was, I didn't think to write down the address and phone number of the hotel - I assumed someone would be waiting for us. But at the booth they said they knew where it is and the driver would take us! Well, he took us to the right area but didn't speak English and didn't know where the hotel was (or so he said) probably took us to a hotel where he hoped to abandon us and get his commission! In the end we called from the hotel he took us to - with him waiting outside - to MIlan"s (our guide to the Himalayas) grandmother (he gave us her number for emergencies and this was definitely an emergency) and she answered and said immediately - "come to my house - we will work it out".

She gave the driver her address and he finally found it not before arguing that we prepaid for one address and had to give him more money and I was adamant that he didn't take us where we wanted to go so he still owed us a trip. He finally found her address - in a "swanky" neighborhood we later learned was only VIP's and tried to get her to get us to pay more money. In the end, we all settled for 1/2 of what he wanted and that ended the first part of the morning.

By now it was around 8 AM and we had expected to be after breakfast, shower and asleep, and we were in this lady's house (Mati) instead. I can't begin to describe her. She looked and acted not more than 60 and she is 86! She is, we found out, in addition to being India's first woman pilot which we already knew from Milan, a famous painter, jewelry designer, seamstress and very wise and religious woman who is also versed in politics, world affairs, religions, philosophy, she also "knows" 7 generations of women from her great-grandmother up to her great-grandchildren!. You should have heard HER talk about Muslims!!!

Well, she promptly called her grandson, Milan, our guide, and explained the situation to him and said she has a spare room we could stay in - no need to go to a hotel, but we had need of an air conditioner so insisted on a hotel. So her grandson said the same driver who we somehow missed at the airport would pick us up at her house but only around 11!!. So we had 3 hours to spend there.

Well, as tired as we were and hungry, the time just flew by. It was amazing. And while there, her granddaughter, and great-granddaughter came to visit after just arriving from Malaysia where they live, for a visit. Her great granddaughter is 23 and just completed her studies in law school. She looked like any typical young woman that age. Tight jeans and form fitting sleeveless top. Gave great grandma a hug and went off to see her friends. In the meantime, we got to know granddaughter named Shuchi (which means pure) who is an artist in her own right, even has a web site-and the hours just flew by. I could have sat and spoken with this beautiful, serene wise women for days and not gotten tired of them.

Finally the taxi arrived, after several cups of tea and a forced on us breakfast of chapati and mango-time came to leave. But first, we wanted to take pictures, and like women all over the world, they had to first go and put on makeup!!

We parted with promises to come back and visit on our return to Delhi and Shuchi invited us to visit her in Malaysia--we may just do that!!

We got to our hotel finally, around 11:30-checked in, too exhausted to really unpack, put Chopin on the speakers, A. showered, I ordered lunch-delicious meal - I asked for "not spicy" well their not spicy gave me heartburn -something I last experienced 20 years ago when I was pregnant with Shai!. I brought an entire pharmacy to India and no one suggested "Tums". Will look for some when we finally venture out!

But I fell asleep pleased and comfortable. The room is adequate if simple, the AC works, the bathroom pleasant and we haven't tried the TV yet.

Aug 14 2001- Delhi

2006-10-01T17:41:00.000+03:30

Just a few words about Delhi...It is absolutely no where near what we were led to believe. From the time we came out of the airport expecting to be overwhelmed by heat, humidity, smells and people pulling us in all directions to take us to hotels, we were completely and pleasantly surprised.
It was quite warm, 30 degrees centigrade and humid but certainly nothing compared to what we expected. Even later in the day it was not so bad. Only a couple of guys approached us - it was worse in Greece when we got off the ferry each time being bombarded!

And the city is far from beautiful but no where near the shock we were told to expect.

We finally fell asleep and I slept very well. This morning we got out late....(Oh, last evening we out to find a restaurant and it rained-but it was very pleasant. Like rain in the summer in New York. Very cooling and pleasant. We enjoyed it.

This morning we got out late and again it was raining so instead of checking out the market here in the area, we took and auto-rickshaw to an underground market, Palika Market I think, and I bought my clothes for the rest of the trip. One thing about India and bargaining...what a laugh..but you really have to be good at it to get a good price, and my friend A. is a champ!

In one store she bought jewelry at about 1/4 the originally quoted price...and in the clothing store, I bought clothes which originally cost 3000 rupees for 1600. She says if we would have stayed longer she would have gotten them down even lower...but I was very satisfied and got lots of nice stuff for the price. It is 160 shekel which is $40. I got a full shalwar kameez (three pieces, pants, long dress top and scarf, 3 pair of pants and 4 blouses!
She then saw something she wanted which had the original asking price of 5250 rupees.. She paid 1600 rupees for it!! And there is a big sign there saying "This is a fixed price store...do not waste your time bargaining"! We all had a good laugh at that one including the owners who were very sweet and it was a pleasure to shop there. I really had fun!

we then ate in a nice but expensive restaurant (two full meals including coffee and desert and drinks and entree and 2 main dishes for the whopping price of 400 rupee...40 shekel...$10, and we felt we had spent too much money as this is expensive here for food. But it was very nice eating there Nirula's, and we will probably go back at least once more.

Then we were exhausted and decided to come home and that is it for today. We are feeling wonderful, walking around in Delhi is alot more comfortable than Pardes Channa in Israel at this time of the year. The rain is beautiful. We are relaxed and happy and tired. Tomorrow we go for a full day trip to Agra to see the Taj Mahal so don't know when I will write again. l will try on Thursday before we leave for Leh

Aug 16, 2001 A Mouse in the House, Trip to Agra, The Taj Mahal and The Toilets!

2006-10-01T17:37:00.000+03:30

Well, yesterday is over and it is now the next morning and A. is showering so I will begin to write. It will probably take all day to do this.

The whole day began yesterday after a nite that we basically did not sleep well at all. It started when we got back to the room after sending my last e-mail a couple of days ago. We were very tired and wanted to go to sleep early so we could rest enough before getting up at 4 AM. We came up to freshen up a bit (you walk around here sticky all the time) before eating (Chinese food!),

when all of a sudden a mouse ran across the room...A MUST read!! Typical India!

We called the desk and they said "no problem" - 3 guys came up to the room armed with plastic bags!!. Luckily, they saw the mouse so they knew we weren't imagining things. And then they just started to enjoy themselves, giggling, moving furniture, banging doors for over 1/2 hour.

Never saw the mouse again and they decided we he had slipped out under the door. OK....we went to eat and came back just ready to shower and plop into bed. Opened the door, and what do we see? Mr. Mouse standing there with a big grin on his face, waving at us and saying "Hi, guys...I'm still here!"

We went down to reception and they simply offered us another room-that was the solution they could think of. We were so exhausted and it meant packing up all our stuff again (it was already 10 PM) and moving but we had no choice. They helped us and exactly half hour later we were settled in our new (nicer with bathtub.. but no plug) room.

We were all wound up by then though and both of us had a very difficult time sleeping. At 4 AM, really exhausted, we got up to begin our day. A cab took us to the train station and we sat in our reserved AC seats and from the time we got on the train all kinds of food kept coming...Including a bottle of mineral water for each passenger...the train has a special holder on the back of each chair to hold the water. I tried to sleep but with no luck. Too interesting watching the countryside roll by. Very nice quick train ride and we arrived in Agra and went to look for our driver.

It was obvious to us that this time we would definitely find him waiting since the same person who arranged the first one whom we never found, was very concerned this time and sent us e-mail with extra precautions listing the number of the car, number of the company owner, and exact location where the driver would be waiting. Guess what? He wasn't there!!!

We looked around for a little longer and then decided to simply call. We were very relaxed and calm. Then all these other guys started jumping on us but we've gotten so good at ignoring them that they are basically invisible to us. We kind of just walk through them.

Just as we were going back in to call, a man approached us and asked "Are you Miss Jane!". He had a letter from the guy who made the arrangements so we knew he was the company owner,,,, and just then a little guy with a sign saying "Miss Jane" comes running over...he was the driver and he had arrived a few minutes late...he got a real tongue-lashing from the owner but then we were off with driver and guide for the entire day. It is the only way we could have gotten out of this day alive!

Agra is even more yucky then Delhi. Hot, humid, polluted, noisy, overcrowded and guys jumping all over you everywhere, even through the open car windows, to sell you junk! We decided to see other things first and leave the Taj Mahal for after 4 at the suggestion of the guide when it would be a little cooler. He was very nice and competent but it was difficult to talk to him which means we missed out on alot of information but it was fascinating talking to him. He is not the first Indian we have had philosophical discussions with re: religion...there is so much in common with Judaism and belief in a direct link with God without middle men and that we are all created in the God's image and there is a piece of God in each of us, reward and punishment...he told us many interesting stories in his broken hard to understand English with heavy Indian accent.

One thing he said was in his religion, it is known that if a man takes more than he deserves for a service he performs or a job he does (this after we started talking about cheating and rip-offs in India) then the extra money he gets will be taken away from him in the form of medicines he must by for his sick children! Very interesting concept.

And you would not believe how much the Indians, everyone we have spoken to, hate the Muslims. They do not understand why we don't give them back what they give us, eye for an eye and be done with it!! They are great supporters of Israel, understand our reasoning and agree with it, are trying to form alignments here for active work on the part of Israel and know more about our history and heritage than I could have imagined. It is very warming to the heart to hear their beautiful words of encouragement and support!

Well, we had a very difficult day. We went first to see some beautiful mausoleum to the Guru of his religion which I wrote down but don't have with me right now...doesn't matter...It is a beautiful edifice with hand cut marble everywhere cuttings of all kinds of fruit trees and vegetables etc. and just like all fruits and vegetables live together and complement one another, so all religions must live together. This is one of the basic tenets of his religion.

Then we went to Agra fort

which is amazing but enormous and we were both very weak by this point. No sleep, heat, no matter how much we drank it wasn't enough. But from this fort you see the Taj from the distance across the Yamuna River and it was amazingly beautiful.

We spent an hour there which was more than enough and then met our guide and we had to decide how to spend the rest of the day. Train doesn't leave till 8 PM. He had a whole itinerary planned but we simply were not up to it. So he tried to figure out what we could do. It was only 11 AM.

So we said we needed to eat and be air-conditioned. He took us to a restaurant

Aside: toilets: I've tried several kinds already and have no problem with any of them. Even used the "India water pitcher and left hand clean up job" and found it very pleasant and practical. One toilet was a plain hole in the ground with sort of a bowl with foot pads to place your feet on when you squat and that's it; another was basically the same but it flushed!!; and then of course the "western" toilet in the train which was a real accomplishment - you have to hold on for dear life to the hand rail provided while the train sways in order to aim properly and steadily and keep the flow going in the right direction. basically I find no problem with the toilets - the public toilet, although it had a smell, was no worse than any public toilet in any public place anywhere in the world and maybe the smell was even less stinky than many places I've been in other countries.

back to my story.
Our India guide even tried to dissuade me from using the public toilet and wait until I get to the "real" toilet at the restaurant but he doesn't know my bladder. I think he was embarrassed but I reassured him that all was well and I am very adaptable!

So, we went to a restaurant called the "Only Restaurant" and I really must recommend it. Wonderfully A/C, great toilets, beautiful decor, perfect service and absolutely delicious food. They even have a full explanation of what each dish is made of. I found something - don't remember the Indian name, with 9 kinds of fresh vegetables, fruit and nuts in a light cream sauce which I ordered "not spicy". When it arrived, I tasted it, and I guess for him it was "not spicy" but not for me. He asked how it was and I said "spicy" and without a second thought just pricked up my plate and took it away. A minute later he returned with a new portion which was truly not spicy. ! He probably couldn't understand how I could enjoy eating something so tasteless, but it was pure heaven. We also ate 2 kinds of Naan, bread-one prepared on a tandoori stove very similar to bedoui pita or Iraqi pita but more tasty, seems like whole flour, and softer and it was filled with cheese, dates and nuts! Fantastic.

We rested in the restaurant until our guide came to fetch us 1 1/2 hours later and forced us to reluctantly leave the AC. But first we discussed the rest of the day. He realized we didn't feel well and so took us back to his house!

Were we met his whole extended family consisting of 14 people including his grandmother who "rules the roost", he calls her the commander, his 2 children, his wife, his brother and his wife and their children. Amazing family, poor, and simple and serene and religious and happy. Two days earlier was a birthday festival for their Guru so we benefited by being offered all types of delicious sweets that had prepared for the celebration. Don't remember what they were all called but several types of balls called Ladoo, were offered, made from wheat (I think farina) and sugar and butter and seasoning...absolutely delicious melt in your mouth stuff, just sweet enough...but we were so full from the restaurant we could only take little tastes of each thing but the smile on the grandmother's face was worth the effort of tasting all of them.

Then they simply gave us their beds, which are in the "living room" and left to let us rest until we had to leave 2 hours later for the Taj Mahal.

Well, the Taj Mahal...the reason we suffered through this whole horrible day -is a s beautiful as you can imagine it to be - but not worth the price in money ($25!!!!) or in physical energy expended on such a day - it is disgusting outside of it...I can now understand all those who say "don't bother" - you well not feel cheated if you come to India and don't see the Taj Mahal

Our driver picked us up and then took us for a bowl of soup at the same restaurant as we needed nourishment and AC again urgently and we still had time before the train left. In the end, we still wound up waiting and almost fainting away at the crowded and very hot train station for a long time. The train was late but we finally found ourselves seated and wanted to sleep but again they started with the food:

Tomato soup with breadsticks and butter, dal (lentils) very spicy, rice-delicious-tofu or chicken in delicious sauces, and a little crockery pot of delicious cool yogurt and naan (bread). All piping hot and fresh. And , as if this was not enough, ice cream for dessert. And of course a bottle of mineral water.

Well, we finally got to Delhi, had to get back to the hotel. We are already experts and a driver tried to scam us with the "I'll take you to a better hotel" after we already agreed on a price and promised to deliver us to our hotel...not realizing that we were already 3 days in our hotel and knew how to get there...and we both jumped down his throat and almost physically assaulted him we were sooo tired and angry...we gave him "what for" and that was the end of the story...Well...he was a maniac driver...our first since our arrival...all the others were fine..but we did get home safe and sound at 11:30 and were so full of adrenaline by then that it took us a few hours to fall asleep...but then we slept so well until my Mother woke us early with a phone call!

Tomorrow we are off to Manali and then up to Leh in the Himalayas until the 31st of August when we will be back in Delhi.

PS: One of the other people who will be traveling with us to the Himalaya with our guide is a travel writer for a big company in India much like lonely planet but for the local market.
His web-site for his company is as follows if anyone is interested in seeing it. The purpose of this trip is to check out Leh so he can write about it for the site.
traveljini.com

Aug 17, 2001 To Manali

2006-10-01T17:36:00.000+03:30

We’ve been a a very long, hot and dusty road from Chandigarh since 8 this morning. It is now 4 PM and after a lunch of chapati and dahl which we ate Indian style with our hands, we have started climbing into the foothills and it is starting to cool down. For now it is similar to going up into the Carmel Mountains in Israel, but the height of the foothills here is 2000 meters, as high as the HIGHEST peak in Israel, the Hermon on the Lebanese border where the only Israeli ski “resort” is located. Here, the mountains just BEGIN at that height!

Aug. 18….12:30 PM
I will continue with yesterday’s trip later, but right now I am sitting in the garden of our hotel right outside of Manali and it is even more beautiful than in the pictures. Filled with Zinnias, marigolds, flocks, asters, cosmos, roses, apple trees and grass. It is situated between rolling green mountains covered with green and pine trees-their peaks hidden by the mist.

It is pristine beauty at it’s peak. The only sounds we hear are birds and the flow of rapids and waterfalls which are everywhere in this amazing lush valley. The sky is so clear and the air so fresh-Behind this garden I see a vegetable garden with corn and don’t know what else. But we’ve been told the food here is among the best in India. Actually, from the faces of the people here, it looks more like Tibet or China .

The sun is amazingly strong even thought the air is clean and cool. We are only at 2000 meters now, 6000 feet and will eventually get to 4000 meters in Leh after a pass of close to 6000 meters! It is like the kind of rare spring days that we have in Israel that we wish would continue forever.

Well, we were given our room which is actually a suite-even has a fireplace!...and a small sitting room with 2 terraces and access to the garden. Very high international standard and it is costing us about $30 a night which is very expensive for here but I wouldn’t give this up for anyplace, and, aside from the fact that it is tortuous to get here, would love to come back.

Now backtracking a little, I woke up 2 days ago after our horrible day in Agra, feeling the beginning of “sick” throat, like sinusitis and a general poor feeling. We slept that day until after 10- did only emergency things in Delhi and at 4 met Milan, our guide and one of the other guys who is going with us. After that, we were too exhausted to do anything. And we had to be up at 6 AM.

Slept well and woke up not feeling any worse but not any better-but sometime during the morning I already had a slight fever. I’ve been using Vit C, propolis, echinechea, tea tree oil to gargle, Reiki, reflexology and some drops in hot water that A. gave me. But still, I am actually worse now. It is 6”30 on Saturday and we did not leave the hotel all day. …Back to the trip up to Manali….

After getting into the cooler foot hills, the ride was easier but I became car sick…probably shouldn’t have eaten so much at lunch right before the roller coaster roads…but a couple of hours later it passed and the rest of the trip I felt OK. We traveled until 10 PM and then found out the road was washed out to our hotel by the rains the same day, and so we stayed in another hotel until the next day when we could navigate the washed out road to the placed I described at the beginning of this post.

Aug 18-21 Manali to Leh by Jeep

2006-10-01T17:25:00.000+03:30

We are both a little under the weather, but so are the two young guys with us. We rested all day yesterday and tomorrow are leaving for Leh.

A. is staring to get on my nerves...don't know how much longer I will be with her, but on the other hand it is very nice not being completely alone...we'll see how things go.

I have no pelephone connection here, so no point leaving me messages...will let you know when I get someplace where it works again.

The place here is unbelievable beautiful...pictures will not do it justice.

OK..here goes the full mountain trip story...part might be repetitive but bear with me...

We arrived in manali late at night to find the road washed out to our hotel so we stayed the nite in another hotel. We ALL slept including the 2 young guys with us -23 and 30 who also suffered no less than we did during the trip to Manali.

We left Delhi very early in the morning to take the Shabtabdi Express to Chandigarh (the same lovely train we took to Agra with all the wonderful service, food, water etc) and we arrived in Chandigarh just to pick up our jeep to go the rest of the way to manali. Well, we were all quite surprised when Milan turned up with a regular taxi for the journey, but no one said anything at that point. We figured he must know what he is doing and explained something about Himachal being a different district and local cars not being able to go or some such thing and getting this car until who knows what. Don't remember. Some India gibberish story I guess. Anyway, we started out straight away after arriving in Chandigarh after having had breakfast on the train.

The taxi was not very comfortable for all of us and our bags and also very very bumpy and unsteady on the roads. Nothing like we imagined traveling in relative comfort in a jeep. Along the way the views became more and more amazing however, and so our mind was taken off the vehicle except for the sharp turns or terrible holes in the road which brought us quickly back to reality. At some point we stopped at a local Dhabba (workingman’s restaurant) and alone I would never eat in such a place but Milan assured us it was clean, delicious and would be served to us not spicy. And he was right. Perfect Indian meal of rice and dahl and chappati and chai…no bathrooms of course but I found a nice truck to go behind and take care of myself before heading off again...and now the TRUE Journey begins....enjoy!

As we started working our way up to Manali it began raining lightly and our final approach was made in the dark but what we DID manage to see was just beautiful.

We woke up at 10 or so, ate breakfast and started off to our hotel to find that the road was still in bad shape too bad I didn't have the camera to document what we did here]. so we had to get out of the car which it somehow made it across a bed of rocks (remember this is still a taxi, not a jeep or 4x4 of any kind! )and we had to walk along the side of a rapids stream with a deep sharp incline without falling in , over a slippery rocky path to meet the car on the other side. My first REAL adventure.

Ten minutes later we arrived at this paradise and all of us decided to sleep away the day and into town [back across the same road] at 5 to shop, use internet and maybe find a coffee house to sit in.

Well I just fell into a real sick feverish sleep but woke a few hours later, ate a light lunch of cream of veg [fresh from the garden] soup and stuffed Naan, delicious and then laid down on the grass to sun bathe and get my sinuses flowing...I then came in to rest and fell asleep again and we did not go out with the guys who also were still done in but had to report back to their offices.

I just got out of a steaming lavender bath and we will eat soon and then probably sleep until morning.

mood is actually wonderful..just being here in this amazingly beautiful valley is enough to make anyone content...we still have tomorrow to rest before our really hard trip to Leh...we must go into town...I need a warm coat and hope to find a shawl as
well

ASIDE: The 2 guys with us are just like any guys their age around the world. Well educated, apparently from well-to-do homes, who have started with other friends a travel company via the internet. They have been in business 15 months, work very hard like all the hi-tech people and just want to get ahead and have more "stuff"...they are very sweet though...

Well...but now, back to our unusual day the next day. We were told we would be going into town for the day so we both were up and dressed and fed by 10 which seemed late enough to us. While we were waiting, one of the guys came down still in
PJ's and when we asked what we are doing he said going into town...when? soon...around 1 o'clock!! that's time here! anyway, I went back and slept and we finally left for town.

Manali is a beautiful but very touristy place with tons of Israelis, Hebrew signs all over the place. We were going to eat chinese but the place was full so Milan
ordered a place and then the guys went to see some monastery and they dropped us off at the e-mail place. Then we ate and I told him what I needed from the shops for the trip to Leh...but he is so overprotective of us he
wouldn't let us out of his site for a minute so all these 3 guys had to follow me around to do my shopping...coat, shawl, toilet paper, notebook, cough drops, etc. Poor guys!

Milan is REALLY a "big" guy here in India...everyone knows him. .Like in the beautiful hotel suite we were in it actually costs $60 a nite and we were supposed to be in the plainer rooms but he got us what he called a "complimentary upgrade"...he
also knows the best places to eat and the best things on the menu and even orders for me "vegetarian not spicy". So when I told him I needed a shawl, and asked where to
go he said "You do not do that alone or you will definitely get ripped-off" I will get my
friend to come with us.. turns out his friend is like the governor...district head of the whole state of Himachal Pradesh and basically is like the godfather here...he has the power of judge and jury and executioner and he is feared and respected...so HE
took us to the best shop in town and then told me to pick the one I wanted and he would get me a good price. He assured me of the quality and then a
shawl which had the asking price of 6000 rupees, without a word I got for 1500 !!

After finishing all my shopping and some other boring stuff we went back to our hotel, again over the same washed out road, and it had already started raining,not a good sign for the next day [actually rained all nite steadily]Milan says this is highly unusual...he doesn't ever remember seeing this much rain and so steady in this area We went to sleep and got up at 6 to begin the trip toLeh. The jeep is very comfortable and we have a fantastic driver. A. takes up 1 1/2 seats in theback seat which is for three people but it actually turned out to be an advantage since me and the other guy sitting there were so tightly packed that we didn't get thrown around on the roads...

We set off at about 7:30 AM and started straight up into the Himalayas. The views are breathtaking...every minute something else to see...and the rain prevented us from really seeing clearly...we were first below the clouds and the mountain tops were all covered in clouds...waterfallsand rivers everywhere...you don't go for more than a few seconds without seeing another waterfall. And all is still lush green and trees and many varieties of flowers. My sense of time has disappeared so I don't know when it was, but we stopped for toilets and breakfast of lemon tea and butter toast.

Mostly we are not eating today or tomorrow while traveling except for water and raisins and dates...(except A.who bought tons of cake and cookies in Manali and that is what SHE is eating and offering but no one else will touch the stuff!- she is also the only one smoking during the trip!!-at this altitude it is really deadly!)

Then we headed off to our first high pass - Rohtangpass at 3980 meters

It was very cold there and still raining...the scenery had already changed also. We went from below the clouds to INTO the clouds where we saw nothing but white out of the windows and the road directly in front...and then came out ABOVE the clouds...still green but no more trees. Many people at that height are sick but so far I seem to be OK. The rest of the trip was down through lush valleys with terraced fields dotted with colored houses and beautiful serene people all around..happy smiling faces even though they have a very rigorous, difficult life here in this desolate area...and then along the valley...Spitti I think and then up again

Jispa has the only hotel in the area and is our chosen nite stop even though it is only 1/3 of the way. It is "only" around 3000 meters so better for sleeping and acclimatization. It is hard to climb steps here but otherwise I feel OK. We ate a lite lunch and went to sleep and now we are resting until we meet for dinner. Tomorrow we leave at 5 AM and then it is:"each man to himself" as Milan says... we will get to 6000+ meters over 18,000 feet and that could be very difficult...Hopefully I will continue to feel well. Tomorrow nite we will arrive in Leh and hopefully the next day I will get to write this all up(was I naive then...it is what? two weeks later that I am finally writing this up!!!)

Monday, August 20th-4 PM Jispa

I actually could not remember what day of the week It was...time has no meaning whatsoever here...not the hour or the day...things just flow and you learn to flow with them.

We are after the 1st third of our trip up to Leh.

Passed the highest pass for today at 3900 meters. I'm feeling OK. Just tired....but some of the others are really feeling poorly...today it rained most
of the way until we got ABOVE the clouds. Milan says this type of rain here is VERY unusual! But now we are well above the clouds and tomorrow we will start up into the Great Himalayas (as if 3900 is not "great") and the real rough part of the trip. We are meant to be on the road for a full 17 hours

5:30...I'm back...it is hard work being this high...we are now at about 3,500 meters.

Jispa..end of first day on trip from Manali to Leh overland
I'm still not sure what I am feeling here. As an adventure it is great.. but I think I am not enough with myself. I have to start being with me more. We are actually only here a week but it seems like ages ago I sat in my room in Pardes Chana and imagined being here. the quiet and serenity is something you can feel. Delhi was not as horrible as anyone made it out to be and I really didn't feel that I was suffering there. The heat is difficult and the first days in general were confusing and disorienting but not physically. I was quite pleased with the hotel although she complained all the time. but being away from there is certainly much healthier. I can see myself not returning to there for a long time. I don't know how much of all of India I will eventually see..travelling here is very difficult...just because the distances are very long and basically what we've done so far is travel and rest after traveling. Hopefully when we get to Leh we will have time just to BE in India without getting from one place to another.
I have this general mood of almost giddy joy. Also pride at simply having gotten myself here. I am certainly not at the epitome of health and physical conditions of being on the road are difficult. But my mood is so high that it seems to compensate.
I could imagine myself living in such a country but don't know if it is a practical something for me to do
The people we are meeting here are amazing and very familiar in many ways.
I still don't know what the thing is here that is waiting for me...but I guess I will when it happens.
Sometimes a fear wells up and I think how I put myself in this place that is so far from home and me all alone...and how can I get out if I want to. But it passes quickly and I guess it is only natural. It is good we are with Milan this whole first part of the trip. He really knows the ropes and it makes our life much easier.

Same day Jispa...before we went to sleep we opened oursuitcases to get some stuff out and found that rain hadleaked into everything...what a mess...so we hung ourclothes up all over the room and went to sleep for afew hours...woke up to eat a lite dinner and went tosleep early. We were woken up at 3:30 Am and wentdown with all our stuff.. had some tea and set our forthe beginning of 17 hour trip...It was very cold andI was dressed in all the layers I had, plus my newcoat (which I bought for 35 shekel in Manali) and myshawl with the fleece blanket I bought in Israelspread across all our laps...about 3 hours later itactually got nice and warm. Except for when we wentover the passes... We drove (the day is basically ablur...I just keep thinking of the song Daddy used tosing "the man went over the mountain"....but at somepoint we stopped at "Everest Cafe"" for breakfast. Itis basically a "town" of 10 tents made of oldparachutes in the middle of no where and nothing. There are several of these dotted over this desolateplace...Most people spend their first nite in one ofthese "towns" called Sarchu which is VERY high,freezing cold, only tents, no real food etc. and weare lucky that Milan did not let us do that and madeus stay over in Jispa.... Everyone ordered eggs but I didn’t think I couldmanage that on the curving roads [roads is a nice wordfor what we drove on most of the time] and then I sawa can of oatmeal on the shelf and asked him to make meporridge...and so in the middle of no where on the wayup to the top of the world, I had oatmeal forbreakfast! It's among the very incongruous things that happenhere. Like we are sitting in this cyber cafe sendinge-mail where we had just finished eating Tibetan momossoup (delicious...just like kreplach but much tastierfillings) and playing in the background are thebeatles and there are signs all around in Hebrew!

Aug 21, 2001- First Day in Leh

2006-10-01T17:09:00.000+03:30

We are now in Leh after a trip that basically lasted 3 days. The last day we traveled a full 17 hours over the highest motorable road in the world. We literally went over the "top of the world" when we passed over the Tangla La Pass which is almost 6000 meters. The trip was not easy but ALOT easier than I imagined it would be. I did not suffer any altitude sickness, no headache, no nausea...just was very tired and slept alot in this jeep that was driving over roads not roads and bumping and swaying the whole way...and I slept!!!

The only time I noticed the lack of oxygen was when I had to pee!!! I never realized how much exertion it is to walk a few meters away from the jeep, pull down your pants, squat, and then pull everything back up and get your money belt and 5 layers of clothing all neatly tucked back in again!

The trip over the Himalayas kept reminding me of the song Daddy used to sing to us...

the man went over the mountain
the man went over the mountain
the man went over the mountain

and what do you think he saw....he saw another mountain...etc.

and what do you think he did?...he climbed the other mountain etc.

And that is basically what we did for 17 hours!!! There is no way words can describe what we experienced during this trip however.

Desolate, isolated, uninhabited, stark barren beauty, heaven, endless, peaks and more peaks and more peaks, snow capped until finally you get to a point where all the peaks are below you! It is indescribable and photographs cannot capture it either....it is something you must experience. I don't think I have ever done something so grueling in my life and don't regret a minute of it. I got through it better than I could ever have imagined and am quite proud of myself.

We are now in Leh and I can understand one of the reasons Chanale loved it here and didn't want to leave. The whole town is one giant flea market!! Yesterday, our first day here we mostly rested to get used to the lack of oxygen, and in the evening went out a little. I'm feeling very well but even for me walking up the hill was too difficult. Today should be better. I finally found food I like..Tibetan food is much more interesting and tasty than indian food. The dal (lentils) is all I really like here but the tibetan food we ate yesterday was fantastic. Today I will be eating Italian food for lunch. Really miss Pasta!!! As in Manali, there are signs all over the [place here in Hebrew but there are tourists here from all over the world. We are in an expensive hotel now ($25 a day for the room) and will be looking for a cheaper place today.

The place here has something magical about it which I am finding difficult to put into words even for myself. But when I manage to figure it out, I will write to all of you.

We are in a valley caressed by the Himalayas on all sides, with snow-capped peaks looking down on us. The flowers which grow here in the gardens are unbelievably beautiful and lush, the people beautiful, serene smiling peaceful and pleasant. Nothing like other Indians we've met so far. But they basically are Tibetans and the area is Buddhist. They are beautiful people.

We haven't really explored yet but will be here for another 8 days before leaving. Seems like I won't want to leave here. Might just change my plans...will see. Soon it will begin snowing here however and then it is a problem to get out. The weather is beautiful. Very warm during the day. The sun is VERY VERY strong at this altitude and in the morning and nite quite cool.

Aug 22,2001 Somewhere Over the Rainbow-The Magic of Music

2006-10-01T16:55:00.000+03:30

There is a peace here I have never felt.

This is my second day in Leh and I got up early this morning and went down for e-mail and breakfast and had a nice few hour stroll through Leh, bought a few things, came back to Hi-Life restaurant for lunch of pasta (!) and came back to the room to rest but wasn't sleepy. Did yoga for about an hour and now I am sitting out on the roof top terrace where it has turned quite wintry. I am all hooded up in my new coat and woolen sox. They tell me it is now snowing over the passes we got through just 2 days ago and they might even be closed. We were lucky. It would have been nice to see the snow but not very nice to get stuck there!

I am now listening to my 6o's music on the walkman and writing and feeling quite pleased with myself. The flowers downstairs in the garden are amazing and I hope to try out my photography skills photographing them one sunny day!

It is hard for me to say how I am feeling. It is a little frightening being so far from home and thinking about shlepping around again in the hot places. It is so nice to be here where it is cool and even cold. It is very unusual weather for me since it is completely dry. I drink 4 liters of water a day and I am always thirsty. My skin is peeling and cracking but the air is so pure, crisp and clean, I wish I could take it home with me in a bottle. I really wish I could stay in a place like this for a long time but very soon it will be snowed over and we must get out before then. It is actually quite warm during the day when the clouds go away the sun is brutally hot and close by.

I think perhaps sometime when I get to Dharamsala or perhaps at this course in Ayurvedic Massage in Vashist near Manali I will have to go off on my own. I have to think of a way to get rid of some of the stuff I have here. It is too much.. don’t' know what to get rid of but when we get back to delhi after manali I will have to do something. Can't lug it all around with me for the rest of the trip. Will find out how to send some home.

Being here in Leh is something different. We have no phone, no TV, see no newspapers and we don't even have electricity for most of the day. The stores each have a generator and when someone wants to come in to buy, they turn it on. We have hot water a few hours each day as does the whole city so it's OK. The whole town is "open" only 3-4 months of the year . Then it basically becomes a ghost town until the following summer season.

I have a dry cough which I can't seem to get rid of...but it is not painful or anything, just annoying, Not the kind that keeps you up at nite. I sleep beautifully. It is probably from the extreme change in weather conditions..and my nose doesn't stop running!!

There is a peace here I have never felt.

Judy Garland just started singing "somewhere over the rainbow" and maybe that is what this is like...I've gotten to that place where the clouds are far behind me..."where troubles melt like lemon drops"...that's what I feel like. I wish I could just be here forever. I've flown over the rainbow like the bluebirds...but I have to come back one day. Now I know what chanale felt like here. The tears are flowing now but it is a beautiful feeling of release. I haven't felt in a long time. You never know what music will do to you and what song will do it when!

Listening to it again and again and crying..the words are just perfect. But I've already woken up beyond the clouds.. what a perfect song for this place.

Now just listening and enjoying...looking around at the mountain tops which I keep trying to photograph but I think it is impossible to capture anything near what this place is.
It really is like a dream place beyond the rainbow. A place you must BE in to know
During the journey here I also took very few pictures because they could in no way capture the essence of this magical place. It truly is a privilege and a blessing that I've gotten here.
Time here is also something that is nothing close to the concept I've had of it all my life. I really have to make an effort to know what day of the week it is and the hours just go by in a totally different dimension. It is truly like being in a new dimension...nothing works the same as we know it in our world. I can already see what a problem it is going to be to come home, and also why people keep coming back here. I am already thinking of ways to save money to come here next year but earlier in the season so I can stay longer.

Ancient Monastery and Ladahki Toilets …Amazing Views of Indus Valley and The Shay Festival

2006-09-30T15:07:00.000+03:30

We had decided to take a short day trip by jeep from Leh to see the surrounding countryside. We met a very cute young Israeli couple, Merav and Gidi, aged 23 and 27 and they decided to join us. We left at 8 AM and were promised a trip to see a couple (only a couple as per our request) of gompas which are monasteries and the then visit in a couple of villages, see the official king of Ladakh (the state in which Leh is the capitol) palace and also have lunch at a normal restaurant. That was the plan for the day and we were supposed to be back at 4 which sounded fine to us...We had one day left after that to rest before leaving Leh yesterday on Friday to come back to Delhi.

The jeep picked us up right on time at our hotel and the second couple along the way by their hotel and we set off down the road. We traveled through changing countryside until we got to the area of the Indus river which is green and flourishing, a valley between two mountain ranges, on the left side looking very much like the Arava road approach to Eilat and on the other side, amazingly beautiful mountains in red and green colors of stone striped diagonally as if someone had painted them. Again, basically impossible to describe but take my word for it, it was absolutely stunning.

We drove along very happily eating rolls we had bought the evening before and dried apricots (just a word here about these apricots...they grow wild all over the Leh area and you can pick them directly from the trees...sweet as honey with no pesticides of any kind...and then many of them are locally sun dried...they look terrible...all brown and shriveled and with the pit...but they literally melt like sugar in your mouth. We also had fresh apricot juice to drink everyday....I've never tasted anything quite like it before in my life...if I had room, I would have brought some home)

...and drinking water and chatting and enjoying the wonderful cool mountain air...first stop was a Gompa all the way on the top of a mountain with a village and fields stretched out below it...something you might imagine out of a middle age novel or movie...the colors of the fields ranged from bright to dark green and were interspaced with beautiful golden wheat fields in swirling patterns, again, as if painted for our benefit...the wheat was being harvested (all by hand of course) and was stacked in beautiful round stacks giving more beauty to the scene stretched out below us. The monastery was very authentic, not putting on airs for tourists , and a novice lama was very thrilled to show us around. It's been there for centuries but is continually being refurbished and painted and maintained by generation after generation. All hand carving and hand paintings which are unbelievable but doubt will come out in the few pictures I attempted shooting. !

You have to understand that the monastery is not built ON the mountain, it is carved INTO the mountain and you just keep walking up and up through caverns and more levels...fascinating...We even saw two workers carving by hand using primitive tools intricate wood carvings for the ceiling of a room which was being redone. There was also some old tibetan guy with a big smile on his face carrying clay type bricks from down below all the way up to the roof up all these steps, up and down and over and over and all the time singing...also tried to photograph him...I 've tried photographing all kind s of unusual and interesting people and faces but don't know how good I am with a camera...time will tell

Well, we then finally had our fill and left and back down the mountain and up another one to see another very famous monastery call Hemis, which turned out to be just a tourist showplace built in 1987 and we didn't even stop to look. But were quite hungry and there was a restaurant there, and for the first time, we forgot we were in India and assumed you can eat anyway you stop along the road...haha...we ordered and when the food arrived, well, A. and Merav ate but Gidi and I had a little more sense, and despite the fact that we were very hungry, did not eat...won't go into details but Merav and A. did not feel very good the rest of the day.

Also...one more type of toilet I haven't yet described since it is basically indescribable...you have to be there to really experience it with the humming of the flies and the pungent aroma!!! But it is called a Ladakhi toilet and is basically just a mound of dirt with a hole dug through it inside a wooden room with no light so you can't even really see where the hole is which accounts for part of the aroma...I think no more need be added, but it was also a kind of interesting experience...sometimes you just have to go!

From there we traveled through a village, saw a local rug weaving cooperative as well as a local clinic and then our driver said all of a sudden there is a festival in a local town.

The Shay Festival!
This has got to have been the highlight of our trip so far as far as seeing local people and definitely not planned. It seems this guy , once a year, goes into a trance and becomes an oracle who can solve all the problems of the villagers and we were there just as he was beginning his trance. All the villages were there in their best clothing, beautiful local costumes and there was music played by drummers and pipers also entranced...don't think any words or pictures will describe what we saw or felt but it was certainly worth the whole trip for the hour or so we spent there.

Won’t go into further details but the rest of the day went by with no normal food and we finally got back to leh and had a very nice dinner and then slept like the dead until evening.

The next day, our last day in Leh, we hung around alot with Merav and Gidi, I ate the best custard of my life in a little restaurant on the rooftop above a bubbling mountain brook covered with cedar like trees...just a very pleasant and quiet day...the kind of days I would like to go back to Leh for...
In the evening we met all our newly found friends in Leh for a farewell dinner which was very nice a and we were given a special honor and blessing by the restaurant people where we had eaten most of our meals for a good life and good journey...all in all a very nice end to a very nice 10 days.

Leh Airport Security, Flight Over the Himalayas and Arrival Back in Delhi

2006-09-30T15:01:00.000+03:30

Next morning we left for the airport at 5:30 to fly back to Delhi. I always thought that Ben Gurion had the tightest security of any airport in the world...well...not any more. You cannot believe what went on in Leh airport. We were searched and frisked no less than 5 times, no hand luggage is allowed on the plane...they even take away lighters and matches...you have to sign a book before you go through more security checks, and you have to identify your luggage personally before it is loaded on the plane...this is after it has gone through a security check.

All of this takes a lot of time, but the staff and soldiers are so pleasant and peaceful, that we just took it all in our stride and eventually boarded the plane. The Jet Airways company is fairly new, the planes are beautiful, the staff very pampering, all in all a flight like to Eilat of less than an hour but in addition to drinks and snacks a full breakfast is served!!

The flight over the Himalayas is no less impressive than the overland route we took from Manali and both have to be experienced to be appreciated. The magnificence of the snow capped peaks flying above the mountains and below the clouds is truly awesome...no words can really describe ...as seems to be the case with alot of things in India...it must be experienced!!

We arrived very easily into Delhi and we are already experienced travelers here and had no trouble getting to our hotel...the driver again started to try and rip us off but realized very quickly that we were not novices to be made fools of..

As preferred customers, we received a really nice room this time in the hotel...too bad it is only for one nite...We relaxed a little and then an Indian guy I had met on the Internet from down south came up to visit and we spent quite a good part of the day with him...it is always interesting seeing places through the eyes of Indians and seeing that they too have certain problems coping but they certainly do it much better than we do...like crossing a busy street for example. We did it only once before and it took ages and we were scared out of our wits...there is no right of way or anything for cars, pedestrians...it is like a free for all and quite frightening...Well he just walked out into the confusion as if he were in an armored vehicle and no one could touch him and held up his hand to stop cars and bicycles and rickshaws from killing us and those that didn't stop he just put his hand on the bumpers and stopped them and kept walking...terrifying...and the two! of us behind him...and we did it twice!!

We ate in a local fast foods restaurant which was very modern and very clean and pleasant and had a nice light sandwich and lassi for lunch. They have all kinds of food including continental and Indian and Italian and snacks and cake and coffee and great ice cream and it is certainly a lot nicer than McDonald's for example which is also right down the road.

This morning, we finished our packing for leaving tonite by train for Dharamsala and thought to send a package home with extra stuff but the post office is only open until 1 on Saturday so we missed it.

Sept 2, 2001 Train Ride to Pathankot and Arrival in McLeodganj and Gaining My Freedom at Last!

2006-09-30T13:59:00.000+03:30

Well, I am just after my first nite in McLeod (Dharamsala) and also my first day as a "free agent" and I am feeling just wonderful.

So, let's get back to the train ride here, my first ride on an Indian sleeper train. We traveled 2-tier AC (air conditioned) and for me it was just perfect.

The train is a very pleasant experience...you are given bedding which is very clean including a pillow and you just curl up and go to sleep for the nite. The bathrooms are also quite clean with mirrors etc. Certainly nicer than those on a plane for example! I think next time I will try 1st class just for the experience to see how the really rich live...it is a lot more expensive but still cheap for any westerner.

Anyway, we arrived in a town called Pathankot about 3 1/2 hours drive from Dharamsala. We easily found a taxi (I am becoming a real pro at this stuff) and the road started out very nice but as we got higher into the hills and closer to Dharamsala, the roads became narrower, and more pock marked all the time, and at some point the road just basically disappeared and I haven't the faintest idea how these cars continue the steep, winding, hairpin curve climb up these mountains...eventually we got into McLeod which looks fascinating. I haven't really explored yet but will begin to today.

We got to our hotel which was highly recommended...but could be a few years ago it was nice but it is a real dump now...Hotel Tibet...terrible, including the food.
I immediately asked for separarate rooms as my companion and I had discussed and this is where the whole thing just blew up. For some reason she had convinced herself that I was bluffing...anyway...to make a long story short...you already know that we have parted company, but there was some very not nice words sent my way at some point. I really didn't care...it only proved that I was right in my decision, and the only mistake I made was probably not doing it sooner when I felt like it in Leh a couple of weeks ago...but I felt bad for her and with good reason.
After getting set up in my room I went to lay down for awhile before going out to explore, and there was a knock on my door....I opened it and A. was standing there all smiles as if nothing had happened and do I want to sit and talk...I said there is nothing to talk about and to please leave me alone to rest...maybe I would see her later....she began to cry and I simply closed the door and went to sleep..
A little while later the door knocked again, and I didn't answer, sure it was A. again, but then someone called "Hey Jane...it's Dyannne!"...This is a lady I had been in touch with from Israel who is the American kibbutz lady and she had come to look for me to take me exploring and just meet personally.

She was really my type of lady...very much like me in many ways, and so different from A. ...she also only travels alone but always meets up with people when she has the need. She was very pleased to meet me and we first went to eat and then she took me up to her guesthouse which was perfect and where I will be moving in a couple of hours. We sat and talked for about 3 hours and she understood completely about A. and even predicted what was to come and that it had happened to her several times in the past and I should just stick to my decision no matter what!

Well, after leaving her I went down to the best internet place town and started writing the letters you received yesterday and also chatting with my Indian friend on-line...who had met A. and asked me how I was doing etc. Little did I know that A. had slipped quietly in and was actually standing behind me reading everything I wrote without saying a word. I didn'[t write anything cruel or anything but certainly not pleasant things for someone to read about themselves, even if true. When I was all finished...she tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I was ready to sit and talk with her!

Well, you can just imagine my feeling of shock and discomfort, but I said "no problem...let's go eat dinner at a cute place I discovered!" (I forgot to mention to her that one of the nicest things about the restaurent is that it is "no smoking!!) Anyway, we sat down to talk and what happened next was realy difficult for me but I turned the switch in my head and realized that she was just a lost, frightened, spoiled child and from then on had no problem coping. She first revealed to me that she had never intended to come to India alone and only when she realized that I would take care of everything and take care of her as well, did she decide to come. She also mentioned that her parents would not have given her permission to go if she had saied she was alone!!! My God...the woman is 46 years old!!!! anyway, she cired, pleaded (dyanne had predicted all this don't forget) said she would have to go home immediately, said she didn't know how to do anything by herself, said she was scared, overwhelmed, pampered, needy...you name it...she even asked me to have pity on her and continue takiing her along with me.

What I finally did was...she came up to my room...gave her all options avilable including phone numbers, e-mails and addresses of all people she could talk to to help make any arragnements she may want to...gave her all options of leaving, staying, whatever, and finally at 10 PM (!) I sent her to her room to sleep.

I haven't seen her yet today but whatever she decides she is now on her own. I told her the time had come for her to realize her own true inner strengths and stopped being a spoiled little girl. How she manages to counsel others I have no idea! She actually was very thankful for the things I said to her and said it was the first time anyone had actually spoken with her in this way. I told her I have lots of experience...she even said at one point she purposely acted the way she did to make me feel guilty (which of course it didn't) and said she didn't understand why it didn't work...it works on everyone else...I reminded her that I raised 6 children and am immune to such childish behaviour!

OK...so now...I slept, a littly uncomfortably..the bed is not good..hope the bed in the guest house is better. I ate breakfast and now am here writing to you..

I will be moving to my new "home" in 1 hour and have a feeling that I will be staying here for a long time. they have cooking classes, yoga, ayuverda, buddhism lectures, meditation, dance classes...just tons to do and just beautiful mountains to walk around in just for contact with nature which I know I will do alot of. I have also discovered some book stores where you can buy used books and resell them and buy others and I have already started reading. Haven't read "just novels" in ages as I had no time and I am really enjoying...first one I picked was a robin cook called Contagion which I hadn't read yet

...also can now really enjoy my music alone in the room and even pampered myself with some luscious pastries yesterday in bed before I went to sleep. I think I will finally start gaining back weight here. I will also get some natural medicince to get rid of this annoying cough I still have.

By the way...it rains here all the time. Not all day, but sporadically...but it is warm rain like in NY in the summer and the weather is actually very pleasant. My first purchase yesterday was an umbrella which I have already used and it is really good I have these nice walking shoes with me...all muddy...I am having a BALL!
that's it fornow....will write again maybe later on today when I get settled in.

Sept 3, 2001- McLeod, Dharamsala Chopin, Monkeys, Oatmeal Cookies and Monsoon

2006-09-30T12:41:00.000+03:30

I am laying in bed, listening to Chopin, eating oatmeal raisin homemade cookies and apples (after a lunch of spinach ravioli - all freshly home made including spinach and tomatoes picked from the garden and home made pasta) and reading Robin Cook's Contagion and thoroughly enjoying myself and at complete peace. Outside there are monkeys looking in my window, monsoon rains pouring out of the sky and blocking out the sun for awhile and misting the mountain tops. I am completely at peace. Lavender insense pervading the room and I feel completely and serenly at home.

Went to a Tibetan doctor's clinic for something for my cough and after simply feeling my pulse she reported: "You have shoulder, upper back and neck pain, knee and hip pain especially on the right side, sensitive stomach, constipation right now and sometimes extremely low blood pressure!!"She gave me a prescription to take care of all these ills and I have to report back in 7 days with a urine specimen. All this including the herbal rememdies for a week (5 kinds of pills) for only 40 rupees!! She was so pleasant and serene-also checked my blood pressure which to my surprise was 100/80-don't remember when I last had such a normal BP.

9 PM...I slept awhile and then a deluge of rain thunder and lightening began. Haven't seen anything like it in a long time. And I had no desire to go out so got myself together...went to the kitchen here and the guy prepared me a grilled cheese sandwich and ginger and honey tea and brought it to my room.

I sat and read and listened to music and ate my last oatmeal cookie for dessert and just sitting here relaxing and thinking how blessed I am to be able to do this with my life! The room is very plain but very cozy and I've fixed it up to look like "home". The music is great, I'm so glad I went to all the trouble of making those tapes for myself. I have a sheet and pillow case from home. Put my sarong on one of the tables, the walls are covered in bamboo and straw woven mats and it is really very comfortable. I've asked for hot water for a morning shower and it will be heated at 7 AM so I know I will have a nice hot shower when I get up [ i DID have nice hot shower...with very strong flow which I haven't had once yet in India...it was quite a pleasant surprise!].

Spoke with the owner and she has a beauty salon [i have a 12 PM appointment today for a body massage and facial!!] downstairs and she is also a Reiki Master and I might do my master with her. She also suggested a very good place right nearby to do yoga [I already did here in the room but I really like once and awhile together in a group]. So tomorrow I will go out and see where that is and then pamper myself a little and just relax for the next couple of days. I will explore the town and then in a couple of days start taking walks up in the mountains which are right out side the back door here. I've been given some suggestions for nice walks of up to an hour with a "tea house" to sit and rest along the way. Hope to take longer and longer walks and maybe even get up the nerve to take an overnite trek.

Well, it's still the same day but 4 PM and after an interesting and relaxing day am getting back to catching up with myself.

The weather here is far from ideal, still lots of rain and nothing dries so i will be giving my stuff into the laundry from now on. Prowled around this morning and bought some stuff for the room...hangers, small mirror, rubber shoes for hanging around, woolen socks for cold feet after having a great breakfast of tsampa porridge which is tibetan and made from barley instead of oatmeal and is delicious...very smooth...and tibetan brown bread with butter and honey and tibetan herb tea which is supposed to be very good for colds and coughs.

Then I went back to my room and read a little before going for my facial and body massage...yummy! Then had some hot ginger and honey tea and a hot shower and went for lunch with Dyanne, the lady I met here. She showed me a few more interesting places good to know about and then we had absolutely delicious chop suey with fresh veggies and tofu and homemade crunchy noodles for lunch. Thought we would have choclate cake for dessert but had no room so I bought some choclate chip cookies to take back to the room. I picked up my laundry which I gave in two days ago and will soon go back to the room to listen to music, read and rest and either go out for dinner or eat in the guest house. End of another lovely day. Still haven't done much checking of courses etc. but I have plenty of time...just enjoying being with myself right now.
I am feeling so pleased with myself.

Sept 4-6, 2001- The View from the Terrace and The Movie “Theater” and Dry Clothes During Monsoon

2006-09-29T21:38:00.000+03:30

Sept 4th,,,10:30 PM

Well, just to end a perfect day...I had been resting and reading when Dyanne came at 7:15 to invite me to the movies! (a picture I had never heard of but you must see it if you can...called "Baraka") Well, we just got back after movies and dinner and I will now read a little and go to sleep. I am really, truly, finally on a real vacation and enjoying every minute! Now playing solitaire and listening to Music and eating cookies! What a life!

It is now morning of September 5th, 7 AM I'm getting back to my old feeling of familiar home and schedule...and I just realized what the best thing about this room is...not only that I have my music whenever I want it. But I have this nice big bed(it's a double room), and one side is where I sleep and one side is where I have all my "stuff"...just like at home! I could actually see myself living here...of course winter comes in a few months and it snows...but right now it is wonderful. and there is so much left to explore...I haven't even begun...maybe today I will feel like it and if not...there is always tomorrow!!

9:40 AM...I've just finished eating breakfast and that delicious Tibetan tea, Tibetan brown bread (which most resembles and english muffin in shape, but is made of whole flour and is denser but very delicious) and I had two sunny-side up eggs for a change.

I am looking out the window at the nearby hills (3000+meters) and the distant Himalayas covered inmist...and below, flowing away the green lush valleycovered with trees and dotted with houses...from whereI sit the valley is like a gorge with the "hills"rising on both sides. There is a little sun thismorning which is very pleasant and the air is crisp.Very pleasant just sitting here.

I brought some stuff in to the laundry since the one big problem here isNOTHING DRIES and even if it started dry, if it is not in plastic bags it absorbs moisture...Like I have to go out and buy a cigarette lighter since my matches don't work and everything I finally have dry, I am now keeping in plastic bags for safe keeping. The laundry apparently dries the stuff as best as they can and then uses a drier for the final drying and then irons the stuff so it is really nice when I get it back. But I only have one long sleeve T-shirt (aside..bought another nice one yesterday in a shop for only 12 shekel) and I don't want to be without it for 2 days. and so for now I am wearing it waiting for a warmer day to give it in. Today I have in 1 pair of pants, 2underpants, 3 pair of sox all had been drying for 4days and were still damp...and it cost me 50 rupees.

September 6th...10:30 AM

Well, yesterday after resting in the afternoon I went down to lunch with Dyanne and we had delicious fried vegetable momos (remember I told you when they are in soup they are similar to kreplach) and I had tofu spinach soup...mmmmmmmmmmm!

I then went to get my horoscope from a Tibetan monk and she went off to the tibetan doctor I recommended...as she has the beginnings of a sore throat.

The reading was amazing. I wrote it all down and one day if I have the inclination, I will write it down. He also gave me his e-mail and told me to write to him anytime I have a question.

Then I went back to the room for a few minutes as I was planning to go out and see the movie"chocolate"...all of a sudden the heavens opened...since from my experience rain doesn't last very long here...I simply took my umbrella and went out. But this was REAL RAIN...I was soaked through almost instantly up to my knees...drenched...but just went on to the "movie theater" got there and in walked with me some other drenched people with no place else to go...it is actually someone’s home. A big cavernous high ceiling room with a bed, large screen TV and DVD and rows of old, hard benches to sit on. A little girl was watching Tom and Jerry on the Cartoon Channel and was quite upset when 6 PM came around and the movie had to start!!

The rain pouring onto the tin roof was thunderous and the first 1/2 of the movie we really had to concentrate to hear. Twice the electricity went off and the generator had to be started but it was a GREAT movie and I'm not sorry I went.

I headed back for my room hoping at least for a hot shower but still no electricity so I settled for a tomato cheese toast and hot ginger tea, said "HI" toDyanne and then put on some nice music, read and slept peacefully until this morning.

And guess what? The sun is shining for real for the first time since I'm here and it is even more beautiful than I realized. Hung out all my blankets and sheets to air and now am after breakfast and off to do some errands.

Sept 7, 2001-"Accept the Night as the Day"

2006-09-29T21:28:00.000+03:30

Yesterday was a fairly regular day...met some more nice people, strolled around, and nothing
special to write. But I had interesting
dream...in which I heard a saying "accept the night as the day" and understood it to mean that all things come and go in their own time and according to master plan and both nite and day, easy and hard, happy and sad, fast and slow, peace and upset, everything follows each other and must come together...you cannot have one without the other.

Woke up very peaceful this morning, met a nice young Israeli girl and we spoke awhile about
famiies and children. Went out to check out the Reiki Master guy and it was my first real "far"
mountain walk and it was beautiful. I will ben starting the course on Sunday at 3 and it will last
about 2 weeks including practical work (Lasted longer in the end). It seems a
lot better than the ones given in Israel although I don't really know. It certainly is cheaper.
800 shekelAnd I also found a place to do Ayuverdic Massage. When I came back to town to eat I sat near 2 Israeli (what else?) girls and one said to the other "I'd love to bring my mother here" and the other said" no way...mothers don't come to these places!" and I had to reply "Bring her here...she'll love it" and, as always, when I speak hebrew people are astounded since I don't look at all Israeli!

so we stared a converstationa and talked for some time and she saw me with the ayuverda
pamplet and asked " are you doing that also?" I told her I wasn't sure if I wanted another course and she said "Oh, please, please...I need a partner" and
so I asked her to register me so I wouldn't have to go back up the mountain. So, if there is still
room...I will be registerd and if not, I guess it wasn't meant to be.

Now I am sitting and listening to Israeli Folkdancing Music and it is pouring cats and dogs outside [everyone who lives here says the weather is most strange for this time of year and it usually is quite pleasant most days by now. but then again the weather is weird all over the world...they also blame pollution etc for the changes] and I will now start to plan my Rajastan trip.

Oh, now just ate a REAL American brownie, chewy with lots of nuts and it was mmmmmmmmmmmmm I can't believe how well I am eating here consistently...had a vegetable and tofu pie for lunch!

8 PM...rested, read, did meditation and then the rain was over so came out to check e-mail. thouight to write a long letter but will do it tomorrow..the computers were very slow this evening

The only real problem is I miss everyone...but it will not keep me from enjoying this to the fullest. My horoscope as well as my Tarot cards today are forcing me to put things in FOCUS...less thinking, more being in the moment, less planning, more experienceing...have
to really really start working on focusing on the NOW.

I am feeling more and more at ease with myself and realize that this breaking away from everything was basically the only thing I could have don.e I have had neither a headache or neck ache or shoulder ache since I got here and I must get myself to the point where I can live this way when I get back also....if that's at ll possible...no matter how you look at it
though, money is a problem if you don't have it...

__________________________________________________

Sept 8t, 2001 Closer to Myself and the Majesty of God's Creations

2006-09-29T21:14:00.000+03:30

I am sitting again at Nick's restaurant waiting for my breakfast...after making my first venture up into the mountains for real..and to my great delight and surprise, I did a full 10 kilometer walk up and back around the other side of the mountain climbing up at a steady sharp up angle all the way through some of the most beautiful scenery I have ever seen.

I have never been IN a place like this, let alone WALKED in it. I have taken pictures but there is no way to DESCRIBE the feeling of sheer bliss of having accomplished something like this.

The first 10 minutes were intimidating as I had no idea how far it was to the top or how long it would take...but my goal was to get to the "tea shop" and order ginger and honey tea and eat my apples and dried apricots.

Once I got into the swing of things though, I started to really enjoy myself...aside from what you see it is also what you hear. Absolute quiet punctuated by the chirping of birds or occasional screech of hawks and the continuing sound of falling water over the mountains...every once in awhile someone passes and smiles and the odd rickwhaw can be seen for those who don’t realize what they are missing by not walking to the top

...every new adventure for me brings me closer to myself and closer to the majesty of God's creations...I amaze myself continually and at some point, did what Evi suggested and literally yelled from the mountaintop "magia li" (I deserve this!)... I think I will give up the massage course as I feel right now this freedom of movement and self-discovery is more important to me...but will do the Reiki Master for sure.

Sept 11, 2001 Rickshaw Ride in the Rain and Moving up to the Penthouse

2006-09-29T19:23:00.000+03:30

The Quiet Sounds of Nature

Woke up Sunday with lots of errands and also had to go to my first Reiki meeting in Bhagsu at 3. Bhagsu is the next town up the road...about a 20 minute walk up the mountain..not bad but it depends on the weather. Since it usually rains in the afternoon, I decided to take a rickshaw up there. Tried calling the airline to change my ticket, brought in laundry, went up to Kana Nirvana where volunteers are sorted out to find out about volunteer work and nothing worked...At one point I just ate lunch and then came back to rest.

Woke up at 2:15 and it was already threatening rain. Got dressed and although I didn't feel like it, got ready to leave when the rain started. Wasn't worried since I intended to take a rickshaw but to my surprise there weren't any!

The rain had started a few minutes earlier and all of them were taken. Well, I decided to start walking up the mountain and finding one on the way and in 2 minutes I was soaked through. I had an umbrella but that doesn't prevent feet and legs from getting wet from the riquochetting rain. The rain got so hard that I had to stop and found a place where a kind of shelter had been set up and lots of people were just "waiting out the rain". But I had to be someplace (At my Reiki Master Course) and so kept looking for a ride but all the rickshaws were taken.

Finally, I just stepped in front of one and stopped it and squeezed in next to the other 2 passengers (Israeli guys but I spoke English) and rode up with them half sitting on one their laps with the rain pouring in the side of the rickshaw all over me.

Well, I finally arrive dripping wet and cold to the place and spent the next 3 hours cold and wet and then eventually got home, got undressed, hot tea, hot shower, light meal and off to bed.

Woke up Monday morning with a real bad sinus headache and thought "Oh no, here we go again!!" (It was only later that I realized that much of the “under the weather” business was due to the Reiki Master Attunement I had underwent…bringing things up and out so to speak!) What to do??

Went out of my room and saw Dyanne and immediately forgot about how I was feeling. She looked and sounded like death warmed over and she decided to go down to the hospital to the out-patient clinic. I went along so she wouldn't have to do it alone in her condition. I was also concerned about the airline reservations, and my volunteer work and canceling my Reiki class for the day-bad morning-

well, we got to the hospital after a really scary ride down the mountain...and she got her medications...and we came back up the mountain. All this went pretty quickly as she was number 16 and number 4 was in when we arrived...we were only there about 1 hour. (It was very similar to the set-up in our local Kupat Cholim Health Clinics in Israel)

I then went out, cancelled my Reiki class, got through to Jordainian airways, changed my flight to leave from Delhi instead of Mumbai , ate a nice lunch, picked up my laundry and then came back to move to the room upstairs. Well, the room is really nice and very quiet. I'm now sitting up on the roof in the sun and the mountain panorama is even more awesome here than from one flight below. But there is as problem with the room..THE SHOWER DOESN'T WORK AND THEY DIDN'T BOTHER TO TELLME!! I wouldn't have moved since I had a great shower downstairs...so they are sending someone to see if they can fix it. I'd hate to have to move again. I'm really pissed!

Up here there is no meshing all around so the monkeys come right up to the window and even try to open the door to search for food in the room. This is as close to nature as you can get! It is actually really great.

Anyway, back to yesterday. I brought a urine specimen into my Tibetan doctor on the way to hospital in the morning with Dyanne, and when I got back, to my surprise she had already analyzed it. There was a long line to see her but when she saw me walk in, she ushered me right into her office. First she asked "Are you takingB12?" "You shouldn't take that before giving a urine specimen as I cannot analyze it properly for color!!"...But otherwise, all was well, I am basically very healthy...nice to know.

I told her I woke up feeling really bad and she checked my pulse once again...asked if I was feeling"lethargic"...I told her no, except for today and she prescribed stronger medication than the first week. She also said what I though was poison ivy or something on my back was from some insect and would soon go away.

When I finally got back to my room I slept for about 3 hours like a dead person and then had a nice bowl of soup and chatted with Dyanne and Kelly for awhile and then back to bed. The walkman broke!! No music!! I am trying to get it fixed, if not will by anew one.

Woke up this morning feeling alot better. will not go to Reiki for at least one more day since I don't feel like getting caught in the rain again. Checked out the volunteer work again this morning but the guy is only there in the afternoon so it will wait for tomorrow.

Yesterday we saw a beautiful double rainbow which is I guess a bearer of good tidings.,

I'm a little "down" today but I guess that's because I cant' climb my mountains or do anything I really want to. (Again, only afterwards, did I realize these were all symptoms of the Reiki Master Attunement I had had the other day). Also because I know all of this will soon come to an end and I really don't want to leave this place..its simplicity , its peace, but I know I have to.

It is a beautiful sunny day today, like spring in Israel, right now I am sunbathing and enjoying it. Crows in the trees and hawks cruising by monkeys Chattering, birds chirping and basically silence all around. Maybe it's good not having music for a few days.

Oh, forgot, found a shop here that not only sells tinctures like echinacea for when I run out and oils like tea tree, but also dreid fruits and nuts...bought myself a stock of raisins, almonds, cashews and pistachios and am having a ball. The only thing I REALLY miss here is lettuce.. I am reluctant to leave the roof now as when I get back it will already be cloudy, but have to do somethings...so be back later.

Sept 11, 2001- Following Reiki Master Attunment and Great Lasagna!

2006-09-29T19:22:00.000+03:30

I've been feeling really kind of "under the weather"as I wrote and called to cancel my reiki Master second session again. He asked me what my symptoms were and then went on to explain that it is very possible, and happens in many instances, that at the first initiation for Master and receiving of the Master symbol, many things from deep inside start to surface and that is probably what is causing me to feel the way I am...not being wet and cold for 3 hours...he says to take my time, not to rush, sleep as much as I feel like and keep doing reiki and see what happens. so that's it for now

... I have just eaten the most delicious lasagna that I have ever eaten in my life...as a matter of fact,probably one of the best MEALS I have ever eaten in my life. It is worth it to take the overnite train ride to McLeod just for this Lasagne...at the Kokinor restaurant on bhagsu road...I can still taste it! will certainly be back for more ...will try out every type they have over the next couple of weeks I am here.

Now going back to my room with some new purchases I made on the way, plus apples and my downfall here,chocolate brownies, oatmeal raisin cookies and chocolate chip cookies, and hopefully my shower is fixed and I will then ask for the kitchen in the room to be provided with gas burner and some minimal cutlery and pot to boil water and I am all set for a seige!

Sept 12, 2001- Ashish Fixes the Walkman! And my First Bucket Shower!

2006-09-29T19:00:00.000+03:30

Snow in the Mountains and Reiki Magic!

TWIN TOWERS "STORY" TURNS OUT TO BE REAL!!!

First of all, thanks to everyone who tried to help with the walkman. But Ashish the guy who works here and cooks the meals and cleans and rents the rooms and everything else that has be done, also fixed the walkman for me!!! He opened it up and found some band had fallen off and he put it back on and everything is fine now!!

Yesterday decided to try a "bucket" shower as I really don't want to leave this room up here in my own private paradise. They could not fix the shower...apparently it never really worked as there is not enough pressure to the third floor but most people don't complain. The owner said she would give me a discount on the room so that will be OK. I thought to have the kitchen put into use but don’t' really want to bother.

So I woke up this morning feeling completely better..don't know if it is the Tibetan medicine or
the Reiki or both and I don't really care

...it rained during the nite quite a lot and this morning the distant mountain tops have snow on them...Tried to take some pics but doubt they will come out. The scenery this morning (6:30 AM) was the clearest I have ever seen it...no mist in any direction and it was absolutely breathtaking.

The Master symbol seems to really be working now and my reiki this morning made me feel really "whole" and content.

Last nite after 10 Ashish came to wake me and said I had phone call and I really got scared for
a minute...but then he said it was from Madras so I knew it was Ravin. I wasn't prepared though for what he told me. Ashish had also been watching TV and started to tell me something about hijacking and bombs but I didn't understand him and then Ravin told me about the twin towers and the pentagon and I kind of didn't believe him. Well I went to sleep not fully absorbing what he told me and only this morning I heard more of the story and am now going down to check the internet. (Checked and I am, as probably the rest of the world is, in total shock and quite
frightened. What can possibly come of this???)

Sounds like something out of a novel or movie...cannot picture the twin towers collapsing and don't want to even imagine what the results are. Even here you cannot really "get away from it all"

More later...the two frineds I met in Leh.. Merav and Gidi, are coming to see me today and stay for awhile in McLeod and I have to go up and meet them soon.

Sept 14, 2001- Flowing with Reiki on a Rainy Day

2006-09-29T18:46:00.000+03:30

Been writing lately more personal journal entries so I haven't been sending them off...many interesting things happening.. good things...inner musings....

Yesterday, Thursday, was a nice day...lazy day...sun was hining in the morning...really beautiful and warm. Had breakfast with Merav and Dyanne after reading up on my own penthouse in the sun e-mail, shopping for books, lunch with dyanne Merav and gidi, off to Reiki

I think I can easily teach much better than he does...enjoyed giving reiki today and "felt" the flow very easily.

then back to guesthouse...ordered a banana pancake (the size of a dinner plate)with honey and decided to eat up in my room in peace and quiet and away from bugs and noisy Israelis. Dyanne also asked for her dinner to be brought up and I invited Merav and Gidi also to listen to music. So, we all gathered in my room and it is now 10 and all have left...dyanne left,
first, still not feeling well and then we had a really great time together. I love kids!! And we even did a Tarot reading for Gidi which was "right on target". He was amazed as I always am amazed to this day.

Talked a while longer about weddings, babies etc., listened to Simon and Garfunkle and all in all had a really nice evening.

Now I will read awhile...listening to Rikudei Am(Israeli Folk Dancing Music) ...and then off to sleep...have to be at reiki again tomorrow to see a Reiki II attunement and class but I would
really like to walk for awhile in the mountains...will see.

Friday... 1 PM...

Woke up this morning and it was COLD and nasty...and it began raining in the morning and is
still raining...this is the first time I've seen day time rain here.

Made reservations back to delhi and also to Udaipur...decided to go first calss...the tickets are
around 200 shekls ($50) but alone I'd rather have a private compartment at nite...magiah li!!

I have to go to reiki today but maybe it will stop by then. If not...I might not go...we are planning to go to Kabbalat Shabbat today and tomorrow at 7:30 is a classical Indian music conceert and on the 20th a classical dance concert so looks like a week of culture. I am feeling very tired now and don't really know why but I think I will just go to sleep and see how I feel when I get up

Woke up at 3 (missed Reiki) and went down to lunch with Merav and Gidi...Merav had a brilliant idea that she and gidi get married while here in Beit Chabad while here in India!...wanted my advice...had a real interesting discussion...he is really nervous...worried more about what his mother will say about the idea...so we discussed that as well...

We will meet soon to go to Kabbalat Shabbat and we will be spending Rosh Hashana together at Beit Chabad so it should be nice.

That's all for now...it has stopped raining and the sun is out which will make it nicer to be out this evening at least.

Sept 15th – Precious Time to Be Alone with My Thoughts

2006-09-29T18:30:00.000+03:30

The Loving Green of Nature and Being Rooted

Sitting on a rooftop restaurant up in Bhagsu waiting for lunch. I've spent too much time lately eating with other people...it's nice on the one hand but forces me out of my own thoughts and they are very precious to me now. I only have a few more weeks of this...should I cancel my plans for Rajastan...no-don't think so...I will continue with them...Shlomo is talking of meeting me there and it could be very nice...I hope he will understand my need to be alone as well as together...

Came up today to try and work some things out with Akilesh...very strange couple of days...something is definitely trying very hard to work itself out but I don't know what and can't seem to do it alone. we'll see if he can do anything for me.

I will then be at a Reiki II course and then a concert at 7:30...big day but so peaceful... I never feel rushed here but still can't seem to get away from my thoughts...now am having thoughts about checking out the possibility of living here...will speak to Kelly..maybe it is possible to rent a house for a year...don't know but would like to find out. Some of the houses tucked away among the trees caressing the mountain slopes look like heaven. Would like to see them inside.

I am surrounded here by nature and it is no wonder that green is the color of the heart chakra. G-d has chosen to make this the main color for all the beauty He has created and to show us his infinite love for all mankind. the peacefulness and strength of the trees, they truly do invite us to be like them "be rooted and at peace and then grow"

Where are my roots?? Perhaps not in any PLACE...perhaps that is part of what I am feeling...the need to be rooted in myself no matter where I am...to truly be one with the Universe and flow with its overview in peace and continue to grow within myself.

aside: I have been trying to make an appointment for an ayuverda massage almost since I've been here and never find them available. They are always giving massages and can't be disturbed. Now while waiting for lunch (their room is right across from the restaurant) came out and I simply grabbed a hold of her and made an appointment for tomorrow at 12 o'clock They have a type of massage that is supposed to open chakras and perhaps that will help also,,, and if nothing else, it is back to pure pampering like I had in Leh. And then I can make further appointments.

I've started eating mostly salads, steamed veggies and tofu the last couple of days...I really went overboard with all the good food here...especially the sweets Now I have ordered a fruit shake, veggies with mushrooms fried rice (brown rice) and steamed veggies with tofu. I still have so many "things" I want to do here...but it looks more like a journey within than without...and this seems to be the place for both types of journeys.. I need to get to the Tibetan library and the Temple where the Dalai Lama is, up to the other mountain for a "walk"..over to the Bahsu temple and waterfall,, for a ride on the "miniature" train through the valley...don't know what I will actually manage to do. I also will be at a meeting of the local newspaper which needs a proofreader for the october issue. That would be very nice to do I think and I would meet some local people which is important to me.

I just got my fruit drink, and it is not this stuff they run through the blender with milk and ice at home...it is fruit with pieces run through a fruit machine and the soft fruit is just cut up and mashed...it is really delicious...apples, bananas,mangoes and something else...maybe coconut ..don't know but is very good!

Remind me to write to you about the babies and backcarriers here one day...very interesting!

Sept 16th My First Classical Indian Music Concert

2006-09-29T18:18:00.000+03:30

Well, last nite, after finishing my reiki course, I met Dyanne and we went to a classical Indian Music concert. Flute, Sitar and Tabla (drums) It was wonderful...just closed my eyes and floated away.. the music just flowed through me and opened me up from inside...especially the Tabla! It was like a 2 1/2 hour musical meditation. We sat on the floor and people were sitting one on the other and my legs and behind were killing me but it didn't make a difference. Probably not any worse than sitting at a 3 hour opera in Ceasarea Old Roman Amphitheater on stone seats!.

We thought to take a Rickshaw home but when we got out at 10:30 they were all asleep...Luckily, I always carry my flashlight with me and so we walked home in the dark down the mountain. But how many stars!...it was a moonless nite and it was dark completely..Really unbelievable.

Got home really late. I haven't been out that late since I've been here. But was up bright and early this morning and for the first time used the "2 bucket" approach to showering. This worked OK and wasn't too bad. At least I'm keeping clean.

Then started a busy day. Had an ayuverda massage at 12 and straight from there to Reiki so had to eat a really big breakfast to keep me going but not too close to the massage. So at 10 I ate tea, tibetan bread and butter, 2 sunny eggs and a big vegetable salad. Then went up to my massage which was great. She also does healing with crystals. I have another appointment on Tuesday.

I went up to Reiki then and today was a new group of 4 very sweet young Israeli girls. I had to do my first Attunement and it went very well. I did 2 and he did 2. Very pleased with myself. Spoke with the girls for awhile and by then it was 7. Then spoke with Akhilesh for awhile longer...I am having some problems with him as my teacher and will have to think about continuing...will speak to him again on Tuesday...

Now I have just finished dinner and am going to take a"shower" and get all this oil off me from the massage.Tomorrow is Rosh Hashana, also want to do some shopping...need a days rest. Just prowl around tomorrow. . Well, got back to the guesthouse and found Ashish not there serving dinner...anyway, he felt bad later that I had to go out when I was so tired and apologized...talked for awhile with Kelly and then Ashish gave me a plate with homemade cakes on it...it was Himachal new years yesterday or something and a friend had brought him cakes from home. He made me tea and I took it all upstairs, took my shower and got all squeaky clean and then got into bed with a good book and my tea and cake...nice!

Sept. 17th Rosh Hashana at Beit Chabad

2006-09-29T18:10:00.000+03:30

Went to sleep quite late and got up this morning to a beautiful sunny day. Did some laundry, read, ate some breakfast and finally decided to go out "shopping" and was talking to Dyanne about this evening..Merav and Gidi went up to Beit Chabad to help set up and cook etc. And we will all meet around 4:30 to go up there.

Then I had lunch.. a pizza just as good as any I ever made at home without tons of cheese ..Then back to the room to get ready for Rosh Hashana. Checked out someplaces in rajastan with dyanne and that's pretty set. Just have to now make reservations.

Then dyanne and I went up to Beit chabad for erev chag. Didn't know what to expect and was pleasantly surprised. About 500 Israelis, 99% young (even was someone there from the TV...channel 3 or 2 filming) a tent had been set up outside and there were little tables (basically large footstools ) and everyone just crowded in wherever there was a space available on the straw mats. Men and women were separated for Tefilah (prayers) but afterwards everyone just moved around. I actually enjoyed the Tefila...reminded me of rabbi Kaminetsky in Gush Katif...and thought to go again tomorrow but forgot I have to be someplace so will go again on second day chag if I can. ...it was a mad house but a very peaceful, quiet and well organized and well run one at the same time. Kiddush, challah, apple and honey, pomegrantes, salad,rice, potato and some green vegetable in sauce, and fish and all this served to everyone with amazing proficiency and with no hassle or shouting or anything...I have never seen Israelis so well behaved!! Some singing and the rabbi gave a short 5 minutes speech in which he managed to explain among other things about the tragedy in the States. In the Kabbalah it says that the Moshiach will come in the seventh year (this year is shmitta) but right before he comes before that seventh year there will be a terrible tragedy or war. So he is now sure that the Moshiach is already here and will show his face sometime this year (in the personage of the Rebbe)

Anyway...I was particularly surprised to see how many religious (or former religious) girls were there. [couldn't see on the guys side] and you could tell by the way they prayed...it was very obvious. And very interesting that they are traveling in India. Food here basically is not a problem as 80% of the restaurants are pure vegetarian. Which is why I am also having such a good time eating here. I just found it interesting to see them. You can't spot them on the streets but it was obvious during the services who they were.

Alot of the kids commented about how they wish they were home now eating Mama's cooking and I had expected a wild bunch just pouncing on the food and then leaving...but they all seemed kind of mellow, pensive and subdued...it was really nice.. Kol Hakovod to chabad. Tomorrow I also have a busy day...I think if I had realized that I wanted to go back toBeit Chabad for tefila, I would have cancelled my plans...but hopefullyI will go on Wednesday to hear Tekiat Shofar.

Sept 19, 2001 Hints About the Story to Come and The Magic Of Music

2006-09-29T11:18:00.000+03:30

Where do the days go? Yesterday went by like a blur...quiet morning...massage especially for joint and skeletal problems...light lunch, reiki, long talk with akhilesh...all is well (well today which is the 21st, I know all is not well but will write in sequence to avoid confusion) He also decided he wants to adopt me as his mother..that's all I need...another son...another alon.. But then he took me out to dinner and ordered me a real Indian meal but NOT SPICY. It was delicious...called a Thali...it is like a personal smorgasbord... rice, dahl, mixed veggies and pickles with chapati...really delicious.

Didn't get home unitl after 9 and gidi and merav came up. She also wanted a tarot reading...it was very good for her! Out up early this morning...regular routine of meditation, reiki, pranayama, little yoga...shower dress and met dyanne's husband who arrived this morning after his 3 week trek from here to Leh!! Over the himalayas...what I did by jeep !

Thought to go up the mountain..it is a glorious sunny spring day...monsoon is over...but as I started up I felt a twinge in my knee and turned around...don't want to take any chances...so walked up an easy walk up a lower mountain to bhagsu and then decided to find the 3 girls from reiki. 2 were very distraught yesterday after the session (and only today I know why!!) and 1 got her period ...all results of the reiki bringing "things" out and wanted to see if they were OK.

To make a long story short, walked up into the hills to some way out guesthouse...had water thrown all over me"just for fun" and never did find them! But met Akilesh on the way down and told him I may not come today and he asked me please as I help him now with the class and he enjoys my help...anyway...said I didn't know...have a concert and dinner tonight at 7 and didn't need another long day. But I asked him to give the girls a message to come to my guesthouse tomorrow nite for tarot readings.

Then I went to look for the waterfall I've been hearing about...a nice short mountain walk and there it was...very nice! Nothing spectacular except for the fact that the whole way up the mountain are tons of people, mostly monks, bathing and doing their laundry!!

From there came down and did some e-mail...foundA letter from Shlomit who wrote that she thinks I'vehad "e nofe fan" and it's time to come home!!

Then on the way down from Bhagsu, saw a shop with great cotton pants and bought about 15 pairs! They were between 9-12 shekel a pair and really nice...and also 4 little purses for the girls.

Well, ate lunch , went up to the room to get something warmer for the evening and then went right back up to bhagsu...got to reiki just in time and they were all very happy to see me...(thought they love me so much...only now I know why they were so relieved to see me)...One of the girls didn't get her attunement yesterday,,, she was not ready...all closed up and tense (which I now know why also...[this is driving you all nuts isn't it!!! hehehehe] I suggested yesterday that she do some writing and she said she never writes...anyway, as soon as she saw me today she pulled out a notebook with about 20 pages of writing.! She said she started and just couldn't stop and then afterwards when she read it floodgates just opened and she hadn't felt this clean and light in her life (she is 27)

So, I gave her her attunement (at her request) today and amazing things happened to her.. she was so pleased as was Akhilesh...she cried and laughed, saw colors, expanded outward, went deep inside and even had a small Kundalini awakening...she was really ready today...her whole body and facial expressions changed since yesterday.. she was like glowing! Just beautiful.

I invited all the girls to dinner tomorrow evening and then up to "my place" so we will meet tomorrow at 7 which means I won't get to the dance concert but this is more important...they want to talk to me (little did I realize just HOW important it was)

Then I left and came straight back down to Mcleod to meet Merav, Gidi, Dyanne and Yossi for dinner and then a music concert. Well, it is now 11 and it was the perfect end to a very long but most beautiful and rewarding day.

The tabla and sitar were even betterthan the first time. They are instruments which, if you let them, simply take care 0f all the chakras together. The tabla ranges from root chakra to solar plexus in tones and beats and frequency and the sitar perfectly matches in range from the heart up to the crown chakra. The music had me floating outside of myself for almost a full hour and although I almost fell asleep at dinner, I am now full of vitality and energy...amazing what music can do.

Tomorrow morning a lady is coming to interview me...she is doing some study in Israel about israelis who travel in India and was looking for an "old lady"and she was sent to me. Guess I'm the oldest lady inMcleod area.

Sept 20-22 The Whole Nasty Story Exposed…Part I

2006-09-28T22:52:00.000+03:30

Will try and write about yesterday but it will be difficult...

Started the day with the interview which was very nice. This girl named Darya is studying Anthropology in Israel and her thesis is something about Israelis traveling in India. She came equipped with a video camera and set it up by my room and then just got me talking, talking, talking...

She also works for 101FM in Jerusalem and has aprogram on Monday nites from 12 to 2 in the morning. Very sweet girl. We had a real nice morning.

Then I went down and found out about the tickets and did some errands and came back to sleep for an hour before going down to a meeting of the local newspaper. Met an American named Joe who has been living here for 6 years and edits this newspaper. Seems like an old"flower child" but was quite nice if a little weird. Another volunteer also showed up named Richard from England who runs a newspaper and also has a computer company. He will be helping the 5 paid staff with the actual set-up and I will be doing the proofreading for the October issue. Will start "working" Monday morning at around 9:30.

Went back up to the room for awhile and then at 7 went to meet "the girls" . I was really pleased to see them and thought we were just out for a evening of fun. We ordered our food and then one of them started talking very quietly to me about what she was wanting to ask for my advice about for 3 days. It seems Akhilesh, the Reiki instructor made "improper advances"towards her. I won't go into the whole story but one of the other girls heard part of conversation and said "what, you too??” By this time I was ready to explode since what I didn't write earlier to all for all of you to see was that he started with ME as well.(the guy is 36 years old!!!)

I convinced myself, or let myself believe his explanation that it was the first time he had ever done something like that and he would NEVER do such a thing to a young vulnerable girl and jeopardize his livelihood and reputation of 7 years here by doing something so inappropriate and plain stupid. (he is an EXCELLENT yoga and reiki instructor and so much to offer that it is really horrible that such talent should be tainted in this way!!) that’s what my previous 2 long conversations with him were all about...

I cannot tell you how I began to churn inside...I sat with the girls for a few hours and we just talked andI realized that I am the one to take proper care of this guy. He fooled with the wrong person. I am now trying to figure out the best way to deal with him and make sure he NEVER does something like this again. Those poor girls were really traumatized as probably were all those who came before them and also came and went without telling a soul about what happened. The violation is even worse since it came via a "spiritual teacher" and not just some regular teacher...These 3 were at least smart enough to stop him before anything more serious happened but I'm sure not all of those he tried with were that lucky.

I first thought to confront him but am now looking for a more official channel to do this. Lonely planet,Lametayel in Israel, local newspaper here, notices also on the bulletin boards (in Hebrew since most of his clients are Israeli anyway ) but am still checking with local people about the best way to do this.

I am now after a nice massage and in the middle of an arthritis attack.. not too bad but not real good either. I met a new "old" lady this morning...named Esti from Jerusalem. This is her 8th trip to India. So we also talked for awhile and gidi and merav left this morning and will be going home soon.

Now waiting for lunch and then I have another reiki class to help with and have to now act as if all is regular and normal...hope I can do it...I will use him for now to get my certificate and THEN I will do him in!!

September 22nd. - 5 PM Went to Reiki yesterday and spoke to him and will be finishing up shortly. Apparently he was stalling as having me as his assistant for the last couple of weeks had made his life simpler. I did I lot for him in the courses...

I have done alot of thinking and discussed this with a couple of locals and the final decision I think is to let people know via local notices, letter to the newspaper and also to LP and Lametayel that there is a great yoga and Reiki teacher here but forewarn them about what could happen. That way each person makes his or her own informed decision.

I came back last nite and Esti was waiting for me and she and Dyanne after meeting, started talking about Darjeleeng and Sikkim and it sounded so perfect! for the remainder of my trip, that I've decided to go there after Rajastan. The south will have to wait.

Spoke with Kelly (the american living here for 3 years) this morning and he will start taking me to meet locals and find housing should I come back and then gave a reiki treatment to Dafna (one of thetraumatized girls) and we went out to eat. Nice girl.Will do 2 more treatments for her..hope it helps.

Had a fairly peaceful day for the rest of the day. It is now 8:30 and finishing up here before going to dinner. Tomorrow I hope to get back up into the mountains after I treat Dafna...I miss my walks. Hope my knee and hip will be better this time.

Sept 22-25, 2001-Just Stuff about Stuff

2006-09-28T19:19:00.000+03:30

The last 3 days also went by with much pleasant activity...I gave 2 more treatments to Dafna...today more healing than Reiki, yesterday we also ate lunch together...would like to fix her up with Alon..very sweet and I will miss her. Dyanne is also leaving tomorrow but new people keep popping in and out. really nice.

I also worked at the newspaper today and proofread 7 articles. Wed they will have a couple more for me to work on.

This afternoon I went up to the Temple with Dyanne...very unpretentious, unassuming (this is something like Jews waiting for the temple to be rebuilt...they are always thinking of their temple in Llasa and don't want anything else in place of it hence the simplicity of this temple in exile)...heard some monks chanting, sat and relaxed awhile and just kind of took in the energy of the place. Hopefully the Dalai Lama will have an audience before I leave

On the way back, we saw an “Israeli Restaurant" and we went up. We had salad, hoummous and techina and pita and it was the best hoummous and tehina I've eaten in a long time...not just because I am in India...it was comparable to the best hoummous you get in a really good arab restaurant! It was a real treat! didn't imagine I would miss hoummous but I did!

Oh, forgot, yesterday I saw "Shrek" and except for the part where I cried, I didn't stop smiling or laughing out loud through the whole picture...there were some monks in there (this monk business is really funny...one day I will write about it)..you should have heard them cracking up! Eddie Murphy is fantastic!

Tomorrow there is a classical Indian Dance concert I hope to see.

Still don't know what will be with Reiki and my certificate I will be checking out long-term guesthouses for next year. Dafna insisted on paying me for her treatments and aside from taking me to lunch 2 times which I thought was her payment and which is why I let her do it, she also gave me 1,000 rupees which is alot forIndia. I think I could really make some nice money here teaching and treating.

I still have 2 weeks here but really am getting sad about having to leave. Maybe I'll still have time to come back. Very confused about what to do about my plane ticket...see if I get some answers soon. Put together all my shopping so far and it is TONS of stuff! Don’t know what to do with it. Maybe I'll ask Shlomo to take it home for me if he comes. so far it seems like he is...I think it will be mostly nice but I'm a little nervous about having someone in the roomwith me all the time.. Like this privacy of mine and with no TV etc..and my time all for me. Hope that when I get home I will still have time for me.

Yesterday was funny...I got the urge to dance and did it up on the penthouse roof for 1 hour. First time I missed dancing. It was fun dancing!!

My days have taken on a whole new character..spiritual work in the morning, reading alot during the day, lots and lots of walking...music all day, yoga in the afternoon, lots of quiet time...sometimes talking with people , sometimes just being alone. Lots of learning about me..I seem to attract very special types ofpeople to me and it is very pleasant to know that these are the vibrations I am giving off. Lots of young people seem drawn to me and I so enjoy being with them. They seem to think I am very "wise" and very special that I am here at all! I guess I am!!!

Also things here are very different in my perception than they were. I have 2 beggar "friends", lots of people already know me and smile at me in the streets, I walk next to and around cows (and whatever they leave behind them) without thinking twice about it, the monkeys are no different than dogs these days.

but the beauty of the mountains and trees and nature here is something you stay amazed at. It never gets to be “everyday" It is breathtaking all day, everyday. Can't see enough of it. and it is all around me no matter where I look. I still hope to get back up into the mountains to walk some more if my knee will let me.

So many things are no longer important to me...eyebrows, makeup, shaved legs, all seem like relics of a past life...hope I never feel the need to go back to these things but don't know what will happen when I leave here. How much will I change back when I get home? I must carry out my plans to come back here. This is what I need for me.

Sept. 25th.. 12:30 Just spoke to Joe...The newspaper editor...after checking out long term rentals...spoke to him about Akilesh and he told me he is well know here and was recently removed from the newspaper listings for that very reason. But no one did anything more about it. He says it could be uncomfortable to get involved especially since I think of coming back, but he suggested talking to the local "godfather" and he told me even how to find him. Think I'll do it!! He also told me where I can find some really nice apartments for long term...will see tomorrow (I checked them out today (today is wednesday-the next day) and they really are nice but in a veryinaccessible location so don’t' think they will serve mypurposes)

Today I am going up to Akilesh and hopefully willfinish...need to get this over with...want to end it in a way that I will feel comfortable with myself and my actions.

8 PM Well, GOT MY CERTIFICATE! Did a Reiki II initiation, answered all the right questions during the class, met 2 more really nice people and am now a Reiki Master.. Will still do this again I think with Daniella but for now I can start teaching. Will make up workbooks inHebrew and English, prepare certificates and get on with it. Too bad all this happened. He really should have been a good friend!! As I left today I looked him straight in the eye and said to him "Please be a good boy!" He looked all flustered but then gain his composure and said “Yes Mother...I will try and take your warning" Don’t know what he meant or what he understood about Iwill now do whatever I feel I have too. There were other people there so couldn't get any deeper into conversation with him which is probably for the best.

Sept 27, 2001 Holy Swami’s and the Godfather

2006-09-28T17:58:00.000+03:30

Well, a little out of order but have to tell you about yesterday.

What a long and beautiful and rewarding day!

Started at 9 AM at the newspaper and when I got there they were all eating breakfast and didn't think anything unusual about the fact that a volunteer had come to help them and she was just sitting and waiting for them to finish leisurely eating breakfast before bothering to turn on the computer and see what had to be done. So I patiently waited, reading a book, finished up the rest of the proofreading and headed on my way.

Up to bhagsu to make an appointment for my back. Something has happened to my lower back which is one of the few places on my body that I never have any trouble. And it is not getting any better. The massage therapist wasn't sure what was wrong but made an appointment for2:30.

then looked for the Godfather but he was not there...they told me to come back in the afternoon. Down again to McLeod, met the new lady who is staying in the room next door to me...something doesn't sit right about her...wrong energies or chemistry...don't know.. Then back up to Bhagsu, massage, which actually initially made my back feel more relaxed and less stiff but this morning woke up with the same stiffness there. Can hardly bend, can't lift my leg to put it into my pants etc. So yesterday she suggested a guy who does healing and I made an appointment for today at 3:30...maybe he can help. I know acupuncture would help but am not letting anybody put needles into me here in India.

Then, on my way down the hill home, a guy stopped me and asked if I am still looking for "Onkar" but I thought he was bugging me and asking me if I was looking for my "own car" and had no idea what he wanted from me. Finally I realized he was telling me that "Zonkar" (the godfather) was there. So I went over to meet this man.

He was sitting in all his glory with men around him overlooking the street at a table and chairs, outdoors. If I had to typecast someone to play him in a movie I would need across between a 50 something year old Al Pacino and Robert De Niro with 3 day beard put together. He looked like a real gangster but seemed very pleased to listen to me. Asked if we could talk in private and he took me into his office. Told him the story not completely sure if he actually understood me. Then he asked me to come back outside. He apparently likes to sit out there and hold court where everyone can go by and Namaste him etc .

I asked if he could think of something to do and he said "no problem..leave it to me...I will take care of it". I asked to not be involved as I plan to come back and don't want any enemies or hard feelings and he said"If anyone causes you any trouble, just come and see me!!" Anyway, in the end...with his broken English I understood that he is highly intelligent and very deep and he understood all the ramifications of this problem. He said, there are alot of "holy swami"people (he held his hands up in a prayer position in front of his chest to show this holiness) walking around here who appear to be pure and clean on the outside but are very bad and rotten on the inside (at which point he pointed to both his head and his heart and somewhat lower)....he understood EXACTLY what the problem was. Anyway...it is now in his hands and he said he will deal with it immediately...not to worry...and when I am ready to come back...just come see him and he will help me any way he can! And I believe him.

He called over some English girl who lives there for me to meet and when she heard the story she was very pleased I had finally said something. She has heard these stories before not just about him but many others here. Very sad. So I left feeling very good, knowing that I had done my best in a foreign place to help right a wrong and hope something will come of it. He actually said that if he doesn’t' stop this, he can even have him jailed but he will try first by just reasoning with him...

Then back to my room to "shower" off all the ayuverda oils, dinner, met Kelly on the street and so we strolled back together to the guesthouse and had a long talk. He was very pleased also to hear I had taken a definite action to try and do something and also thought I had done it the best way possible for a foreigner and that it might even help. It was a big decision making day for me and I feel"clean" and at peace and haven't felt that the last week or so.

I know some of you have written and told me it will not be possible to get back here in such a short period of time but I know that if that is what I really decide, it will happen. I've checked out all my options, Kelly will give me advice about what to bring and how to send stuff here I may need for a few month stay, I've got the godfather on my side, so what could go wrong? Now it all depends on what theUniverse has in store for me...but I think this is something that will happen and not later than April.

Sept 29, 2001Frailty of the Physical Body and the Need to Go Home?

2006-09-28T17:27:00.000+03:30

It is actually now Sunday and had an amazing morning but that will have to wait...
don't want to write out of order, but will tell you all that tomorrow the Dalai Lama
is having a public audience and I heard about it real real early this morning and got
there before the crowds...I am number 21 on line tomorrow to meet him!! Quite
excited...have no idea what will happen or what to do when I meet him but the whole
thing takes only a minute or two but many say it isvery powerful and moving...will let
you all know!

Back to yesterday:

Can't believe it! Dyanne...the fit and hearty lady-just called to tell me she is going home...her back went out and she said only this guy, ronen harariin Maagan Michail can take care
of it!! She said she'll be back but it is very frightening how fragile and unpredictable and unreliable the human physical body can be. She was just at the beginning of a year of traveling...hope she can continue once she feels better.

My back is getting worse every day...will write today to everyone I know who may
have suggestions...I would do acupuncture but no one here is putting needles into my
body. If I could find a chiropractor it would be good also but so far no one knows of
anyone. There isnothing I haven't tried yet...Reiki, Reiki to the past to find ""deep seated"emotional problems which may be arising now with all this inward introsepction
I am doing, healing, massages, exercise, chinese oil, reflexology, you name it...nothing
is helping (you all know already the end of this story) So far it is not keeping me from
doing what I want, except mountain walks, but it is very annoying and of course worries
me since I want to be free to completely enjoy myself here. Right now I am not traveling
or "shlepping"but in 10 days I will be back to that and that may be a problem...hope to find a solution before then

7:30 the same evening

Well, already wrote about seeing Sibi the ayuverda guy and Nicky sending Reiki.
I just finished seeing Akilesh again...asked to talk to me as his mother and friend...
says he has no friends here and needed advice. He's been having upper back problems and nothing helped...his friend who does Shiatsu told him it was because something is bothering
him that he keeps inside and he must let it out. so he didn't come right out and say it to
me but he basically knew that I knew about the other girls and asked if I will still be his
friend and that things will be OK from now on...Gave him another lecture...never admitted
that I reported him and he still thinks the other thing"is due to local politics, but he
apparently was shaken up enough to maybe, maybe try and change his ways.

While I was there I had always promised to show him pictures of my family but
never really felt like sharing anything private with him since that incident, but today he insisted...So I showed him the album, and aside form commenting over and over again
about what abeautiful family I have, how my parents look so healthy and vital, how my children and grandchildren are so beautiful etc., he said something very surprising and
very insightful "Now I know what your smile and face look like when you are REALLY happy!!..you are algow with happiness in these pictures...you realize that you will have
to go home soon...this is a very brave act you made by coming away for yourself...but
you will truly be happy again when you get home""
Sooooooooo.........

My Role as Mother...and Thoughts on Beggars

2006-09-28T13:32:00.000+03:30

MY ROLE AS “MOTHER”
Keep having these dreams and impressions about my role in life being a Mother. I remember even as a little girl (even though I didn't play with dolls...I was too much of a tomboy) I always imagined myself being a Mother "when I grow up". Of course, I always saw myself with lots of sons to play ball with and stuff but I only recently realized that all my daughters were God's way of putting me more in touch with my feminine side. I remember myself baby sitting, always taking care of babies and children, and even when I was all grown up, already a Mother still playing Mother to other mothers. As La Leche League always says "mothering the mother".

And the truth is, no matter what I do I become a mother figure to people. Even when I worked in MCP or MTRE,I was "the official Mother" at MTRE, with all the young kids, that's what I felt like and liked the role. And wherever I go, people seem to be attracted to me as a mother for there particular immediate needs. (I even got an e-mail today from Akilesh who addressed it "dear mom Jane"!!).

I see it even when I work with people at home with healing, bach flowers, Breastfeeding counseling, whatever, I fall into the role of wise Mother. Even here in India, most of the people I meet see me as Mother.

so, I've come to the conclusion that is the more specific role of my general life purpose of helping people. It is to help from the perspective of, or in the role of, gentle, loving , compassionate and unconditional loving Mother. And I like this idea! It has brought further clarity to my understanding myself and my purpose and direction. Even MY Mother has placed me in the role of "Mother" the last couple of years!!

BEGGARS

I had been having a lot of trouble with the beggar issue to ignore them and contribute a lump sum to some school or something before leaving. But on the street I felt horrible inside and so I finally decided to follow my heart and I've been giving 10 rupees toevery "honest" beggar I see. For me it is no money and I feel whole with myself now and know I am doing the right thing. I have my 2 special friends who I sit and "talk" with every so often and had our picture taken as well. They are really nice people who have been given a raw deal in life (they are lepers as aremost of the beggars in this town).and if I can make it a little easier for them, and many others here, why not! It could be in a big city like Delhi this approach is impossible, but here it is fine. To see their smiles each day and to hear their "good morning" when I pass...even on days when they know I am not giving anything, gives me great happiness and peace of mind.

Sept. 30, 2001- Funniest Journey of My Life! Shared Jeep to Dharamsala

2006-09-28T13:31:00.000+03:30

September 30th

I went down to Dharamsala to get the medicine for my back and was told the easiest way was in a shared jeep.

OK! Come to the jeep stand, saw one getting ready to leave but it seemed full already. But the driver told me to sit in the front seat...this seat, aside from the driver, is meant for 2 other people. There was already a big, broad guy sitting there taking up 1 1/2 seats so I sat down next to him assuming the jeep would take off since the last two rows were already filled up. The second one with 3 people and the back with 4 people.

Then another lady came and she told me move over(!)since 3 people are supposed to sit next to the driver. The other guy and me looked at each other in disbelief (he was also Israeli) but all the locals said “Yes, yes, 3 in front seat always". She was about twice my girth and started to squeeze her way in. The guy moved closer to the driver but the stick shift stopped his further moving. So the driver explained that he has to sit with the stick shift BETWEEN his legs and when he asked the driver how he would shift, he showed him by shoving his hand right between the poor guy's legs!!

So I moved over as far as humanly possible but this lady couldn't squeeze her behind in so she told me to stand up for a second (we were laughing by this time...it reminded me of the circus car where 20 clowns get out)...and so I lifted myself up towards the windshield and she settled her posterior into the seat leaving me enough room for about one "bum". I wriggled and jiggled until I forced myself back on the seat but it was really ridiculous. No way could we travel like that. All of a sudden a passenger from the back seat...a skinny man like me, after watching this whole act, comes forward and tells the lady to go in the back and he will sit there. So she got out, he sat 1/2 way on the seat leaning forward and it was now like taking all the animals out of the house...it seemed like there was tons of room to sit!

I was sure we would then head off as there was not a drop of room for anything else but the driver says we have to wait for one more person. I couldn't imagine where he would be "put" since this fat lady was already suffocating 2 other ladies on the seat behind. When all of a sudden a young Chabadnik (Hasid in black clothes and hat) comes running along, Tzitzit (prayer fringes attached to shirt like garment worn under regular shirt) flying, holding onto his hat and goes directly to the back door and plunks himself down 1/2 on the fat ladies lap. Slides the door closed and that's the way we left. He was half sitting on the lady and all hunched together in order to close thedoor...it was really really funny.!

Coming home I took a bus !!

Oct. 1, 2001- Meeting HH the Dalai Lama...and Pizza!

2006-09-28T13:30:00.000+03:30

12:30 AM

Got up this morning, and darya came to meet me to go off together to the Dalai Lama, ate breakfast together in my room, checked train tickets, stopped to check the newspaper office and down to the temple.

It was all surprisingly quiet and orderly. We lined up according to our number...we were 21 and 22, were frisked and then went up to wait in a courtyard for about 45 minutes. We were luckily in the shade and it was not too bad.

Sat on the floor finally and then they ushered the whole crowd of hundreds of peopleinto a single file line and we all walked passed His Holiness, shook hands, got a red string from a monk and left.

Now this all sounds very undramatic and banal and I don't know how other people felt, but I personally had a strange experience after seeing him and shaking hands. My whole body started to tingle with electric energy and I had an overwhelming urge to cry followed by a sudden wave of calm which enveloped me and I smiled broadly. The tingling in my body lasted about 5 minutes but for more than 1/2 hour I had enormous heat and energy surging and accumulating in my hands, which had turned red and it was quite uncomfortable, as if I had to plunge them in coldwater. The heat eventually dissipated and life got back to "normal".

Went to lunch and today met 3 new people, Guy, Sigal and Rani, won't go into details now, maybe tomorrow...but all 3 are in their 30's and have interesting stories. Now this evening, they decided to go to this very famous Pizzeria out in the middle of nowhere and I decided to join them. Again, no details now, I am too tired, but it was a fantastic adventure and again, I played the Mother role...all in all, I walked over 2 hours through pitch black mountains with no roads or even path, using a flashlite most of the way to eat Pizza!! more tomorrow.

Can't believe I have to leave here in a week!! Met 2 Australians today who left yesterday, got to the train station in Panthankot like I will be doing next week...and just before the train pulled out, they got off, forfeited their tickets and came back here for another week. This place has magnetic energy which doesn't release you! It is really going to be hard for me to leave. I feel like I don't need anything else in life but this room...even without a shower to be content...at least I know I will be back.

IMPRESSIONS AND OBSERVATIONS FROM INDIA

2006-09-27T23:39:00.000+03:30

Children, Garbage, Beggars, Packages, Interesting Jobs and Restaurants

1. Men here are sooooooo comfortable with children and babies it is beautiful to see
...maybe it is just here where they are mostly Tibetans, but it is so beautiful to walk through the streets and see men playing with babies and children...if a child cries, you will see men just as naturally as women run to pick it up and comfort it. Children are so loved here it is a pleasure to walk through the streets and see and feel the love for them. Like now, a woman is sitting using a computer here and the owner of the shop is sitting and playing with her baby for her...and now the baby is crying and so another man just approached to assist him...no panic, no running back
to mommy with him, really nice...and this is not a baby they know, just the baby of a customer...OK, mommy now has finished and taken him back...

2. Garbage collection! -
One day, starting early in the morning I heard every few minutes a loudspeaker announcing something from the streets below and finally asked the guy here what they were saying...maybe the area was being attached from Kashmir or it was an earthquake warning...you never know!! He told me it is garbage collection... they yell to the houses that they are passing through and
to come and dump your garbage...OK so far...a couple of days later I was sitting and waiting for the whole newspaper staff to finish breakfast so I could start working and they work out of a local restaurant and were also eating together with 4 women who work there...when the loudspeaker started outside...all of a sudden, all 7 people jump up from eating (remember, they didn't even move to turn on the computer for me while they were eating) and each ran in a different direction, laughing and giggling, and grabbed garbage from all different corners, ran down to the street, dumped it and came very casually back upstairs, all washed their hands and relaxed back to breakfast as if nothing had happened. Later that day in the street I saw the same thing over and over again as the truck passed, and people from all over , the street, shops,
upstairs apartments, ran down to throw their garbage into the truck!

3. Ordering in Restaurants.
When you go into most restaurants here (except the really really fancy ones and even some of those) you are handed a menu (or you take it yourself off the rack) plus a pencil and piece of scrap paper. Each person writes his own order and the kitchen guys just come around and pick them up making sure they are readable. When you are ready to pay, you find the order you wrote and just show it to the cashier who then tells you how much it cost.

4. Beggars can be very friendly people.
There are my two friends...man and woman, lepers, who I pass everyday at least 2 times a day. They sit on this spot together and are always happy and smiling...say "good day" every time they see me...money or not... they joke and fool around with each other all day. I wouldn't be surprised if they go :"home" together at the end of the work day. One day, they were sitting
and laughing as usual when a whole bunch of monkeys filled a tree above them. The guy picked up his umbrella and started to "shoot" them out of the trees. The lady thought this was so funny she couldn't stop laughing. Next day I went by and asked how many monkeys he killed today and the two of them cracked up again. How they can even think of smiling I don't know, but they have certainly found the way to happiness without pleasure...and true happiness brings pleasure by itself.!

4. SENDING PACKAGES:

Shlepp to the special guy who gets the packages ready for mailing since you could never do it yourself. I had 10 KILO to carry down so it took me 2 trips.

1. fill out forms in triplicate but there is no carbon paper!

2. Guy puts stuff in box and then sews a special muslim "bag" around it, sews it up and then seals it with special red sealing wax which he drips on with a lighted candle and seals with his spit!! Without this special wax the post office will not accept the package. He even admitted it was a "little" primitive but "this is the only way the PO accepts package" Takes about 1/2 hour.

3. Then address the package, pay him and it's on it's way. Come back tomorrow to get receipt.

4. Now this all sounds simple but it took 2 1/2 hours of my morning to complete the process. Sent by air mail it takes about 2-3 weeks to arrive. I have to still send another package of books. Still easier then doing it in Delhi where you have to do all the running yourself from PO to show original package and have its contents approved to fill in the forms, then go to tailor to make the bag and back to PO (all the time shlepping the package with you from place to place) to seal and address and each time you have to wait on line., The guy here makes a living doing this and has been at it here for 6 years. And he only charges 60 rupees for the service!

5. Earning a living..
Tibetans work hard to provide for their families. Spoke to a couple of women merchants - most of the shops are run by women...seems that many of them pack up their entire stock and take
it by train all the way down south for the 3 winter months when there are no tourist here and open shop down south. When I asked if is not hard for the children to change schools each year in the middle of the year, they explained that the families (husband and wife together) that go south, leave their children who are cared for by neighbors during those months. It seems to them the most natural thing and it is very common here.

Then there is the little girl who puts on a full circus acrobat and high wire act on the street corners.. her mother (not father who is also there but his big job is to beat a drum) drives stakes into holes in the street and puts up this temporary high wire and then while daddy is beating a drum she bangs on the back of a metal bowl while breastfeeding the younger child and this little girl (about 6-7) goes through her act...quite well done and scary if she should fall on the pavement below. And then they pass around a plate...I've seen them in 3 different locations since I've been here. It seems like a horrible thing to make a little girl do but I guess it is better than those who shlep their babies around, dirty, starving all day on their hips, begging for
money!! At least this family was clean, well fed and had some semblance of pride and a normal life.

Oct. 2-3, 2001-Children Here are Surrounded with Love and Acceptance-and the Monkeys Were at it Again

2006-09-27T23:23:00.000+03:30

Well, it is actually October 3rd but I am writing up a letter about yesterday...first I thought I wouldn't doit since I have no desire to do anything right now...just heard the news about Aley Sinai (the settlement one of my daughters lives in). The place was attacked by terrorists last evening (my mother already wrote to let me know they are OK) and many people were injured and 2 people killed. My daughter's best friend and neighbor and her husband were injured and are in hospital. I am really feeling depressed that I am so far away at this time but will call them soon... wish I could talk to them...this is hard.

But since the letter is already written and I have just have to copy it...have decided to stay up to dat ewith my letter writing so here it is...

October 2nd
How I wish this was just the beginning of my stay here! Been meeting lots of local foreigners who live here and it is really a nice community. Today I have to put together a package to send off. Decided not to buy any crystals here. Will do it at home or next time I come or maybe just get some colored ones regardless of type and see...need to learn more first about them.

Next met this Dutch lady (who lives all the way up in the mountain - I will be going up on Sunday to visit her with Kelly...he says it is an easy 1 hour walk!)and met her together with Kelly for lunch and he arranged a surprise for her. A girl who left here pregnant 2 "seasons" ago came back today with her 1 year old 1/2 Tibetan daughter (she's Swiss) and they came in and surprised her in the restaurent. You should have seen the tears. These people have all been here for around 10 years. They finally convinced me to hike up to visit her so on Sunday Kelly will take me
I will not go up the mountain again today as it is overcast and looks like it may rain. Tomorrow I MUST do it (I DID it and will write later about the hike!) This girl with the baby says in Switzerland no problem to give the baby hep. A and B and thypoid shots at one year old and baby looks fine to me.

Today I really saw the community way babies are loved here. In the restaurant everyone there watched and played with this little girl-already walking-and since she is used to this she was happy with all the attention...and men, young and old were just as involved, if not more so, than other women. it is absolutely a beautiful way for a child to grow up so surrounded with acceptance and love. It reminded me of Shaked (my granddaughter) running around in a restaurant we all came to following my son's Shai's"tekes" (swearing in ceremony for the Army) but there she was sort of "in the way" and not really accepted and if she had done the same thing here in THIS restaurant-everyone would have considered her the highlight of their day and smiled and laughed and picked her up and played with her... What a difference in approach..no wonder all these people are so calm and relaxed despite their difficult lives and the children always smiling. Come to think of it, I've neverheard a child cry or whine or a parent shout or scold here.

4 PM..The funniest thing just happen.. Was sitting out on the terrace as I do most afternoons just reading and eating fruit and almonds and pistachios when a monkey came right up to me and like some of the beggars in the street stuck his hand out as if demanding he be given something. I shooed him away when all of asudden I realized that they were all around, up on top of the roof etc, So I got up to take the stuff inside and they kept watching as if waiting for something to drop and slowly closing in on me. I was really scared...but I'm in the room now and all is well!.. Now one just tried getting into my barred window!! what chutzpah!!

Well, that's the letter for today...I wanted to write about my hike...that was my intention in coming down to the e-mail...but need to absorb the news about Aley Sinai right now...
Hopefully will write tomorrow about this most exhilierating feeling of having dispelled a long held myth I believed about myself.

Oct. 3, 2001 Aley Sinai Terrorist Attack / Dispelling a Myth

2006-09-27T14:53:00.000+03:30

Well, it is difficult to write to day, the day after and after many e-mails and phone calls home I have decided not to make a decision about coming yet for the next few days.

But it has been one of the most trying experiences of my life...being here, so far away, and not being even able to hug and hold my daughter in my arms, is more difficult for me ...it is almost a physical pain, this emptiness I am feeling...I should be there but of course I am not...there is no way I CAN be there right now and the decision to come home or not will be based on what happens to my daughter and her family over the next few days.

While roaming around in a complete daze yesterday, I had many mixed feelings about the situation and kept wondering if I could continue enjoying myself here without feeling guilty...I turned to God for help in find answers and also in helping me get over this confusion and inability to think...what difference would my presence there actually make in their situation right now...and I could not get there for a few days anyway...real confusion reigned and a feeling of total helplessness...anyway, while walking aimlessly through the streets, my name is called and a woman who I had met in Leh, the mother of Shlomit's friend Naama, came up to me. They had just arrived here and even funnier, by chance were staying in the same guest house as I am.

We spoke for a long time, then I also went up to speak with Kelly, my American friend, and some other people I know here, and what I learned is that even here, so far from home, there are people who care about me and spent the whole afternoon and evening helping me get through this really difficult day.

In the evening I spoke to Shira again, and now am more relaxed as she said they are going home...the kids really wanted to get back home which I guess is a good sign, and probably getting back to "normal" is the best thing to do. After the miracle of their leaving the living room for no reason just seconds before it was splayed with bullets, is something I think they have not as yet absorbed, but hopefully, by going home and being with their neighbors and friends there and in their own environment, the trauma will be eased. Hopefully professionals will also be available to help the families cope with the situation.

I just read the Jerusalem Post and the following quote was there!

"Shira Avni left with her three children to stay with her sister in Kfar Pines. "Shots were fired at our house and my husband immediately notified the security forces," she said. "Our next door neighbors, Sarita and Dror Maoz, were wounded - the terrorists sprayed their home with gunfire. At the time their three children were sleeping. I hid in the room with my children as my husband joined the security forces," she said.

"Because the government has always treated the community as temporary, suggesting that if an agreement is reached it will be dismantled, our requests to erect a fence were never taken seriously," she added. "It all comes down to politics." ""

Very strange to see her name written in print and to feel from the article that she is calm and collected, but I know that is not the case from talking to her on the phone. I hope she will get over this and get back to some semblance of a normal, fear free life. I wonder if they will continue living there? This is not the first time there have been problems there but it is certainly the worst of all previous incidence.

As for myself, finding myself so helpless as a Mother is almost devastating to me, but on the other hand, knowing that so many people both at home and here are around to help me get over this, gives me a very warm feeling. Maybe this is His way of preparing me for being away from home for a longer period of time and showing me that life goes on with or without me.

I cannot say that I am really happy today, but I am alot calmer and less confused than I was yesterday and I guess that's the best I can expect at the moment. I wanted to write about the walk I had yesterday up into the mountains but it seems so trivial now. It was something which dispelled a myth about myself that I had believed since I was a little girl and at some point became an actual walking meditation bringing up all kinds of images in recall from my very early childhood. I had always believed, and did so up until yesterday, that I could not walk or hike etc. like most people since for some reason my constitution would not allow it.

Well I found out differently yesterday after walking for 3 hours up and down the mountain, /....hopefully I will write more about my feelings but right now, as I said, it mostly seems trivial even though I had, before checking the e-mail yesterday, the most exhilarating feeling I've had in more years than I can remember. It has kind of been overshadowed by what followed, but not wiped out...the feeling is still smoldering somewhere inside and Iimagine will re-surface to be experienced to the fullest at some later date and then I will write about it more fully.

Oct 4-5 Insights and Empowering Experiences, God and Nature

2006-09-27T13:01:00.000+03:30

Today is October 5th, 2001 but yesterday the weirdest thing happened to me...I wrote a very long letter which first of all thanked all of you who took the time and energy to either call or write to me during the last few really rough days here...I love you and really appreciate your efforts. But I also wrote many deep "inside" thoughts and wrote and wrote and wrote and when I tried sending it, the whole thing disappeared...this has never happened to be before...I always do copy before I send and so if something happens the letter is still there..but thistime, someone else's letter came up on the screen...really weird.

So I wrote again, not quite so in depth and still refused to be sent...so I came to the conclusion that those thoughts were not meant to be put down on paper, but rather savored within and staying within just for me to experience.

I am first amazed at the resiliency of the human spirit. From feeling guilty about feeling happy – to exhilaration at dispelling a lifetime myth about myself, all within the same day. Life does go on and that is the beautiful part about living it to the fullest!

In spite of crises and difficulties with coping with a situation, life goes on and the beauty of discoveries about ourselves and our inner strengths carry us through.

Perhaps this inner awakening occurred simultaneously in me precisely on the same day as hearing about the terrorist attack on my daughter’s house almost as the Universe’s way of getting me through the last couple of days OR - as a RESULT of my getting through the last couple of days!! Don't know which! Whichever-it has been an incredibly rewarding experience for me and I will never be the same as I was.

No matter what I do when I get back to "normal"-normal will never be the same for me as it was just 2 months ago.

The revelations of my childhood memories during my first long walk made me realize that many things we believe about ourselves and allow life's experiences to reinforce for us over the years with our owninterpretations, we are erroneously basing on false perceptions of ourselves as children and adults. This creates modes of behavior and beliefs which stifle our very physical being for as much as 1/2 a century of our lives!! To be finally released from these beliefs-to dispel a myth about myself and who I have always believed myself to be-is like being released from the shackles of a certain type of bondage and being freed to discover and develop all the wondrous things just waiting inside!

That a walk in nature can do this to a person is again proof of what I wrote awhile ago...the green of nature is God's way of showing his love for all creatures on earth and it is there, surrounded by his love that we can truly find our selves and achieve a true feeling of LOVE for ourselves.

I don't remember a time in my life when I felt so invigorated and alive. And not just physically...all my senses were totally involved in the experience bringing me into my most inner being as well asfilling an expansiveness of my aura itself with amazing energies, tingling through me and expanding outward to join with the trees and mountains etc.

These days, spending time with others is almost an intrusion... This precious gift of being with ME is a blessing and it will be over in just a few days. I will have a different kind of experience traveling now with someone else which I'm sure will be no less important and revealing to me.
I am just sad that this beautiful period of isolation by choice is coming to an end. I feel as if I could live for months like this and not get tired of it. There are always people here if I want them, but being by myself has thedistinct advantage of allowing me to NOT speak with or see anyone by choice without insulting any one or feeling bad about going off by myself. And no explanation is ever required! It is a true luxury.

Tomorrow I have agreed to try a real trek with Darya up into the mountain...3-4 hours up the mountain but with tea houses all along the way...she understands that if I feel it is too much, we just come back down without getting as far as the waterfalls which are allthe way up there some place. This will be an additional "test" for me and I am really looking forward to it excitedly...alot of the walking is in the forest so I hopefully will not have trouble withthe heat, and we are both taking lots of snacks along so I guess it will be OK.

Waterfall Trek-Discovering the Real Me and What I Truly am Capable Of!

2006-09-26T21:43:00.000+03:30

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 6TH-

TREK TO THE WATERFALL

I DID IT...IT DID IT...IT DID IT...

HURRAY FOR ME!

Everything on this trip up until now was child’s play...a preparation leading up to what can only be described as a “peak experience” as described by Abraham Maslow. If we are lucky enough, we may have several peak experiences in a lifetime...but these will leave us changed forever...childbirth CAN be a peak experience and I can honestly say that 4 of my 6 childbirth experiences were. Being at the births of my grandchildren were for me also peak experiences. My first truly beautiful and loving sexual experience was also a peak experience.

All of these peeled back layers like an onion revealing inner beauty and strengths hidden by years of conditioning and preconceived notions and beliefs which we harbor from childhood and reinforce year after year with our minds, egos and physical bodies. At these times, we see ourselves as we TRULY are and can be and can then strive to continue to live on this new plane.
These experiences cause us to shift our perceptions and compel us to keep reminding ourselves what a truly amazing person we are and if we can only maintain this awareness to recognize these wonderful strengths, compassions, love and unity with the whole that envelopes us at these moments, we are changed for life.

These experiences release blockages which have been reinforced for years and we feel a sense of unlimited joy and peace. These feelings are not based on outward stimuli but on the total experience of BEING in the moment. We are simply and suddenly made aware of, or take notice of what has always been right in front of us but we don’t see as we have a tendency to focus outward.

We feel suddenly completely alive and awake and aware of our TRUE selves and the marvelous being we truly ARE. Not how we and others perceive us to BE.

Which leads up to the following:

I did my first REAL trek today and I cannot describe in words what it did for me but I now know what a baby feels like the very first time he gets up and toddles all across the room for the first time into his Mother’s waiting arms and the meaning of his squeal ofsheer delight which he lets out when he realizes what he hasjust accomplished!!

I not only did this trek, but did it at the pace of the young 30 year old who is a seasoned trekker!. We were told the trek takes about 3-4 hours to get up to these waterfalls. I was up there in less than 2 hours, including a tea break and a “camera” break.

I used my whole body to navigate the very narrow footpaths which at times were clear and just had to be carefully walked over (forest sloping up to the right and abyss to the left-the path just barely wide enough to standon with 2 feet together!), but mostly climbing up over boulders and tree trunks and slippery rocks still wet from the last rain.

Over landslides and descending back down over the same terrain only to climb my way back up again...I used every muscle in my body...veryoften afraid of loosing my balance and falling or spraining an ankle. I descended in a crouching position or actually sat on my behind and slithered down. (it is actually Sunday now and I can tell youthat I REALLY did use every muscle in my body...they are protesting quite loudly today!!)

...at one point in our final descent there was a 180 degree drop straight down and we had to use a tree truck to keep us from falling...we very often grasped fronds or grasses tokeep from sliding down very steep areas or to help pull us up over steep climbs...and part of the way was made more difficult by the altitude and breathing became difficult especially on climbing (we had to do this all AGAIN on the way down).

At times we found ourselves in very deep dark forests which kept reminding me of the story of Hansel and Gretle getting lost in the forest for some reason...There were a couple of times where I lagged behind and became quite frightened that I couldn’t make it but had no choice...had to catch up...I asked myself a couple of times “WHAT are you doing here and WHY are you doing this!!!”

But in the end we came to this paradise of aqua green pools at the base of a glorious waterfall where we sunbathed on boulders and ate lunch for a couple of hours...both of us dreading the thought of retracing our steps but neither one admitting it to the other...

we both faced our own fears...she is afraid of heights...and me my fear of not being able to do it because of my “weak” body, or of falling and breaking something or of simply being overwhelmed and frightened.

BUT I DID IT...and will never see myself in the same light again! I am amazing and truly can do anything! And when we got back much earlier than expected, everyone just assumed we had only made it to the ½ way point and then given up. You should have heard the reactions when they realized I not only did it, but in such a short time!!

There is no way I can thank Darya for giving me the courage to do this and for then giving me no option but to continue following her along the way. It never occurred to her that I couldn’t do it so she never once stopped, or waited, or suggested otherwise. It was obvious to her that I could be behind her and took for granted that I COULD...and... I CAN!!

Oct. 7, 2001-The BEST Cure for Feeling "Under the Weather"...Dancing!

2006-09-26T20:47:00.001+03:30

I woke up this morning (actually felt it last nite) feeling "under the weather"-tightness in my throat and stuffed nose...nothing terrible and already started taking care of it with propolis, echincea, vitamin C, my homeopathic stuff from Hadas and of course LOTS of Reiki...

but the REASON I woke up feeling like this is again a blessing...I am being forced to just SIT and ENJOY my last two days in this beautiful place without my usual running "to do" things.

I am always being looked after for my own good in spite of myself!

I was supposed to take another hike (trek) today with Kelly which I guess I could have done following yesterday's great success but I guess it was really going overboard with a new discovery and was notreally such a practical idea.

I will relax around the room today, eat here up on the roof, and not go out until later to send e-mail and maybe eat dinner out. I am listening to and ENJOYING my music now and will read and rest and just enjoy the view. Actually, it's probably the best idea and Iwouldn't have thought of it on my own...wanted "to do" stuff with only 2 days left. so this is actually the best stuff I can do!!

Sunday Evening...never went out which was great...sat on the roof with "the girls" for a couple of hours and we just enjoyed talking and then , just spent 1 ½ hours dancing up a storm in my room and just like at home..it has cured my feeling "not well" completely. I simply got this urge again...I guess I can't really go for more than 1 month without my dancing...another important thing I'm learning here...thought I might give it up when I get back but I guess it is part of my soul indeed! I felt so good...worked up a real good sweat and sang and smiled the whole time! Went to sleep very pleased with myself and slept beautifully after a nice hot "shower"

Oct. 7, 2001-The BEST Cure for Feeling "Under the Weather"...Dancing!

2006-09-26T20:47:00.000+03:30

The Sparrow

2006-09-26T20:19:00.000+03:30

Monday October 8th-8 AM

I didn't really know how to write about what just happened but it has been another turning point for me in my work with myself and my quest to come to terms with my painful past experiences which have had such enormous impacts on my whole life. To know the past
and to perceive it in a neutral light and to truly be able to forgive and put it all where it belongs...in the past...and not have it always accompanying me in subtle forms in all I do and in my relationships up to this day......I very often felt I had managed to do just that, but certain memories would keep coming back to haunt me and the same painful emotions were always still there...dealing with this and freeing
myself from this has eluded me… until today.

The fact that this happened on the very last day of my 2 months alone is for me, at any rate, very significant...it means to me that this was the time I
needed to purge myself and it is now perfectly suitable for me to be getting on with my travels with someone else...I no longer so desperately need this time "with myself". It is just another proof to me that we must never worry about "what will happen
when..." as the natural flow of events, the overview, is always in place and perfect for our needs...we do not need to waste all of our valuable energies worrying if we made the right decisions and analyzing each move before we make it and what if it will not "work out" and maybe we should have done something else. The idea is to just "DO".

I just read a quote by Ray Bradbury (of all people)
which is quite appropriate:

"Make your journey be a joyous one!
Don't think! Thinking is the enemy of creativity
It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is
lousy...
You can't try to do things.
You simply must DO things!"

Very apropos for all of us actually.

I really am still working on quieting my mind but that will still take time but the basic idea is "to do" and "enjoy" without thinking so much. All will always happen for our own personal best interest.

Now...What happened was I have been trying all kinds of techniques and exercises and processes to rid myself of several poisonous memories which have been keeping
me from truly feeling completely forgiving of the past and these memories were still preventing me from fully getting on with my life and with certain
relationships. I felt that none of the things I was doing was helping and again went to sleep last night feeling quite disturbed by the fact that I couldn’t overcome these feelings which always flooded back to me every time I tried working with the past.

One particular memory headed the list always and perhaps is representative of the injustices I felt as a child and I could never seem to see it in any
perspective other than a child being unjustly treated. No matter how I approached it, it just remained the same and hurt me and angered me every time over again.

It is an incident involving an ice cream tart and probably I am the only one who even remembers it, but, I have finally broken free of not only that incident,but every feeling of pain, anger and injustice it represented from my past.

In the early morning hours when we have "those kinds of dreams", a kind of video film of my childhood started to play. But it included feelings, smells, sounds, sights and impressions which placed me in the role of both participant and at the same time neutral
observer of the events and scenes. Places and people and sights and events and memories arose going back to when I was as young as 2 up to about the age of
10-12. So detailed was the "video" that I was actually there once again. I can still feel the
essence of the places and smell the food and hear the traffic noises while I sit here and write!! Most of the places and people I had not thought of in 50 years
if ever, and these came flooding back to me, candy stores, movie theaters, my grandmother(!), dancing school, on and on and on...friends, neighbors, it was unbelievable!! I wish I had some kind of dream video recorder to save it and replay for all of you to see!! But I guess the idea was just for me to BE there just once more and live through it as well - and neutrally observe it in order to finally purge myself.

Now this all sounds clever and nice and I know even while still watching it that it was working to finally get me moving on without the burden of my past...but as I opened my eyes (at first I had to rub them to be sure I was now really awake) a sparrow sat on the string which acts as my closet here and just looked at me...When I opened my eyes, it chirped as if to say "Oh, now you are a "free bird" just like me!!" (sparrow in Hebrew is called a "tzipor dror" meaning a "bird of freedom") and this is truly now how I
feel. I helped the sparrow find his way out of my room (don't know how he got in...was he here all night??) and then had an enormous cry of overwhelming joy and here I am writing!! I feel "light as a bird" inside and cannot truly believe that this happened to
me. Having the bird here to confirm it and physically emphasis the impact of what happened is almost unbelievable. But true!! So...that's if for
today...must truly assimilate what has happened to
me...it is quite amazing!!

Oct 9-11, 2001 Insights and Lessons Learnt from the Past Continued…and the Present in Delhi

2006-09-26T20:04:00.000+03:30

OK, I haven't written in a couple of days now and am a little behind on mail but I am now in Delhi and this place is horrible and hot and don't feel like sitting to write...but I will try to catch up a little bit before I go back to my air conditioned hotel.

Tuesday...October 9th (still in Mcleod)

After reading something by the Dalai Lama now I had an even greater insight into that ice cream tart incident I mentioned yesterday. It says when someone hurts you or angers you...not only to see it from the other persons point of view which is obvious...but to think
what opportunity it gave you to grow or something positive from YOUR point of view. Up until today I had actually not seen anything positive from my point of view in the incident...when all of a sudden it dawned on me...just now...and I burst out laughing...Am still smiling as I write this... I was given the opportunity at a VERY early age to learn
that you "cannot fool Mother!!"..a fact which probably made the next 15 years of my life a lot easier for me (or maybe you CAN fool her but you've got to be very clever and subtle to do it...so I was forced to develop some very useful tools for the rest of my
life!!)

Thursday - Oct. 11th 5:15 AM

I am now sitting in the airport waiting for Shlomo. I have to fill in the last couple of days from leaving Dharamsala, train ride, arriving in Delhi (yuck!) coming back "home" to hotel, spending the WHOLE DAY out shopping with Darya, missing real food from McLeod...finding Smadar and Gitit here, my phone calls from Chanale Aviva and Shai, cards with Darya and eventually going to sleep ...seems like a week just went by!!

Anyway, sitting here in the QUIET of the airport, with piped in regular airport music and
around (much quieter than Ben Gurion) I can almost imagine I am not in Delhi. And it certainly doesn't look frightening like it did when I arrived just about
2 months ago. As a matter of fact, I've found out that I can cope even with Delhi...it's just a matter of knowing the rules...I guess every big city has its
own rules and once you know them, you've got it made. Darya and I managed beautifully yesterday between Rickshaw drivers, guys trying to drag us into their shops "just to take a look", dirty beggar children pulling at our legs, crossing the street which is pure kamakazi for sure...and of course shopping and eating and finding our way safely home. It is not a city I can say I like, but at least it is no longer a frightening nightmare...It is only a reflection of how I have also changed after being on my own for 2 months...Nothing fazes me...I am very tired right now after not sleeping on the train all nite and sleeping only a few hours last nite. I really need to rest today..but I realize now that anytime I come back here from now on I will feel comfortable. Maybe not thrilled with BEING in Delhi, but also not terrified of being here. It's again a very lovely feeling of growth and inner strength and self confidence. I've even learned the Hindi word which I guess means like "go away and leave me alone" and it works on those annoying hanging on beggars and hawkers who follow you sometimes for blocks on the street. When I finally remember to say it instead of just saying "no", or ignoring them...they back off..chelo...have to use it more often I guess!

I see on the board that Shlomo’s flight has just arrived...I guess he will be out soon...it is not a big "balagan" here

2 PM...we are now sitting in a very swanky restaurant after resting for a couple of hours. Shlomo got here with no problem. We hired a rickshaw to take us around and first we went and fixed my ticket at Royal Jordanian...who "don't anticipate any problems in the near future"

Then we went to check a a fancy hotel for $100 just to see what we could get...but it is not worth the money...better to spend that money on fun things and stay in the cheaper hotel which has everything we need.

Now we are in the Main Bazzaar which is no where at all like people frightened me into
believing...actually quite nice to walk around here..

Well, I will write some more tomorrow but we are now going back to the hotel...the driver is waiting for us and we have to meet him in 10 minutes.

...more tomorrow...in 2 days we are off to Udaipur in southern Rajastan.

October 13, 2001 Insights on Delhi

2006-09-26T09:29:00.000+03:30

Living in survival mode, rickshaw drivers and walking the streets

I haven't really written since I got to Delhi and I was trying to figure out why...Perhaps because I am no longer alone...perhaps too hot, perhaps I'm too busy...but it was just this morning that I realized what the reason is: It is this CITY!..there is something here which overrides creativity and spirituality...Life here is basically physical (first chakra) survival and not just for the masses of poor who live here who just try to get through each day...It is everyone who is IN the city. even tourists...and when
every part of your body...all your senses are functioning in survival mode...you have no energy left for the finer things...like writing.

There is nothing that you do here that is easy...even going out for a meal involves planning and getting through many obstacles… even if the restaurant is a block away, you still have to navigate beggars who touch you and follow you, hawkers, rickshaw drivers and of course to safely walk the streets and be alert every minute (there are no sidewalks) and when you finally get to the restaurant you are exhausted. If you have to travel to one...that you've already
decided you want to eat there...you have to GET there.Which means rickshaws...while one is dealing with these guys who are also in survival mode and they will do ANYTHING (as well as everyone else here) to earn a few extra rupees...which is their right...it doesn't anger me but it is simply annoying and exhausting. and this annoyance becomes a constant presence which gnaws at your nerves for hours on end until you just want to give up, or scream, or you get a headache and wait for the day to end! The rickshaw drivers are always trying to take you "just for 10 minutes" to a nice store (where they
get commission) or a great restaurant instead of the one he just agreed to take you to when he picked you up, and so you have to argue with him (after you already agreed to a price and destination after
arguing with 3 others and you are already on the way to your destination or so you think) and so everything turns into a real hassle. Even just walking in the street peo0ple are always calling you, stopping you, touching you and if you are stupid enough to take out the map in your guide book to make sure you are in the right place...3 or 4 "good samaritans" will stop to show you the way which of course goes "right past my store...just come in and look...no buy"...after hours it drives you crazy and then just walking in the road in itself is a hassle. You cannot just stroll and window shop..you have to be alert every minute that you don't get run over by something (rickshaw, taxi, elephant, cow, bicycle) or step in something.

We found actually one fair and decent rickshaw driver who gave us the correct price right off, took us straight to our destination...waited and took us back but at one point he said "if you are not in a hurry,
you can do me a favor...if you go into this really swanky department store that I bring you to for 10 minutes...I get a coupon and when I have several coupons I get a gift for my wife...but DON"T buy anything...it is way overpriced" So we did that for him...he was very sweet...too bad we didn't find him the first day...we could have hired him for a couple of days.

The last few days have flipped my world upside down
and all around again. I have to put all things into perspective again but it is alot easier than it would have been 2 months ago. With the phone calls from my daughters and getting used to having a second person around all the time...it is a big adjustment...shira's
call yesterdAy was particularly disturbing...she is a very strong woman and for her to break down and cry was very difficult for me. It was GOOD that she finally did it though and I will speak to her in a couple of days and may just decided to come home sooner. Her whole life has been thrown into utter turmoil (after the terrorist attack) and she really has no one to help her...even shmulik has become dysfunctional under the strain and she has to deal with it all, including her injured friends and THEIR 3 children alone, with no house evento go home to yet.

I will write more later...have alot of things on my mind but will just enjoy the train ride now.

That’s it for this installment. I actually have many more pages written but am too tired and hot to continue so it will wait for tomorrow.

Oct. 13,2001-Train Ride to Udaipur

2006-09-24T22:57:00.000+03:30

Sat. Oct. 13,2003-Train Ride to Udaipur
Right now we have just left the station in Delhi for our 20 hour trip by train to Udaipur. I am quite tired and hope I will be able to rest some on the train.

It is now almost 5 PM...
We've been traveling for 3hours. Some of the sites are truly depressing along the way but the whole new landscape is opening up
before our eyes-.flat.. occasional clumps of green trees, stretches and stretches of brown/dusty kind of fields, people, huts and then houses and then real
houses with TV antennas and more stretches of nothing.
Shlomo is the most restless person I've ever seen...he is doing most of his traveling hanging out the door like the Indians who can't afford a seat..I just had
great chai and cookies I bought in Delhi and he stood out in the heat smoking and taking in the "scenery". He cannot be still...really sad. But that is his problem, not mine. So far I haven't had any problem with him.. We are different "speeds" but I think it will work out. He is basically quite accommodating to my different needs. He appreciates my taking care of all things for him.

Now almost 6 PM and starting to get dark. The train I traveled on with Darya and also with Amira was much more comfortable. The compartments were bigger and the attendants much nicer. This compartment is like an over crowded cell and it will be a little difficult for 20 hours. With Darya, we had a 4 person compartment to ourselves so we each had a lower berth. Here we are in a "deluxe" 2 person compartment so it is one up and 1 down and right now we are sharing the lower berth so really can't spread out. But we will manage.

This train left from a small train station in Delhi so we didn't have the horrible hassle of Old Delhi with the hordes of people and keeping up with running porters etc. We just got out of the taxi and onto the train.

I feel now like my real "travels” are just beginning in India and am actually quite excited. I no longer am afraid or tense and so it is also more fun than it would have been 2 months ago. I feel at ease and comfortable and no longer find dealing with Indians intimidating. I think we have a real nice hotel waiting for us in Udaipur and hopefully will be able to relax there for 4-5 days.

I was again feeling my peace and quiet flooding back. It REALLY was Delhi that did it to me. Just now noticed that my 2 day headache is also gone!! Too bad
I have to go back there again but there is no way to by-pass it when you travel here.

The scenery is changing a little but it is dusk now and soon will be dark. Some little hills (Shlomo says "mountains" but I"ve been to the Himalayas...these are not even foothills, just hills) in the distance but still basically flat. This would be a perfect compartment for one person if I was traveling alone but it is really cramped for 2. I am getting drowsy...I think I will eat something again and wake up...don't want to sleep now.

Sunday...8 AM
Well, it is now morning and in a minute I will describe the nite...but we woke up to a slight change in scenery...still the same beige color and trees but now interspersed with palm trees and every so often a clump of savanna grass which looks so much like the plains in Africa (from what I've seen on National Geographic) that you expect a lion to appear any minute...and the monkeys are back!! Also, the road is lined with some kind of cactus looking plant. Which also defines the fields. The trees are getting sparser and whatever is growing looks very wilted...like it is in need of water...or maybe it is the end of a harvest...I don't know. Yes, I guess it is after harvest as now I see many newly plowed fields ready for planting. But everything is so brown and dry. Not a drop of water to be seen. There is some kind of plant with lilac/pink large flowers on it growing at random all over also. Wish I knew what these were. They seem to spread out like bougainvillea which has nothing to climb on.

Just past a shallow pond of water.. maybe left over from the monsoon or maybe a very small natural body of water?? Now electrical wires have appeared so must be
houses someplace around here but don't see any. OH...here they are! A town!! Very plain and simple but clean...and colorfully painted houses. Sky is also nice blue...no pollution. I already like it here! There are many TV antennas and even a couple of satellite disks on what seem like shacks...very clean here!

We are now passing a grove of what looks like eucalyptus trees...small and straggly but eucalyptus for sure.

THE NITE; Well, as I mentioned, we could not get 2 lower berths and when it was time to go to sleep shlomo (who is quite big…weighs about 120 KG and is 1.96 tall)
graciously said he would go up but the bottom bed seemed wider and so I said I would try up. But when I got up there the AC vents shoot directly onto the top bed and it was freezing...so then Shlomo tried to go up but the space between the bed and the ceiling was too small for him to maneuver into...this was all very funny at the time. Soooooo...what to do... I could ask for another blanket or use my fleece but
then Shlomo decided we could both sleep head to foot together on the lower berth. So we got ourselves comfy but I was on the inside and the bed itself is
like a board and on the wall is a metal bar and my bones were in trouble. I couldn't stay in my one position for very long and also couldn't move as I was wedged in like a sardine. And when shlomo fell asleep which he did almost instantly, he forgot there was another body there and kept moving a little bit each turn completely on the bed mashing me into the wall and crunching my bones into the metal. After about 3 hours I realized this would not work. At one point I found a comfy position on my back but after I guess an hour my back bones started to complain very loudly. So I took out my wool shawl and went upstairs where I fell soundly and comfortably asleep until the morning. Not really enough hours but at least I slept. And Shlomo didn't realize I had moved until he woke up several hours later to pee.

Before going to sleep we played some cards and had supper which even the "king of spicy food" shlomo could barely get down so again I had rice, chapati and curd and then off to sleep.

Now we are waiting for breakfast which I ordered but I am taking no chances. Already ate apple, almonds and raisins and still have plenty of cookies left. We should arrive in Udaipur in 2 hours and all in all it was an easy and quite fun trip.

9 AM..
We just ate breakfast which I decided to take a chance and order from the station. This is my first time taking a chance on "street food" and I hope it will be OK.
It was quite good to my surprise...not spicy AT ALL basically 2 pieces of white bread with a little butter slightly toasted and 2 veg. cutlets which were basically chanuka levivot (latkes). Nice and greasy and crispy and quite tasty. And of course chai. Will know I guess by tomorrow if this was a mistake or not but it is very clean here and I'm sure it will be OK> Will do some Reiki just to be sure!

The difference between here and Delhi and even the North in cleanliness is quite noticable. Everything so far seems very orderly and clean. Quite a nice change. Even in McLeod no one really cared about basic order and cleanliness.

I'm going to write about a fairly indelicate subject
but it is part of the Indian experience soooo... I've been here 2 months exactly now and in the beginning even on the cleanest most comfortable toilet I had problems with BM and now 2 months later, with no problem or hesitation, just like at home after breakfast, on a moving train, no seat (not Indian either which actually makes it easier) just a dirty Western toilet, I did my stuff without a second thought!! I guess you get used to anything eventually. (although I still can't manage the Indian food...probably never will...
too bad, it is quite tasty)

Oct 14-15-Udaipur-Leap Year Celebration at Main Temple and "bracelet" Girl

2006-09-20T22:01:00.000+03:30

Things are overwhelming again experience wise but
this time in a beautiful nice way, not like Delhi.
There are just so many things happening every minute
that it is difficult to take it all in.

And I can't write while it is happening as we are
either riding in a rickshaw or walking...so I have
made some little notes and hope to be able to get
everything across slowly while I sit here.

Sunday nite...october 14th

After dinner we went out to stroll a little and as we
were walking around, we heard lots of music and
singing and cracks of fire which sounded like
fireworks but we didn't see any so I don't really know
if they were for sure. Then we got to the Main Temple
in town and there were scores of people going up and
coming down the stairs. So we decided to go in
and check and see what was going on in side.

We got to the top of the stairs and there were scores
of people there, mostly women and children, all
dressed in brightly colored clothing and either
crowding together to walk up to the second floor which
we never got up to check as it was simply too crowded
or sitting around in the lower courtyard, all crammed
in together sitting cross legged and in the center
were 5 or 6 men playing music and singing. It was
beautiful and festive and it was obvious that this was
some kind of celebration. We looked around for
someone to ask and eventually found some man who spoke
some English and after much questioning I understood
that this was a celebration of the leap year which
comes every 2-3 years and just like we sometimes
have Adar II, they also have an extra month every so
often. So it was like a New Moon celebration for a
very special month but it seemed more like Simchat
Torah with all the singing and gaity.

Children here are very friendly and sweet and smile
at you, say hello, want to shake hands and talk
English and look you straight in the eye...no false
shyness about them...really really cute...and when we
took out our camera to take pictures, even the
littlest ones look at you longingly to have their
picture taken. All in all it was quite exciting,
just as much as the festival we passed through in Shay
so long ago in Ladakh. Sooooooooo colorful it is hard
to describe and the music was so exciting and full of
rhythmic beats that I felt like dancing myself and had
a hard time to keep myself still. Very often I
clapped hands with the children and they were
delighted. It was a surprise we didn't expect and
really made our first day in Udaipur special.

Monday October 15th

Yesterday we walked around not too much. Shlomo wants
to take a rickshaw to site see!! We have a little
problem here but I told him walking to see the sites is
my thing. We ate... nothing great but passable and
tasty. Started to make arrangements for the rest of
our trip. Got all kinds of prices and finally found
a nice young guy who gave us not only a good price but
seems most reliable and jokingly we said we want him
to come with us to explain things to us and he said
yes, I can but I have to ask my MOTHER!! (In the end
we did not choose him for many reasons and it was
quite difficult to disappoint him but that's part of
life) Anyway, we decided to see him again today and
get it all squared away. We just have to decide which
type of car will be most suitable for Shlomo's size.
It is many hours to sit and he needs room. we will
see after checking out two kinds of local cars.

We went to sleep quite late but our fist nite in
/Udaipur was very quiet and we slept well, getting a
very late start in the morning.

Today we went to the City Palace which was fascinating
but soooooooooooooo big we quit after 2 hours. Neither
of us is crazy about all this walking around and
seeing things which works out very well.

Then while walking to look for a restaurent for lunch,
a little girl comes up to us and starts chattering
away. Where are you from, what is your name, my name
is, I am in the fifth grade, and on and on and I
realized that in the end we would have to give her
something but she was so cute we couldn't resist and
she said she would take us "siteseeing". So we
followed her, and she did not stop talking for one minute...
this is my mother's sister's house, this is my brothers house, this
is my school, this is my firend, my father works as a guard at city palace,
my family is very sad about what happend to America, Israel is very good
because you fight the muslims and you are very strong (this is a sentiment
we here over and over again many times a day here!) I will take you to see
a nice view and on and on and on...

she took us down to a very quiet corner on a ghat
which we probably would never have found alone, and then we
took pictures together and then I had just thought to
give her some money but she turned to me and pointed
at my rings and asked if I could give her. I said no
simply because I have alot of trouble finding rings to
fit me and I wasn't prepared to give them up but I had
a nice bracelet I had bought recently which cost
practically nothing and she was overjoyed when I
offered her that. You had to see her eyes and
smile...her whole face was aglow. Knowing the hard
life she has waiting for her, it was a very good
feeling to give her this moment of happiness. She
probably finds people all the time and has a whole
collection of jewelry, maybe is saving it all up with
the hope of opening a business one day, but who cares
! She ran through the streets proudly and happily
showing off her new bracelet and we both felt very
good and it was a pleasant interlude in a hot and
tiring afternoon.

Oct 16-18-Udaipur-Garba Festival

2006-09-20T21:49:00.000+03:30

We took a taxi for the day to see some sites out and
around the city (udaipur). First we went to another
palace which was a princess's palace and they had
quite beautiful gardens there. It was pleasant
walking around, but again very hot. We got ourselves
all dressed up in traditional Maharani and Maharaja
dress and had pics taken for fun. They came out quite
nice.

From there, we went to what is called a craft
village. It is basically a place where you can see
traditional modes of dress, building, houses, music,
dance and crafts from all over rajastan, all in one
place. I am sorry my camera had ceased to function at
this point, since there were some very interesting
things I would have liked to photograph here, and
Shlomo thought they were not worth his film, but
whatever…

Our guide turned out to be actually a retired
University Professor from Delhi university who taught
sociology or something and he REALLY knew his stuff.
Knew a lot about comparative religion as well and I
found our discussions quite stimulating. He
explained, aside from the songs and dance of each
region, the types of houses that are built in the
villages and how the families live, the place of
women, education, religion. Quite fascinating. Should
have had a tape recorder with me.

The thing that was
the strangest however, was to here this highly
educated and cultured man proclaim that the men of
Gujarat are being done in by their wives, since they
must do things like helping in the house, even
cooking, and their wives can actually go out of the
home compound, i.e., they are not in “purdah”, meaning
they don’t spend their lives hidden away from the
world from the day they get married. The men there
“even” carry water!!!. He was very proud of the fact
that HIS wife lived in “purdah” and he did NOTHING in
the way of “women’s” work.

We saw the interesting way in which these 1 room huts
are built and maintained and how it is possible to
have in one round room a kitchen, bedrooms, living
room, and even clothes closets, walls decorated with mirrors….
it was basically too much to actually absorb and I think it would be
fascinating to be able to live for awhile in these various types of villages
and experience the lives of these people.

Their lives are so completely
different from anything we could ever imagine or comprehend, that no
matter of talking about it, or trying to imagine it could really suffice. You
would have to experience it to begin to understand it I imagine.

There was one thing that really disturbed me there.
There was a group of entertainers doing traditional
dancing from one area in Rajastan and in the group
were a woman, her daughter and her granddaughter.
Now the grandmother played some instrument, the
daughter danced and the granddaughter, a baby had to
simply fend for herself while they were “working”.
That was OK since they did include her and pay
attention to her, and were quite disturbed when she
cried for example when someone tried to take her
picture, but at some point, it was time for her to go
to sleep and they had this cute fabric strung cradle
for her to sleep in, but of course when they put her
in, she began to cry as all babies do when they are
supposed to be going to sleep and they don’t want too,
and they began to rock her, but when she continued to
cry, I had assumed she would be picked up and
breastfed…what happened was, the grandmother came over
and shoved a bottle in her mouth!!.. So much for
traditional living.

From there, we were going up to (another) palace but
basically to see the sunset. It was a very long day,
and I was exhausted already, but our driver insisted.
Going up there we drove through beautiful
neighborhoods of Udaipur. There are still many many
beautiful old homes here and the town is beautifully
kept. Public gardens, (which are less than what they
might be since they have a terrible shortage of water
the last couple of years as seen by the lakes all
drying up, much like our Kinneret) and it was actually
quite pleasant driving around, not like most other
cities I saw so far in India.

The palace was totally in ruin, overrun by monkeys and
fleas!!, but the sunset was actually quite impressive
over the mountains. So all in all it was a full day
and basically pleasant, but very very tiring.

Thursday (18th)
Yesterday, we finished arranging the car (to Jodhpur) and then went
to walk in the local market. Not the one along the
main streets aimed at tourists, but the market where
all local shopping is done; It is arranged according
to commodities, shoes, housewares, metal objects,
clothing, toys, etc., etc.

We bought some little nonsense stuff in local stores
and found that the local prices are ridiculously low
but there are still those who see a tourist and
instead of 10 rupees-say 50 rupees. So they got us
once but then we got some nice stuff at REAL local
prices (and even the 50 rupees they quoted is for
items which the going price on the tourist market is
250 rupees!!!)

Then we rested, had some coffee and cake, and ate
dinner before going down to the beginning of 9 days of festivities
for the leap year. (I found out later that it is in honor of Mataji, the
goddess of fertility, which is why the concentric circles are supposed
to be made of inner circle girls and outer men, and the name of the dance
is Garba and originally comes from Gujarat but is danced all over Rajastan now)
If I was alone here I would probably stay for one more nite.

The main street is cordoned off and then there is a
combination Simchat Torah-since just like the circles
on simchat torah, only one dance is danced for hours
on end, but the decorated street with lights and
streamers and the music blasting on huge speakers at
full volume is more like Yom Ha’atzmaut (Israeli
Independence day).

The dance is done with 2
concentric circles going in opposite directions, and
each dancer has 2 sticks made of sugar cane about 40
cm. In length and the dance is quite simple and the
people just go round and round and as they meet each
new person, there is a sequence of hitting the sticks
in a certain way, and all the hundreds of dancers
hitting in the exact same rythem. Manificent and what
music! I have bought a tape to take home of a
recording of this traditional dance.

We sat for 3
hours and just enjoyed and many tourists danced also
(looking very funny…no grace in their movements…the
Indians dance beautifully). But you have to dance
barefoot since it is a religious ceremonial dance in
origin and no way was I going to dance barefoot in
those streets (or any streets for that matter).

At the end of the 3-4 hours (from about 8 to midnite)
prizes are given in all different age groups for best
dancer.

Now this is very much like Israeli folkdancing in that
all ages dance together and enjoy together…and you
have all the same types…there are REALLY small
children, maybe 5 or so who really try but just always
follow one step behind just like the little kids who
come sometimes to folkdancing in Israel with their
parents when they are on vacation, but everyone humors
them and let’s them try. There are the young dancers
who are all dressed up (guys in regular western dress
but girls in beautiful traditional dress…although
there are several girls in jeans and tight shirts and
several guys still in traditional, colorful dress),
and as you can tell, they WANT to be noticed…the
“showoffs” who dance so everyone sees them and those
who add extra turns and arm movements to be just a
little bit better than what tradition calls for…and
then there is always that one guy who can’t dance to
save his life, who doesn’t know one step even after 2
hours of dancing the same thing over and over, who
really really looks funny in the circle, but who just
LOVES every minute of it and doesn’t stop his
ridiculous jumping to his own beat for a minute.

For 9 days of this festival, people eat only once a
day (like Ramadan) at 6 in the evening, but a big
feast each day including wine and whiskey and lots of
meat and then they go out in the streets to dance…in
the bit cities it has become very commercialized and
you have to pay to get into the dance places where
food and drink are also served but we will now be
seeing it hopefully all over Rajastan..(in the end we
never saw it again since we were always too tired to
go out late at nite after all the traveling we were
doing and all the forts and palaces we were seeing
during the day).

Oct 18, 2001- Going to Jodhpur

2006-09-20T19:17:00.000+03:30

We will be leaving Udaipur shortly for Jodhpur. Hope
it will be as nice as here. It is actually something completely different for me traveling with someone else and the truth is I do prefer alone but it is good having him for these few weeks as I couldn’t afford to do what I am doing in this style by myself, and even with these conditions (AC car, nice hotels etc,) it is still very difficult for me. Any other trips I will make to India I will do at my own leisure pace but getting around in Rajastan is best by car and nice to stay in better accommodations.

10:30 AM. We have left and are driving through
Udaipur to go to the post office. Outside the old
city area where we were staying it is a nice modern
city with wide clean streets, no pollution, lots of
green and tended public gardens, actually seems like a
really nice place to live and there are neighborhoods
with REALLY beautiful homes like Herzlia style…walled
in with gardens peaking out, beautifully painted
stucco walls and iron grid work and VERY large…and the
clothing here of the women is amazingly colorful.

1 PM. (This was written originally, like everything
else, by hand in my notebook, and the writing is
really funny and difficult to read, all squiggly and
jumping all over the page…quite funny)

We are way out in the country on REAL Indian
roads!!…and it is as if we have come through a time
warp. We are taking lots of pics but I doubt if any
of them can describe the experience of seeing life
which has stood still in time!!

2:00 PM.. Ranakpur Jain Temple.

It is now after 3 and we have just finished lunch and
now I can write. It was impossible to write in the
car. I tried very hard to write but I couldn’t/

The countryside we saw was unbelievable. Time stands
still here literally and it is like being in a film
about country life 500 years ago. There are not even
any electrical wires. It is really as it was back in
time. And the way women work here is impossible to
describe. The loads they carry on their heads, the
field and road work they do…and at the same time
…still beautifully and colorfully dressed…don’t
understand how they can maneuver in those clothes.

Then we saw the Jain Temple which was carved from
marble 500 years ago and to my mind cannot as yet
fathom how these carvings were made. They are
amazing. 1444 pillars each one different in addition
to enormous domed roofs, recesses, cupolas, all
intricately carved with every type of design, figure,
animal, human, etc., you can imagine.

Now we have just finished lunch and I had a full buffet
of Indian food, basically a do-it-yourself Thali,
absolutely 100% not spicey. But the only people who
eat in this out of the way place are tourists and they
know how to cook for us. Quite satisfying.

Same day. Still traveling to Jodhpur…it is now 6 PM
and we are still driving for what seems like ages and
haven’t arrived yet. We stopped for toilet and chai
and guess we will arrive soon. This part of the trip
was basically boring…nothing particular to see but we
traveled on the “the highway” and went as fast as 70
kph sometimes!!!

8:30. We arrived and came first to a really fancy
hotel where I was sure we would not stay. It has a
swimming pool, fancy restaurants, enormous gardens and
each room is a separate cottage. Same level as a
fancy hotel in Eilat and just beautiful There
starting price was 3600 rupees plus tax not including
breakfast for not the best room. Shlomo got the price
of 2375 including breakfast and taxes for the BEST
room!!. So we are staying. I don’t think I will go
anywhere to site see…just sit and enjoy!!. They even
have an ayurveda massage parlor but it is very
expensive.

Our driver will pick us up at 11 AM but it seems a
shame to leave here to go see another palace! Maybe
I’ll convince shlomo to just make believe I am not
here and go on his own!

Friday, 5AM

I am soooooooooo
tired right now I am dizzy. The drive yesterday was
actually very pleasant but after what I wrote
yesterday about the nice hotel that we should have
been in at 8:30 PM, shlomo did something so “I don’t
know how to describe it” after coercing this reception
manager into giving us this good price…that the guy
basically told him to “fuck off” and leave my hotel
(in a very pleasant way of course but there was no
doubt from the look on his face what he meant). At
this point I was already dizzy from exhaustion and
hunger and the idiot of a man had me following him
around from place to place to bargain for a cheaper
room. Understand, for him this wasn’t a question of
money…he has plenty… it was like a macho challenge to
see how far he could get the owner’s to lower their
prices…like a game and finally I just told him “do
whatever you want (he wanted me with him to translate
from Hebrew what he was saying) I am sitting in the
car with the driver”. Even the driver, a very sweet
young Indian was pissed by now as he also wanted to
eat and sleep. To make a long story short, I did not
get food until 11 PM and then the only thing available
was hot Indian food so I ate toast and rice for supper
and I am now starving in addition to everything else.
The room we have is really really nice but I don’t
know how much I will enjoy it…I think it is time for
me to end this trip.

Maybe I’ll suggest going from here straight to Jaipur
and then home to delhi. And I want to just sleep here
for 2 days and see how I feel. Hope I find a good
place at least to eat.

2:30…I read and then fell back to sleep for about an
hour but Jodhpur is an Air force training area and so
the planes woke me. Mr. Kishen, our driver, took us
to see the 2 magnificent sites in Jodhpur. The
current Maharaja’s palace which is ½ a hotel and ½ the
family still occupies. It was built in 1929. Before
that they lived in the fort which was built in 1450 or something and it is truly a wonder. Walking around was amazing and interesting and we got vibes of a long dead way of life. But what a life…such excessive riches and today I imagine the situation in India is not much different. Excesses in both poverty and wealth and a gap which can never be filled.

We changed our plans completely, as so often happens
in India. I cannot see myself spending more days on
the road even in a nice comfy AC car just to see
another desert city…I’m sure it is also amazing from
the pictures I’ve seen, but neither of us finds this
our “cup of tea”. So tomorrow, we are leaving for
Jaipur to do some shopping and ride on an elephant and
then the car will take us to delhi and hopefully the
same evening we will leave for Pathankot on the way to
McLeod. Just have to make reservations. We will be
there several days and Shlomo is planning for us to go
to Thailand but I think I might just head home. It’s
an opportunity for me but don’t know if I am up to it.

Belive it or not, I am now sitting at the swimming
pool and despite the heat here, the water is too cold
for me to go in to! But I am resting and will then go
up and finally take a bath. I hope! The last two
times I tried, once in Udaipur and once here, as soon
as the tub finally filled up and I got my lavendar in,
Shlomo just got in as if I had prepared it for him
without a single thought or question as to whether I
was planning to use the filled tub for any reason. He
thought it was very funny but I really could have
murdered him, especially when he pulled it the second
time!.

The sun will go down soon and then the mosquitoes will
set in with a passion…so I’m off.

I know now that I am not meant for this intensive type
of travel. If I could afford it, I would stay in
these towns each for 5-6 days and just relax in the
luxurious surroundings and then travel to the next
town and spend more time pampering myself. But I
can’t do it this way. Hope to rest again and eat well
up north.

This hotel also must have been something in its heyday
but it is almost completely empty now and it is quite
sad to see. The gardens, rooms, public areas, all are
quite elegant and well kept but I doubt there is much
tourism in these parts these days, or for anywhere for
that matter.

October 19-21 - Jaipur and Jodhpur and More Lessons

2006-09-20T18:53:00.000+03:30

I am now after the pool, my first REAL hot, lavender
bath since coming to India. Shlomo left me alone this
time…he finally realized I was really angry at him for
taking my tub of hot water from me the previous two
times. ! I really enjoyed the long leisurely bath,
and a sort of nap and now down to dinner.

Since there
are so few guests here they cook dinner to order and I
told them that their food was no good for me and
needed them to recommend another restaurent (a real
problem here in Jodhpur) . They said they would
prepare whatever I wanted NOT SPICEY. So this
afternoon I ordered vegetable soup, dal, rice, veggies
and chapatti and soon will see what their idea of not
spicy is.

I’m really having a problem in this city
with food. It’s good we are leaving tomorrow. Shlomo
is up in the room and I am enjoying the quiet of being
alone. I have decided, although not told him yet,
that I want to go straight home. I will use my father
as an excuse which I hate doing and I pray that this
lie of mine will not affect my father’s health, but I
really need to get home as soon as possible. I don’t
even feel like going back to McLeod.

Well, they made an effort with the food but I’ve
really got to get out of here fast! Nice variety of
food but it is still sting in my throat. I will eat
enough to fill my stomach and to make them happy since
he is standing right behind me watching my reaction!
Don’t want him to feel bad after going to all the
effort of making this special stuff just for me.

Something happened and I really feel a very strong
pull to come home. I wouldn’t attempt to explain it
to shlomo. I will see what happens over the next
couple of days but I think this is it!. I have no
more need to be away. I’ve come as far as I can right
now and need to get home to move myself further along
the way. I think any more time here is just a waste.
What I came for I succeeded in doing and it is time to
go home. I will wait a day or so but would like to do
it on my return to Delhi without even going north
again. I am saturated.

I realize now that I did not come to India this time
to travel. I said this once before…this was an
internal trip…not an external one.

Sunday…October 21st
I am feeling very heavy today and being around Shlomo
is not making it any easier. He has been pouting
since yesterday even though he says all is OK. It is
so obvious in him that it is ridiculous. It’s like
being with Amira again. As long as everything goes
according to the way they want…all is well. There
must be a reason why I attract these people to me…a
way for me to learn some lesson I guess…

Now he is making plans to go to Thailand anyway and
kind of saying “I didn’t really want to go with you
either..you don’t know what vacations are for…all you
want to do is rest, sleep, eat, relax, read, see the
sites and shop…I need action!!” If it was up to him
each day he would be someplace else. What a relief to
know I am getting rid of him. And he thinks that he
is “punishing” me by taking someone else with him to
Thailand (doubt he will get there…he can’t do this
kind of stuff alone which is why he followed me to
India in the first place).

He hasn’t a CLUE as to
what India is. The only thing that peaks his interest
is poverty, filth and he cannot see beyond any of this
into the heart and soul of India. I am just as glad
he did not come North with me. It probably would have
spoiled the taste of that beautiful and special place
to be there with a primitive heathen.
(This turned out not to be the case in the end, to my great surprise and satisfaction)

So I am quite tense but it is only because I do not
yet know exactly when I am coming home. I will know
tomorrow around 10 AM and then I will feel better as I
can make plans.

Just a few words about Rajastan. It is too hot for me
to really enjoy and the distances are vast. But
riding in the AC car was actually very comfortable and
we had a really sweet driver. As I worte earlier,
after leaving Udaipur, 34,000 people, not 10 million
as we were told!!!!, we saw farmers plowing fields
behind 2 bullocks yoked together, women drawing water
from wells and carrying it in earthen jugs on their
heads, clay huts with sticks and grass roofs, women
working the fields with primitive hand tools, living
conditions which haven’t changed in hundreds of years,
women grinding wheat they cut from the fields to make
chapattis. I can’t really describe the scenes that
ran past like a movie of life from the past. I would
have loved to be able to stop and speak to some of
these women but of course that is impossible.

Jodhpur is a horrible city and no real reason to go
there if you ask me. But Jaipur is a whole different
story. I could see spending several more days here,
which I may do if my flight is not in a couple of
days. Even if I just sit and relax it is OK.

I haven’t really written about Jaipur since the days
there were very disturbing, but looking back now (from
home) I realize that I actually had quite a nice time
there. The elephant ride up to the Amber Fort was
something I haven’t done since I am a child…just to do something
for fun…and I really enjoyed it! It was silly fun and very good for me.

Then of course, going shopping! Good thing I know how
to keep a tight fist on my pocketbook. Both Rajistali
and Anoki were fabulous places where you could spend a
fortune. I really enjoyed those two days of shopping,
and even shlomo didn’t seem too disturbed by the fact
that I went shopping alone. He actually came to Anoki
with me and watched me try on 100’s of things before I
chose, and the things I picked he liked so much that
he bought copies to take home to his wife!!.

I imagine when I get back to India, I will check them
out again but will probably just try their branch
stores in Delhi.

Well, I think I will end this installment now. Just
reliving those few days has exhausted me. They really
were quite difficult. Things did get better by the
way as you will see from the next letter. I had a
long discussion with Shlomo and he actually agreed
that he had been acting like a shithead!! So things
were easier for the last week of our trip at any rate.

Oct 23, 2001 – Back in Delhi.

2006-09-20T18:28:00.000+03:30

The ride from Jaipur to Delhi was uneventful and very
fast as we drove in a new car, a Tata something, forgot
the name of the new Indian car but we drove as
fast as 90 kph and the driver was a madman!!.

WE came to a different hotel which was recommended by
Dyanne’s husband Yossi in the main bazaar, Star
Paradise, and for the price, it was perfectly suitable
for our purposes, and very convenient.

We had a very busy and productive day today of “making arrangements”.
For The first time I went to buy tickets at the railway station and sure enough,
just as I had been warned, all these people tried to tell us “there is accident”,
“closed”, “across the street”, not working today-holiday”…on and on and they
really ambush you…block your way so you can’t walk…shlomo was astounded
–had no idea what was going on and kept telling me perhaps I should listen to
them…it can’t be that so many people are wrong, etc. but I stuck to my guns and
just went past them almost forcibly and found my way to the right place as described
to me. Filled out the reservation form very easily since I knew all the necessary
information from my last trip and we bought tickets. By the way, for the first time
I rode in a bicycle rickshaw just for the experience…nice for a short trip! Poor guy
though who had to pull shlomo along!

Then we went to Royal Jordanian and confirmed our
Flight for Monday (with a 7 hour stopover in
Amman…thought that was bad enough, never dreamed we
would be spending the whole night there!!), then went
to a really nice coffee house which we found by
chance, but it is highly recommended (STARBEANS NEAR
ROYAL JORDANIAN-G BLOCK NUMBER 53 ON CONNAUGHT PLACE),
which had apparently just opened a couple of weeks
ago, and we drank REAL ice coffee and REAL cappuccino
with Irish Cream and REAL brownies and we ordered also
REAL sandwiches for the train ride made to order, with
either whole wheat bread, or fuchacha or japetta and
any filling we liked.

Then we went back and took only
a small day pack for the 3 days in McLeod. Rested and
were getting ready to go for dinner before going to
the train station, when Mati (the amazing lady you
read about from my very first day in Delhi) called me
at the hotel to tell me she had money that Milan (the
guide) owed me and hadn’t been able to get to me. So
we took a taxi to her house. I was so pleased to see
her again. And this time I met her daughter, Milan’s
mother…so now I know 4 generations of women from this
wonderful family. We stayed only a short time since
we had to eat and catch a train, but it was a very
warm feeling to be hugged again by her and to see her
serene smiling face.

We ate a nice dinner and before you know it, we were
again on our way to the train station to catch the
Jammu Mail. I had tried to describe the Old Delhi
station to Shlomo but he was also overwhelmed by it,
but since we only had small packs, at least we didn’t
have to repeat the exercise of running after a porter
carrying our stuff.

When we got to the train, which I
thankfully knew exactly where to find it, who was waiting
there to greet us, Joshi!! The same attendant I had on my trip
together with Darya back to Delhi.

And not only did he remember me and give me a big
smile and handshake, but when he took our tickets said
“What, no 1st class this time??” I explained that
there was no room, so when he checked our seats in
2-tier and saw they were not in a good location and
also 2 other people were to be with us, he crossed out
our names on the computerized list posted outside the
train and put us in a better compartment with no other people!!.

Also introduced us to the attendant for 2 tier, who is his brother
by the way, and made sure we were properly taken care of. He was
of course also properly taken care of by us. Told him we would be
coming back 1st class on Saturday but that was his day off and so
we promised to look for each other next year on the same train!!..

October 26, 2001- Back in McLeod

2006-09-20T18:16:00.000+03:30

We traveled here on Tuesday (it is now Friday) and I had previously
written to all of you about my butterflies upon
pulling into Pathankot and feeling of coming home.
Everyone was so pleased to see me and it was a good
feeling.

Wednesday we had a long but easy and nice day. We
took a rickshaw up to Bhagsu to arrange a massage for
Shlomo and me but "the girls" had already left for
more touristy areas. We visited Akhilesh who was
quite surpirsed but very pleased to see me and we had
a nice vist with him. He was quite taken with Shlomo!
The village of Bhagsu is completely dead...most of the
restaurants are closed and you don't see a person in the
streets- really weird. We then walked home via bhagsu
road and prowled around town and shopped.

Did Reiki to Shlomo at his request (after Akhilesh
told him he couldn't believe he was with me for 2
weeks and never requested a treatment!) and I was
astounded by the depths of his reaction - won't go
into details here. I never expected something like
that from him...then we went down to eat and both fell
asleep exhausted but pleased. He is enchanted by this
place and am no longer sorry that I came back here
with him. At least he is seeing a side of India
different from what he has seen so far and
appreciating it.

Yesterday we took a rickshaw up to Dharamkot and
Shlomo went for a "long" walk in the mountains - 8
minutes on the clock!! - and got bored..So much for
enjoying nature. then we found the pizza place after
his almost dropping from exhaustion on the way and
barely being able to breathe, but I have to give him
credit, he didn't complain once. We thoroughly
enjoyed the pizza and two german women joined us for
coffee, but we had so much pizza between the two of
us, we offerred them some and they were
overjoyed...seems they were VERY hungry but couldn't
afford to buy pizza. Shlomo finally found out what it
means to meet total strangers and enjoy their company
and how you can travel alone but not really be
alone...it was an interesting experience for him. We
then walked home via the mountain down to Bhagsu which
again was quite difficult for Shlomo but he didn't
complain once, and when we got back to town, he
couldn't resist spending the rest of the day
shopping!! It's just what this place is meant for and
believe it or not - I also bought some more stuff.

Finally ate, and Reikied him again but he made me stop
in the middle after he was brought to tears - he said
he was too afraid to confront issues which had begun
to arise and would let me know in the future when he
was ready...

Slept well until this morning. We have planned a
short walk for today up the mountain for breakfast at
the tea house in Dharamkot and hope the day will pass
quickly...I want to get home.

It is now 12:30, same day and Shlomo has been
completely out of it since this morning. He refuses
to (or cannot) walk, is very weak, now is in bed. He
is having horrible choking and coughing spells as hif
his lungs are trying to get rid of years of 4 packs a
day of smoking. I don't think he has used his body
either at all for any physical pursuits over most of
his life and he is really in bad shape. so we are
doing nothing today which is fine with me. I just
feel like relaxing which he CANNOT do so he has been
forced into bed to sleep off his weakness which gives
me time to just be alone and relax. I think the
altitude may also be hard for him.
(Realized afterwards that the Reiki had a lot to do with
his coughing as well)

This last bit in India has been a mixture of confusing conflicting
feelings but it was probably good for me to swing back a little
from the "high" I was in before coming home. It will make getting
back to reality easier since in some ways I have already come
"down to earth".

Everything that happens is planned for the best
interest of all and I can see the blessing in the past
couple of weeks quite clearly. It will save me some
of the adjustment of geting "back to normal" when I
get home in a few days.

The weather here is really changing and I know that if
I stay here next year through November it will be
quite chilly but still pleasant. It was really good
that I was given the opportunity to come back here
again and see.

Tomorrow just have to get food ready for the
train...one nite in Delhi and home. Long long flight
which I hope will not be too difficult...just the
though of waiting 7 hours to board a plane when home
is only 45 minutes away is difficult (little did we
know then that we would have to wait until the
following morning!!).

Same day - 7 PM
I have been having a very heavy feeling of loss. So
heavy that it is a physical weight. I am making last
minute preparations to leave here and this time there
is no chance I will be back any time soon I literally
feel "heartbroken". I know this will probably all pass
when I see everyone but I think I will find it very
difficult not to think of India constantly while I am
home I can now understand what people mean when they
talk of their longing to return. I can already feel
it. It is not like leaving any other place I have
every visited. Those are just places you go to see
and then are happy to come from. This is more than a
place...it is an essence...something alive...something
you can physically leave but which stays within you
whereever you go. That is what India has become for me...
something that will be WITH me and WITHIN me forever
now no matter where I am.

We saw the Dalai Lama by chance today. He came by in
a motorcade on his way home from abroad and even
though I only caught a glimpse of him waving and
smiling from behind a car window...I still felt that
same stirring of energy wihtin..amazing!

so, I keep thinking I have nothing else to write but
things keeps coming up to the surface and although I try
to detach myself and feel like I am already "on the
way", it is not really working. I think I will eat
here in the room tonite and go to sleep early.

Journal 2003

2006-09-20T17:43:00.000+03:30

You can view the entire 2003 Journal in the Sept 2006 Archives.
You can view the entire 2004 Journal in the August 2004 Archives.

Enjoy

Beginning of Journal 2003- My Second Trip to India

2006-09-16T19:18:00.003+03:30

July 18th

Hi All,

NO, I am not in India yet. But have decided to begin this journal now before I leave (have actually been contemplating it for a while already). Please remember, this is my PERSONAL journal but I am happy to share it with you.

I have been preparing of course for some time, but definitely not as long or as intensely as for my first trip. It has been much more fun and much less worrisome than the first trip. I am obviously no longer afraid of the unknown, and yet on the other hand, knowing many of the things to expect can be just as frightening. But funny thing is, they are not. I am so excited and my head is basically "in India" already...The heat no longer bothers me here, I am taking things very slowly and relaxed, not doing anything in a hurry or under tension, and it is a wonderful feeling.

I've already done my trial packing a couple of times and think I've got in finalized now. My bag is a full 6 kilo lighter than the first time I went and there are actually things in it which are not really necessary, but there was room, so I put them in.

My tentative (very tentative as is everything surrounding a trip to India) itinerary is as follows:

Flying into Mumbai on Thursday- I am leaving Israel at 8 AM and arrive India time 6:40 in the evening. I then have a connecting flight to Chennai at 3:50 in the morning, so have quite a long wait in the terminal. Hopefully my friend Milan will come around after work and we will go out for a nice dinner...haven't seen him since my last trip and really looking forward to meeting him again. We’ve been in contact all this time and he has helped some of my friends, including Shlomit when the last minute she had to arrive alone in Mumbai.

I will then arrive early in the morning on Friday in Chennai and be met by my friend Ravin who lives there with his parents. They have already asked me what I want for breakfast and at 10 AM their massage lady is coming to give me a massage before I shower and fall into bed! I will be staying at their house for at least 2 weeks, maybe longer depending on how I feel there, how hot it is, etc. and planning to have clothing sewed, eyeglasses made, go to their family ayurveda doctor and get diagnosed and hopefully treated for various problems (this will require at least a two week stay at their house as the treatment is daily including massages and various medications etc-but comparing it to the prices here in Israel, and the expertise level, it is a fantastic bargain and really looking forward to it)...and also hope to visit the yoga center founded by Desikachar which is the type of yoga I have been doing for years, and it is only a couple of blocks away from his house. Hopefully there I will find a private teacher who will check what I currently do and put together a program suited personally to my needs. I also hope to visit the famous dance center there...many many things to do...would also like to hang around the kitchen and get some tips on Indian cooking.

From there, I will be going together with Ravin up to Kodai where I hope to stay for quite some time to relax. He can only stay a few days as his father needs dialysis and he basically takes him 2x a week, but I really am looking forward to finally being alone and enjoying things. It is a hill station, up in the mountains, hopefully will remind me of McLeod,- the weather there is 10-20 degrees so I will finally get away from the heat I have been suffering in for the past couple of months!! I will also be going to a Zen Meditation Center for a full program for about 10 days (it is near Kodai)...program is from 5:30 AM until 9 in the evening, includes all sessions, studies, training, lectures, food, private room with bathroom-all for 200 rupees (20 shekel) a day!! I will also visit the International School there where I was actually accepted as a staff member if I want to work there starting in January 2004...so will check it out!

From there I am heading off to Kerala, and will stay for as long as I feel like it. I will be in Varkala which is a beach area I understand and hopefully will do a Backwater Boat trip and wind up in Cochin...

From there on, I have several options and of course have no idea what I will do until I get to that point.

1. I can take the 48 hour train ride up to Delhi and from there continue back to Mcleod and visit my friends there and simply enjoy as I did last trip, OR, as a new friend named Sandeep has so convincingly suggested, go to Shimla which is also up in the mountains and enjoy myself there for some time.

2. I can go back to Chennai, spend some more time with Ravin and his family and relax and then continue to travel around Tamil Nadu...this depends very much on the weather...I seek the mountains as I do not do well in heat.

3. My other option is to go from Chennai back to DElhi and then again up North to Mcleod or Shimla to end my trip.

So...many things are still open, and you will know, along with me, what is happening as it happens.

This whole trip is an adventure from the beginning and I imagine many wonderful and interesting and surprising things will happen along the journey, both the outward journey and the "inward" journey. One thing is for sure, I will not be the same person I am today at the end of the trip.

So, that's it for #1. The fun has already begun for me...enjoy together with me!

July 24, 2003- 8 AM-ON MY WAY!

2006-09-16T19:10:00.000+03:30

Well, don't quite believe it but I am sitting on the plane, despite everything, in an isle seat waiting for take off. The plane is full of backpackaers and Indians-interesting combination. I'll go back a couple of days however as this flight actually began with my leaving my own home a couple of days ago and visiting etc. before actually flying out (by chance on the same flight as one of my daughter’s, Aviva, who was going on an extreme sport trekking thing in India-turns out in the end she did the same thing I did 2 years ago-jeeping up to Leh over the Himalayas etc…I never considered it extreme sport-just a fabulous adventure- Aviva would be doing it up in style however, staying at 5 star hotels, using heated tents for the ride over the mountains etc!) –

Woke up Wed. morning after sleeping only 3 hours Tues. nite-couldn't fall asleep and woke up very early. Shlomit (another daughter) had offered to pick me up and get me to Aviva using Judah's (my ex) car. This saved me the big shlepp of taking my bags alone on the train. So I was already much more relaxed. Brought the car to Edna (my best friend who had recently lost her 36 year old son, father of 3, in a car accident) and she brought me back home. We sat and had coffee, tea whatever and then Shlomit walked in-So happy to see her. Edna was quite upset as we parted and I promised to call her from time to time.

I had already finished all the laundry, cleaning, bathrooms, kitchen thoroughly-getting everything in order for leaving and so we sent to eat at Capriza one last meal. Had a pleasant time together-just nice spending some quiet private time with Shlomit and then we left and I got to Elisheva's (ANOTHER daughter) where I promptly konked out for a couple of hours. Spent some fun time with the kiddies etc., but got real tired again and around 7 we headed for Aviva's where I laid down to rest again - I wanted to sleep for awhile before Aviva started her frantic packing-Finally, she was all packed around midnight thanks to Shlomit!
We then went to sleep with Aviva's promise to wake me at 4 so we could leave at 5 AM.(If I had been alone, I would have been at the airport at 5 to be first in line-but her friends were meeting her at 6 and I wanted to sit with her on the flight so figured I’d just wait for them)

Just a break in the narration-we are now taking off! I've been thinking and dreaming of this since the day I came home almost 2 years ago - and did not always believe it would actually happen but here I am! And here I go- I will now try to get some much needed sleep in, so will finish this up later.

10 AM - Just finished breakfast - feeling a little better - I am pleasantly surprised by the flight - Plenty of leg room-stewardesses are quite pleasant-nice choice of music etc (PS: by end of flight-it got to be just like I expected from an El Al flight-food at lunch was god awful, the stewardesses became downright nasty, etc...)

Back to earlier-
Fell asleep ( not really-sort of in and out) and waited for Aviva to wake me at 4 - well-she finally did at 4:50!! Well, we rushed and made it to the airport by 10 to 6- but no sign of her friends - Eventually, at almost 6:30 I went in alone to wait on line and check in. Met a nice young girl flying on her own and we thought to sit together . Anyway, when we finally got to the check-in counter, flight is full and only single seats available. I very luckily (or again I am just being taken care of always from above) got the last available isle seat.- and then the funniest thing of all-when Aviva and her friends finally get on the plane, she is sitting right across the isle from me (their seats had been reserved in advance). At any rate - All worked out, had no time at all for duty free before boarding so couldn't look for speakers but all is well now and I am feeling quite good. (had forgotten the couple of days before the flight to take Rescue-but when I finally DID remember on Wed afternoon- it did alot to calm me)

So, I will end this entry. Will probably not write again until Chennai.

Milan and perhaps Chiro (friends from my first journey who I traveled to Leh with) will meet me at the airport in Bby (I have a 9 hour wait for my connecting flight) and we will go out for dinner - Really excited about seeing them again, and then back to the terminal to wait for my early (3:50) flight to Chennai where Ravin will be waiting for me. Also, waiting will be a shower, breakfast and a massage-and then hopefully pleasant quiet sleep. That's all for now.

Arrival in Mumbai (Bombay) and Special Evening with Milan

2006-09-16T18:56:00.000+03:30

Friday July 25th - 10 AM

Back to last nite…I am waiting for my massage and it is now 10, but being India, this means nothing….so I might as well get caught up on the computer…

The flight ended beautifully and as we landed, I started to cry - Aviva was quite surprised, and truthfully so was I. I did not expect to feel so deeply about coming back to India - But they were tears of joy, thankfulness, love for all those who guided me so lovingly back and who made it all possible and just plain excitement. I got off the plane, took my time, got through customs and, knowing Milan was already outside, was anxious to get out quickly and hoped my luggage wouldn't be the last out. Well....the last piece of luggage came around the circle, and ,mine was nowhere to be seen-turns out it had come out FIRST, before I got there, and someone had taken it off and put it off to the side. Soo...out I went and sure enough Milan was there with a big grin on his face. The weather was not bad at all.

ASIDE: The Bombay airport is much nicer than I expected. Wonderfully air conditioned, quiet, orderly and outside no touts like in Delhi - One guy asked me if I need a taxi, and when I said no, they all back away. (further aside: didn't realize just how nice the airport was until I got BACK to wait for my flight to Chennai-they have showers there (!) and bed sort of things to lay down and sleep on in the waiting lounge. And I did just that...I found an empty one and slept for 2 hours before boarding the next flight)...and security there is really strict-luggage is all checked...then hand luggage...then body search and then the same thing all over again for hand luggage and body search before getting onto the bus to the actual plane...which was also funny...2 bus loads had already left for the plane and we were waiting on the last bus when everyone was told to get off and go back inside since there was a problem with the plane and it could not take off...as soon as everyone got off the bus...everyone was told the plane is OK and you can now get BACK on the bus...it was actually quite comical and the Indians just shrugged and laughed it off...no one got angry or cursed or complained or shouted...and many were there with babies and small children in the wee hours of the morning...so different from Israelis)

Back to narrative...sorry....Milan took me to his car-a brand new VW station- Just like Judah’s (my ex) car I had just ridden in with Shlomit to the airport only a station wagon! We started driving and getting reacquainted-and we just drove and drove through tons of traffic...bby it seems is enormous-70 km. long from end to end! Well, we finally got where we were going and Milan says "You don't have to pay, I have coupons" Didn’t know what to expect from a coupon restaurant...Well, we wound up in the swankiest restaurant ,pub, dance bar in Bby where all the rich rub elbows...movie stars etc. But there was no one there at 9 PM or so as nite life apparently just begins close to midnite.

Now, it really was fancy-we had our own private waiter standing discreetly behind our table to refill water glasses, serve dishes on our plates etc.
Milan insisted I have cocktail (to go along with his FIVE gin and tonics) and I agreed-some vodka and fruit thing which was delightful...Then we started with courses-they suggest things and you agree or disagree-tell them how you want it prepared "Nayee spice" and then they go prepare it. We waited a 1/2 hour for each course like this to be served!

(To make along story short, since Ravin is hungrily waiting to use his computer)...we spent a few very pleasant hours there talking about everything from family to world politics...he is an amazing person......and in the end the bill came....I almost fell over backward when I saw it! Obscene is probably the best word for it...it was 4000 rupees!! Enough for a family to live on for a month!

(Well, it is now actually Saturday morning after breakfast, and a wonderful night's sleep, but I will get caught up to date and hope to stay up to date now at least for the time being. Today we have planned a small outing to change money and then at 3 my first ayurveda treatment.

back to narrative....

Let me continue...after discussing the problems (I am back to my short visit with Milan at the restaurant) of the overly wealthy in India, the new generation of spoiled youngsters, credit buying, proper home education and discipline and morals for children (he has a 15 years old daughter and 12 year old son), living beyond your means, the influence of cable TV and computers, children who no longer play outdoors and would not recognize a jump rope if it jumped up and bit them...we agreed that this is a truly global community and this latest generation is growing up in some ways with many advantages, but quite disadvantaged in many other ways.
Milan then took me back to the airport and then I sent that very first e-mail to all of you...checked in at Air India (they take your picture and put it on the boarding pass!) and then as you read in the last entry, found the bed "room" and slept for a couple of hours.

I will end here as I am tired and Ravin really wants his computer...more tomorrow in the continuing saga...

July 25th 2003 First Day in Chennai

2006-09-16T18:43:00.000+03:30

(Well, it is now actually Saturday morning after breakfast, and a wonderful night's sleep, but I will get caught up to date and hope to stay up to date now at least for the time being. Today we have planned a small outing to change money and then at 3 my first ayurveda treatment.

That brings us up to my arriving this morning at Ravin's house. Can't believe I've done all I did my first day here...Arrived early morning 5:30 and got to the house around 7. Met Ravin's parents...really nice and pleasant people. Then we spoke for awhile and talked about the things I want to do here. We had breakfast (will talk about my meals here later perhaps) and then I went to wait for my massage-When she never turned up, I took a shower and went to rest-At 1 Ravin woke me...we had lunch and I spent some time on the computer and then we decided to go to the ayurveda doc.

Did this on Ravin's motorbike and it was some experience...scary and exhilarating at the same time. Driving through an Indian city in a taxi or rickshaw is one thing-doing it on the back of a motor bike is another. But the truth is once I got over my initial panic, it was quite fun. I felt quite young and carefree holding onto a cute young guy on the back of a motorbike with an ISSTA bag strapped to my back.

We got to the doc where the consultation is free. It is a branch of the main institute in Kerala. I was diagnosed and given a long list of medications for before/after food, before bedtime and oils for massage treatments which I will being tomorrow for 14 days. The whole treatment will cost about 3500 rupees compared to over $1000 in Israel and 4 times as much in the states. And here it is the true experts in the field.. Then from there Ravin took me to get some nice quality but cheap traveling clothes for my travels and hopefully his mother will take me or send me to have better quality stuff sewn or bought before I leave. We then went and sat in a lovely coffee shop over ice cream and iced coffee and then headed home. Some computer, some talking, some dinner, some more lovely philosophical discussions with Ravin...a joy to talk to...amazing person...discussed his not getting married, his family obligations etc and then somehow got around to discussing Saddam, Hitler, organized religions, born again Christians and an endless stream of other fascinating topics. I am now in "my" room waiting to go to sleep. IT is 10 PM...I am exhausted-but the maid (who does cooking I see, ironing-another one comes to do the laundry-and every time I go out of the room she straightens up after me!) is now sitting and watching TV and I don't have the heart to tell her (even if I could speak Tamil) that I want to sleep...but I will soon
Tomorrow morning we will go out and take Ravin's father to his dialysis and then change some money and I even will get porridge for breakfast. At 3 I have my first massage and guess maybe will just rest. Still have to go for glasses...and to the yoga place and Ravin says I should go pamper myself for about 1000 rupees -hair styling, manicure, pedicure, facial...Just may do it
That's it for now...Maid went to sleep so will I. Fan on ceiling..no AC but seems to be enough. Will see how I sleep. Weather is not too hot but muggy...so far didn't see any rain.

Living in the Real India Thanks to Ravin and His Family

2006-09-14T22:36:00.000+03:30

Sat. July 26th Woke up very refreshed this morning. Did my regular meditation, yoga and pranayama for the first time in India. It was quite pleasnt to know this is something you can take with you wherever you go. On Monday at 11 I will go meet the assistant director of the Desikachar Yoga School here.

Getting used to having servants is very easy. This morning I gave my laundry to the laundry lady/. Breakfast of delicious porridge-toast and onion and tomato omelet plus my new medications before and after.
Both his parents are so worried about him not being married. They seem to think I have some influence over him and if I speak to him he will change his way of thinking. Parents are the same all over the world but Ravin also has a true predicament. Life is never simple...never the way we imagine it will be. The Universe works in strange ways.

Well, anyway, after breakfast we went out to change money and get plastic sheeting for my massage. Went again on the bike. The weather is overcast but so far I've seen no rain. Chennai is a different sort of city...smallish...only 6-7 million!..I have to say that coming to live here with Ravin and his family has added a whole new dimension to my travels. These 2 weeks I am truly living in India.---middle class India, but still India. Not tourist India. I am living in a house with servants and all the modern conveniences and it is very strange to me on the one hand....then going out in the streets and seeing the regular street scenes and the contrast continues...from hovel shops to fancy (very fancy) shopping centers. The paradoxes here are many and extreme. Ravin's mother Rita ( meaning empty) confiding in me at breakfast that "you have to really push them and watch them all the time to get them to work"...and yet everything still seems to be done in such a tranquil, harmonious and easy going way. Nothing like Israel for sure.

I am now sitting on the balcony which overlooks a school. There is no school today and yet from early morning I have been hearing music-the tune used on Star World to advertise programs "Absolutely Everybody" and couldn't understand why I keep hearing it over and over. Now I am outside and I see the kids. Seems like Junior High age, practicing a dance for some class show-Same type of modern dancing done all over the world-excellent choreography I must say ...quite pleasant to watch them...just as good as any "lahaka" (Dance Troupe) at home...but, what a difference between this group and a similar group in Israel (I've worked with this age doing the same thing in preparation for dance productions so I know what i am talking about first hand) Such quiet and discipline-no shouting, no carrying on-even in between when they are resting.. soft spoken tones-even the boys...there is a general atmosphere of calm rather than tension. Ravin cannot sense this because it is normal and natural to him. But I am VERY aware of it.
Well back to shopping...Getting off the bike at the first stop I burnt my calf quite badly on the hot exhaust pipe. Thank goodness I always carry Rescue Cream around with me. It did not blister but is open and raw and quite red all around it and I am a little worried about it becoming infected...also put some "burn ointment" on it but will continue with the Rescue cream (it is now actually 6 PM and it is looking much better and it actually stopped hurting after about 1/2 hour. it is no longer red and seems to be "browning" over.)

Next we went to the market (Ravin is now sitting over my shoulder reading this report and he is making fun of what I wrote about my burn...these men!!! pains in the ass all of them! He says to tell you all he thinks I am making a mountain out of a mole hill--OK...now he is happy)

So...to the market like shops-rows of small kind of cubicles with very small doorways and very long from front to back with walls covered with shelves from floor to ceiling filled with merchandise. Rita sent Ravin to by plastic sheeting to use for my massage today and in the end we bought a kind of straw mat to place on the floor instead. Rita wanted him to take it back and get plastic instead but in the end he didn't and we covered it with a sheet and it seemed fine.

When we got home we have a really delicious lunch. It's kind of like a "do-it-yourself" Thali. All different things are put out each meal on the table which is set with stainless steel dishes...a large plate with high rim, a cup and a small soup bowl...then you take, e.g. rice, dahl, some chikpea dish called chopa I think with fabulous sauce (Rita told me how to make it...quite complicated but simple at the same time) cooked veggies of all kinds, fresh cut up salad etc. etc...and curd and chapati.
I am getting used to the spiciness of the food. They use no chilies here but more black pepper than I do and there is still something in the masala (seasoning) which I am not used to. But I find myself enjoying the new tastes so much that I cannot resist. And my stomach does not complain at all...just burns my mouth for awhile...I think it will be very difficult to settle for restaurant food after being here for 2 weeks. I am really being spoiled
Then I had my first of 14 massages. Absolutely wonderful=meant to treat my arthritis. The lady barely speaks English, her name is Cicely and she is a Christian. But with her very little English and my non existent Tamil we were able to communicate, as all women seem to be able to do, about children, husbands (or lack of them) grandchildren, mothers etc. Also asked about massage in Israel and I told her about Aviva (my daughter who is a massage therapist)...she asked what type and I told her deep tissue not thinking she would understand or know what it was...and she said "too much pain too fast!" So I guess she must know Aviva....She says "pain must come out slowly over many days"...I guess there are many different ways to achieve the same results. Then to my great surprise-at first I thought I didn't understand her properly-SHE gave me a bucket bath-soaped me up-poured boiling hot water over me 2x from head to toe. Then explained to me to do it again later myself. to get the rest of the oils off, (forgot, the massage is done with hot prescription oils which the doctor prescribes for different ailments)
The whole 14 days will cost 2450 rupees and I think I will give her 3000 she is very sweet and good at what she does.

And now, just had a cup of ice coffee the maid made..very nice...I am feeling some tiredness today-probably the delayed reaction to the whole past week. But another couple of days resting should do it.
Don't know if anything else will happen today...I have had some interesting thoughts channeled to me today-not sure if I will write them this same journal.

Yes, something else did happen today...this evening, after dropping Ravin's parents off at a once monthly Punjabi gathering (will write more tomorrow)...I met two Israelis who live just down the street from here...more tomorrow..I'm tired.

July 29,2003-Never-Never Land

2006-09-14T22:31:00.000+03:30

Hi all,
well, I actually missed a day...but most of the day was just routine and nothing much to write and in the evening I was too hot and tired to bother...

Had another massage yesterday, and it seems the oils and hot water did not do the burn very much good...Ravin took me to the local family doctor and the nurse looked at it and said it seemed OK, but later it seemed to get worse so we went back to the his family doctor...very sweet lady doctor and she said to keep the oil and hot water off it but otherwise it was fine...the nurses cleaned it for me and then I got some ointment for it. I have also begun doing much reiki and this morning I have woken up and it finally has dried over so I feel much better about it...I was actually quite worried, and it still does hurt but I'm sure it will be ok...I will not let her oil near there for the next few days and try very hard to keep hot water off it ...so don't worry

As I knew would happen here, my plans have changed completely from what they were 2 days ago. I realized when speaking with Ravin the other day that he would really LOVE to go to Varkala to the beach for vacation...he is perfectly happy to come with me to Kodai but his face lit up when we spoke about Varkala in Kerala. He has been many times to Kodai but only twice to Varkala. I myself really don't care how I do this trip...and am very pleased that he will accompany me at least for part of it...makes everything so much easier here if I have someone else to rely on to make arrangements and take me where I have to go...so we will be going from here to Kerala...will enjoy the beach (I made sure I can get an umbrella so I won't be in the sun) and I will also do a one day trip by myself to the backwaters and he will chill out on the beach...and after he leaves (he can only spend a few days as he has to get back to his father) I will go I guess to Cochin, not sure...but will eventually get back to the southern most point in India where he says I can see sunrise and sunset in the same place and from there I can catch many trains to Kodai. I will check my guide book and get more information about the place and give you the correct name then.

I have been eating many new dishes and have started writing down the names so I will recognize them in other places if I want to order them. By the way, the chickpea dish I gave the wrong name...it is chola or channa and still my favorite so far...but last night I had some kind of steamed cakes which were also delicious, but something I ate gave me some heartburn for the first time, but ginger easily took care of the problem before I fell asleep. It seemed to get hotter yesterday and I was quite uncomfortable, but they say that means it will rain..still waiitng.

Today going to the yoga center by myself and hope it will be worth the trip...we shall see

Spent a few hours with this Israeli couple yesterday who live right up the block from Ravin's house...won't go into details...they work for Herbalife and he is very high up on the chain...she seems quite miserable here basically but he seems quite pleased with his work and success..they have twin sons who of course are also doing wonderfully as children always do...but she was so pleased to speak with me and just wanted "another few minutes" each time I said I had to leave...Ravin finally came and picked me up. We invited them here, but Ravin says his gut feeling is that they won't come...we shall see. (Note: Was he ever right!)

My general feeling these last couple of days is one of almost being in never-never land...nothing seems completely real...I am kind of drifting along , floating with no direction like a log on a river...but always with the flow of the current in the same direction. I am very lazy, doing some reading, listening to some music, last night even watched some TV with Ravin when his parents were out...but mostly just taking each minute as it comes and not thinking to much of "what will be"...I'm looking forward to walking up to the local shopping center and finding some other clothing...I have to remember to tell you about ironing...some interesting concepts and ways of thinking and understanding...cultures are so different and so interesting...being here with a family is a true eye-opener for me and I would never have gotten the same understanding of life in India without the blessing of this visit. I don't really know how I can properly thank these wonderful people for having me here...I will pay for a couple of his father's treatments of course and take them out for dinner at least once, but it seems inadequate...and our verbal communication is still limited due to language...and Indians are not free with physical shows of affection...I easily hugged Rachel yesterday most naturally before I left and she me in return, and I have this need to hug Ravin's parents but I feel it would be inappropriate...dont' know...will follow my instincts...

July 29, 2003 My First Time in a Pub! Ever!

2006-09-14T22:24:00.000+03:30

Well, another day has gone by and today I am actually putting everything straight into the computer...no go between hand writing...Yesterday was another long and fun day...I was originally supposed to go to the Desikachar Yoga center about 20 minutes from here, but then Ravin's mother, the "organizer", decided I would be in too much of a rush because I had to be back by 1 to eat lunch before my 3 o'clock massage...so I cancelled the appointment and made a new one for Wednesday. And then decided to go out shopping and called Rachel, the new Israeli lady I met here, and she met me and we went off to check out the local department store...Kind of like a small size Mashbir...(Macy's, whatever) . But the first worry here in the house was that is was a very hot day since the sun was shining and that I must take an umbrella and hat to keep the sun off me!. It is altogether a 5 minutes walk up to the corner, but they were all quite concerned. Well, truth of the matter is, my last walk in Tel Aviv when I went to pick up my tickets from El Al was 100 times worse...there is actually a cool breeze here and although it is muggy, it is not terrible. and there are plenty of trees lining the street so most of our walking was in the shade anyway. And I enjoyed seeing the sun for the first time since I left home!

The store was wonderful. First of all, it was air-conditioned...had forgotten how pleasant it is to come off a hot street and into an air conditioned building. They have absolutely beautiful clothing, both Indian and Western and a very large variety of designer type stuff which is "very" expensive...as much as 1400 rupees for a full set but 300-500 rupees for a nice top. So, I just prowled around yesterday looking with Rachel, but will go back and buy some other day. I will check out another shopping mall where I am going to check out a big bookstore Landmark and will check the styles and prices there also. There really is no need to have clothes sewn when such nice things are available ready made. And I know nothing about fabric so have no way of knowing if what I get from a fabric store is good or not etc. Ravin's mother is willing to come with me to a tailor but also recommended first seeing if I can get what I like ready made... I will also check out Anokhi when I get up to Delhi and probably also buy a couple of things there as well, since I have NOTHING which compares with the clothing I bought there and his mother said I will have a hard time finding quality fabric similar what they use in their clothing in any fabric store. She had never seen clothing from Anokhi and was quite impressed with the styling and quality of the cotton...she is, as her son says, "a woman who loves to spend money" ...she has champagne taste and it drives her son crazy since they must start budgeting for medical care and she refuses to change her life'...she wants to continue living "in the manner she has become accustomed to"...but I imagine it is very difficult to change a life style...many people at home in Israel have found themselves in the same place over the past couple of years with all the Hi Tech companies collapsing etc... Money is not everything, but it certainly makes life alot easier when you have it.

Well, enough of that...after that we went across the street, checked out a local hairdresser since I am still thinking about having my hair cut...I don't know if it is the water here, but my hair looks terrible all the time! On the other hand, it took me so long to grow it, I hate to cut it now. I'll wait a little longer and see. Then I saw a beautiful florist shop and went in and bought some flowers for Rita. Hope she likes them...I';m not so sure but it made me feel better that I was able to bring her something for all her hospitality.

Then I came home, ate lunch and again had my massage...This time we were careful not to get any oil on the burn area and also covered it for cleansing afterwards...

Then went to rest, read, listen to music talk to Ravin...we have fascinating conversations about so many topics...I am finding out so many things about different cultures, as he is...I was telling him about some things in daily life in Israel and he finally came to the conclusion that he could not live there. Wonder why? (Nothing to do with the security situation...just social etc.)

Then we decided to go out. At first he thought we would all go, his parents as well to Movin Pik (there is one of these in Dovrat (In Israel) as well) ...don't think I spelled it correctly...and have ice cream or coffee etc., but in the end we went off to a fancy bar in a fancy hotel. It was quite nice...I had beer (!) and we had some more pleasant conversation, laughed and just enjoyed the ambience...As most of you know, I NEVER go out to places like that and it was a novel experience for me sitting in a bar drinking and talking...and to think I had to come to India to do that! New things every day in life! Ravin is a wonderful companion and I will sadly miss his company when I leave him in a couple of weeks...

Now, while we were sitting there, he says you must go see the loo...they have got the most unusual sink! Well, always one for interesting sites, and after a beer I had to pee anyway, so went off to the loo....first of all, the lobby of the hotel was amazingly beautiful and unique...very simple but quite impressive with lots of glass, bamboo (enormous pieces), and unusual architecture etc...one wall of glass with water flowing behind it...just beautiful...don't know if I am describing it well...but it was quite impressive and well done and in very good taste. Well, I got to the loo, and immediately looked for the sink. And didn't find one! Along one wall were 3 faucets at some distance from each other, and then the whole length of the wall just a pale green frosted sheet of glass! OK..I went to pee and then curiously came over wondering how I could turn the water on...does the glass have a secret opening in it? does it cover the "real" sink?...couldn't figure it out...so, very hesitantly I turned on the water...it just pours straight onto the glass and then, because of a precise angling of the glass, runs off into what must be a drain system of some sort. Truly unique and quite clever...simple and practical....and very easy to keep clean...very interesting concept in design...Ravin was quite pleased to see my expression when I came back...

We stayed there for a while and then came home, dinner and quite late off to bed. And now it is this morning...I will be going to get my glasses checked today...

My Guides, Angels, God and Reality…Food, Yoga, First Rain and Burn

2006-09-14T22:13:00.000+03:30

Wed. July 30th
Hi all...good thing this computer has a date on it...I am really having trouble keeping track of the days, dates, even time...what luxury!

The days seem to creep along and yet at the same time it is as if I've been here for ages. Everything of my familiar life is far away-it's almost as if it has become without form...and I am now in a new reality. It is quite a strange feeling..All of a sudden the strange and unfamiliar has become the safe and comfortable. I still have my guides, angels, god, (the Universe remains sure and steady in it's ways)...with me as always and perhaps feeling so close and comfortable with THEM is what makes all of THIS feel so comfortable. Since I have only exchanged one physical reality for another but the essence of my world/my existence remains the same. I have not begun my inward journey yet and will not do that until I finish my trip with Ravin (I'm thrilled he is coming with me to Kerala...will make it all so much less intimidating)...right now I am on a pure vacation for the "fun of it" and enjoying every single moment.

I know when I start traveling things will get more difficult for awhile but I know I will not run around alot, and stay put in each new place until I feel the need to move on. Ravin sometimes worries that I am bored, but there is no feeling of boredom whatsoever. If I was feeling completely myself, I might have been doing more, but perhaps this is my message to "cool it"..."take it easy"..."there is time for everything"...I still need to do glasses-today I will check out the yoga place...I want to do some more shopping...will check out a big center with a Landmark tomorrow and Saturday Rita will take me to Fab India to hopefully get clothes.

Yesterday was a quiet day-very very hot-massage in the afternoon=lady suggested turning on the TV as she was doing the massage since she wanted to watch part II of a story which had started yesterday...As Ravin noted...quite "cheeky"...real chutzpah! Of course I played dumb and said I didn't know where the remote was since I never watch TV.

Lunch (food gets better each day...or I am getting more used to it but thoroughly enjoying every meal and just about everything put on the table for each meal)...some of the recent things being...Bisasabellabath-south Indian dish...dahl, ochre, onions/chola(chana) chickpeas in gravy/ papadum-deep fried rice cakes-crispy like potato chips/rajme=beans and gravy (all these gravy things are eaten over rice)....
Can't remember all the names but have been through dosas, roti's parantas of a couple of varieties, chapatis of course..the variety of bread things seems to be unlimited.

I didn't feel well in the morning so rested most of the day yesterday but evening we went out to buy frozen chicken for dinner and walked over to Rachels house..Ravin just wanted to say "hi"...I explained that saying hi would take at least 1 hour...he didn't believe me but he soon found out it was true. Anyway...eventually had dinner (not the chicken...his mother had prepared something similar to shakshuka, and just like shakshuka...too spicey for me...put lots of curd in so was able to eat some)...e-mail etc. and it was really hot and then all of a sudden a strong breeze began and you could smell rain coming - like at the end of a chamsin - I've waited 5 days to see rain here-it was quite pleasant when it started-not a deluge-just nice soft rain and of course it suddenly got very cool-I had already started with a runny nose (thanks to all the porridge I've been eating made with lots of milk) and was actually cold so I shut off the fan-then the mosquitoes found me=so turned the fan back on and it was cold...between the fan, no fan and mosquitoes and my stuffed up head, I got very little sleep. Had my massage at 7 this morning - breakfast (no porridge) and now am off to the yoga place. More later.

Well, it's now 3:30...went on the bike to the yoga place -about 20 minute ride. I am really getting to enjoy the bike...I'm no longer afraid, Ravin's quite a safe driver, there is a pleasant breeze and how else could I sit so close to a cute, sexy young guy and enjoy myself?

Got to the yoga place.. Krisnamayarta Yoga Madiran-after filling out a form I was ushered into Dr., Charnashaker who is in charge of therapy...He also diagnoses by pulse feeling-found out what my problems are and then I told him all about my yoga practices and performances. He was quite impressed that I actually knew anything at all about pranayama, bandas etc., as most westerners, even if they do practice yoga, only do asanas...and then asked me to demonstrate all that I do at the home and was even more impressed seeing me do my breathing, asanas, etc. correctly. Basically, he said I am doing all the right things for my body and added just one asana he felt was missing . Warrior-I told him I don't like it as it is too strenuous for me so he said "I’ll show you an Indian Warrior-not an Israeli one" and it is much more flowing and pleasant. Anyway...long story short-I was assigned to his "best" teacher=he gave her the special program he had drawn up for me (literally drew all the asanas and how he expects me to perform them-what breathing, bandas, etc) and then said I need only one or 2 lessons since I basically know how to do them...just to be sure I breathe correctly etc. Then I went to pay and get an "auto" home...I had already heard the other people before me paying 250 for diagnosis and 150 for classes so I knew how much it cost-or at least I thought I knew-I was charged $25(!) for the consultation and an additional $25 for each class...When I got home and told Ravin and his mother they were astounded. Ravin is planning call them. I am definitely not going back but at least I know I am basically doing things correctly. I have a very flexible and healthy body, etc)

Back home and before lunch, decided to have the burn checked as it seemed a little red to me around the edges and wanted to be sure...big mistake! The doc said it seems fine but just to be sure she will check. So she began pulling off the white sort of crusty layer to check that there was no pus...well it REALLY hurt, and I almost fainted.. Ravin thought this all quite amusing...all I could say was "What are YOU laughing at-it's all your fault" which was a reason for the doc and nurse to join into the amusement...Finally I had to lay down to keep from fainting...anyway...it's all over and now am taking 3 days of antibiotics and guess it will be fine. Ate a great lunch and am now resting. It is overcast today and lite drizzle once in a while so it is not hot at all and except for my cold, I am feeling quite energetic.

Impressions from my bike ride this morning....An Energy Drawing Me to India

2006-09-14T22:02:00.000+03:30

July 31, 2003

Color of the woman seems to offset and distract from the stark reality you see, and almost breathe in with each breath. There is much harshness around, but the neat pyramid shaped piles of fruit in the market catch your eye and excite your taste buds. Pomegranates, apples, papaya, mango, pineapple, oranges, plums, grapes, and endless variety and endless number of merchants plying their wares laid out on mats on the street. The contrast between the old and new city is palpable and the contrast between the structural beauty of the buildings, offices, railroad stations etc. in THIS part of the city...and the pitiful thatched roofed one room structures which serve as homes for many in the same area...

I cannot explain why but the bike ride today to the optometrist left me with the feeling that if I was plunked down in the middle of India and had to live here, I could be at peace and feel at home. I am definitely NOT of this place. I am a foreigner,,, ,but I feel an energy drawing me to this place-even more powerfully than my first trip. And I am only in a city right now...I doubt I could survive here on my own as I so easily do in Israel-this is a man's country and any single woman would probably have a difficult time--especially a foreigner. I imagine even a foreign couple would have many difficulties navigating through the layers of Indian culture and tradition -probably the best way to live here is as part of a community or at least with a local man as your protector and guardian (no, I am not looking for anyone here-just stating a fact)
My cold is in full form today-(it is now 11:30 at night after coming home for Rachel and Zvika's house where we sat for several hours and had a great time talking about the differences between Israel and Indian and comparing funny stories about India, including Ravin...and ate Shakshuka and chocolate cake and had just a great time....and my cold seems to have gotten over the hump and hope to sleep well tonight)...probably the worst will be over by tomorrow-Ravin actually asked me this morning-I must have looked terrible "Are you SURE you can travel in India?" But this is the same thing that happens every time I go to a new place-not just India-was sick on my trip to Kenya-was sick in Greece, was sick my last time here the first couple of weeks and I even get sick just going down to Eilat...I guess it's the price I pay for the pleasure of traveling....it doesn't change my mood however...just annoys me that I can't do everything I want to.

Last nite we had chiken Biryani that Ravin's father prepared...outstanding! But if you ask for the recipe forget it...he cooks the same thing only once-never remembers exactly what goes into it...so each meal is a delightful surprise (Ravin says not always "delightful")

We went today to get my glasses done-Ravin took me to the wholesale district in the old city where he says he NEVER goes-the eye guy usually just comes to their house - But he took me. From the scene outside on the street you would not imagine what you find inside. Except for the pictures of Indian gods on the wall and garlands of flowers strung across-it looks no different than any similar business in Israel. Had my eyes examined with the same computerized method as my guy at home just got recently. My prescription changed slightly and I chose a really really nice frame. Latest in fashion I was told. I'm quite pleased and if they are goo once they are on my face, may get another pair. I know the techniques used for checking focus on multi focal, and it was no different here than any place else I've been. Of course the frames I chose were twice as much as the ones I first chose-actually not cheap at all-but the whole business comes to 6000 rupees instead of 4000 shekel I'd pay at home. And ever more, I got them cheap even by Indian standards-in the high class neighborhood shop, they said I would have paid 12000 or more. (Note: In the end, as usual, cheap is expensive as I would soon discover)

I've got to get to sleep today...it's been another long and quite pleasant day...it is going to be hard to leave here...between Ravin and his family and the wonderful food and pleasant home atmosphere, and my new friends down the block..this is really starting to feel quite like home. Tomorrow I want to go to a big shopping center..perhaps Rachel will come with me...if not...I don't mind going alone.

Do you have any idea how many trees you are using to blow your nose?

2006-09-14T21:50:00.000+03:30

Friday August 1st

Can't beleive it is august already!!!

This will be quick for now-feeling much better-now the cleansing has started and I guess I will go through many rolls of paper for my nose before it is done. But it is a good feeling to know that whatever "garbage" my body has accumulated will be cleansed and I can start fresh...many months of high stress levels, not sleeping well, and worry can play havoc with your whole immune system...now things will get back to healthy finally.But here it is almost embarrasing-no one can beleive the amount I blow my nose!...Also, (and forgive me if I have already written this-but this old brain is getting slower and slower by the year)...The problem with the toilet paper here is not the cost, or that it is better to wash clean etc....As Ravin commented" Do you have any idea how many trees you are using to blow your nose? If all the western world would stop wiping their asses, do you know how many trees would be saved each year?"

Just think about it! INteresting food for thought

Anyway-My massage was postponed until 3 (lady caught a cold-wonder from who) and I went this morning with Rachel to one of the shopping centers called Spencer';s Plaza-It looks like any mall in any big city with really nice, expensive shops that most people can't afford..but ALSO, a row of market "shuk" type stores open fronts where the guys stand there and call you in "come see madam-no buy just look"...and they spot you a mile away and come after you. I find this more an amusement than an annoyance and just smile and say "Good day to you too" "How are you?"..."I am fine" etc...and walk on.
I saw nicer clothing in the first shop I went to here near the house but DID see "normal" jeans. In Israel today the jeans are all low cut below waist-belly button out and only young slender girls can wear them well. I need regular old lady high cut jeans which show off the good parts but hide what needs to be hidden.
Saw really nice jeans and Rachel convinced me to try them on and to my surprise they fit beautifully. She convicne me however to try on a smaller size and decided I look great in them-soooooooo.....I bought 2 of the smaller size in light blue and faded black (can never find these at home) and one larger size for when I get "fat" again(weighed myself last night...I[ve already gained over a kilo...even if the scales are different, that's still alot!). Each pair was 600 rupees - 60 shekel!!
So this is the beginning fo my package home. Eventually we got to the Landmark shop which is housewares, linens, discs, etc., but mainly BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS...I got so confused seeing so many titles on so many topics I would like to buy that I just decided to leave it for another day! Ravin says this is the biggest book store in Asia so you can imagine..It's no Barnes and Noble but quite praise worthy. Anyway..I will go back one day and stock up and ship home.

Then we had coffee and came home, ate lunch and now am waiitng for my massage....

Later, I called the yoga place to cancel my appt. and they asked me why and I said it is too expensive so they said "well, why didn't you tell us yesterday?" I said I did..."Well, you should go speak to the director-we are not looking to make money here-only teach yoga" "So you come, take class, then go speak to director"...So I said "no, first you tell me price". So she said she would call me back today and she DID and said "Come-director says first class is free-you come take class and if you want second class-1/2 price"
So I will go for my first lesson (not really free-already paid $23) and then not go back...that's all for now...some more great stories but we are leav ing for a 2 day trip in a few minutes and have to go eat and leave...will write more when I get back on Monday

The Weather and The Mosquitoes

2006-09-14T21:04:00.000+03:30

Just a few notes and comments before I continue:

Mentioned to Ravin that the weather seems to have changed for the better, or perhaps I've just gotten use to it...he replied that the weather is exactly the same...but that I HAVE begun to get used to it!. Seems my hair is also getting used to it as it looks a little better than when I first got here and for now am not cutting it...enjoying being able to put it up if I want to, even it is not the most flattering to my face...I have no one to impress here...so I can dress and look as I feel most comfortable.

Mosquitoes: Don't let anyone tell you the mosquito problem here is terrible. I do not know of any house in Israel where there are no screens where you could leave all doors and windows open all day and not be infested with mosquitoes. Here, everything is open all the time, each room has a ceiling fan, there are these little electric mosquito repellent things in each room, and no mosquito is seen. And outdoors I put on repellent but there is nothing in comparison to the amount of mosquitoes which plague me in Israel!

Rickshaw Hassles and Guys at Israeli Folkdancing -What do They Have in Common?

2006-09-14T21:00:00.000+03:30

August 4th-Monday

Last I wrote was just before we left on Saturday for Mahabalipurum...I will now have to catch up on all that happened since then and hope I will manage today, but doubt it...any any rate...want to just return to last week and the previous entry with a small story which is typical India...it is something which annoys many people, but I just find it a part of life here...and I've come to realize that it is not directly specifically at tourists, but locals themselves have these hassles as well..perhaps not on the same scale, but it is defintiely a part of the local scene ....
As you remember, I was shopping with Rachel and we came out of the shopping mall to go home and of course needed a rickshaw. So we go out into the street and a whole line of "autos" are lined up. We go to the first and Rachel says "harrington Road...how much?"
-45 rupees
-no...30
-35
-no 30-
-OK 30---come...which place on harrington?
-last
-so 35
-no 30
-ok-30

Then a different guy comes running over to drive the rickshaw and as he gets behind the wheel he says:
-I take you to nice shop
-NO SHOP!
-so...40 rupees

So we start to get out of the "auto" and he says: OK, OK, 30 rupees but just see shop!

So again we start to get out of the "auto":

-OK, OK ...30 rupees no shop

and with that the original driver gets back in!

This stuff is really funny for me since I am rarely disappointed-Foreigner? They will try to con you...not in any aggressive way but they will try-if it works OK, if not, OH, well.

Reminds me of the guys at folkdancing in Israel. They always "start" with you after 2-3 weeks of dancing with them. Once I asked a guy if he starts with every woman he dances with and he said "yes". Asked why...answer was "Why not? I have nothing to loose - 10 woman say no but one will always say "yes", and then I've got it made, so why not try?"

Same with the rickshaw guys here-WHY NOT TRY?

New Type of Massage Described

2006-09-14T20:45:00.000+03:30

Now, I'd like to describe the new type of massage I am getting for the second half of my treatment. The idea is that the first week, it was a simple ayurveda massage, and my back and neck started to hurt at the end of the week, so she said it was deep seated which had finally risen to the surface and she spoke to the doctor and he recommended the next stage of massage for the second week.

So it goes like this.

First of all, you cannot use the fan in the room, so the entire process becomes quite hot. You will understand why no fan in just a minute. She comes with a "primus" stove...the old type kerosene stoves used to cook many years ago in Israel as well...like a camping cooker but with Kerosene instead of the gas balloon....and of course with this open fire, a fan would not be a very good idea.
The windows are open to let the kerosene smell out...then she has her regular hot oils, but also two cloth bags tied with string containing special herbs which she places in the hot oil on the stove . She heats them and then uses them alternately, switching as each cools down, to first softly pound and tap critical places on your body, and then finally the heated bag is held in each specific place for as long as I can stand the heat...which is intense. This is repeated over and over and over for more than 1/2 hour. And this is going on now for a full week until the end of my treatment. I love it and am really enjoying the pampering and assume it will also do something for my various arthritis pains over the long run. But only time will tell...

Comments on the Train Stations Down South

2006-09-14T20:41:00.000+03:30

So quiet and orderly-

Couple of hundred people here at least but queues are formed in orderly rows determined by the SEATS which are set up in lines from the counters out into the hall. Each person moves up one seat as his turn moves up. Better yet, there is a queue for women, disabled and senior and it is very short-all the others are very very long, and people are just sitting quietly waiting....no shouting, no pushing, no shoving...nothing like the madness in Delhi and much quieter than such a place would be in Israel. You can also check availalility of the train you want (you have to know train number and name and these are listed on a table hanging on the wall) for different grades of seats before you fill in the reservation forms which are in holder along one wall. This you hand over to the clerk at the window who checks everything against the computerized system...so orderly. We were able to get on the women's line and we were done chick chack...very quickly...I was able to get a 2AC lower berth to Kodai for the 18th the earliest.The weekend before is Independence day and the trains are very full right now. So I will be here longer than I originally planned but I am perfectly happy with the prospect.

Insights Into Indian Family Life and Cultural Norms

2006-09-14T20:36:00.000+03:30

The other day, there was some kind of hassle between Ravin and his parents, and when he came back into the room where I was sitting, he looked both devastated and angry at the same time...and I had never seen emotions in Ravin so I was quite surprise. Initially when I asked him, he said it's nothing, but then I became insistent on knowing as I thought perhaps it something to do with me and was quite uncomfortable. He assured me that it had absolutely nothing to do with me and it was standard for him and his parents ..he must get a job he must get married...but his father went so far as to say, if you don't get married because you have to take care of me, I will stop my dialysis...that is one serious form of parental blackmail, believe me. His father doesn't see it as such, he just sees it as worry about his son who is giving up his own personal life to care for him...

At any rate, at one point, Ravin's father called me to come and speak to him and I couldn't understand why.. Ravin had probably said something that I felt uncomfortable about continuing to stay here at this difficult time for them...he called ,me into the room and assured me, in a very gentle and loving way, that they are thrilled that I am here, I should give no thought to changing my plans, and never feel that I am in any way a problem for them...he spoke so lovingly and gently, that if cultural things had not gotten in the way, I would have easily hugged him. Once I got back into the room I began to cry and Ravin was quite taken aback.. I was really overwhelmed by my emotions as this sweet gentle, intelligent man is very ill and probably does not have many more years to live...and I felt the pain of good people in bad situations. Not only that, in many ways he reminds me of my own father...basically shy and unable to express emotions in words, but warm, and gentle and loving and sociable at the same time....His mother on the other hand is quite a difficult, dominating, demanding, controlling woman and I agree with Ravin that NO woman would be able to come and live here with her as a daughter-in-law and he is really in a bad position. I doubt he will get married any time in the near future and this is very difficult, if not impossible for his parents to accept...I hope at least he finds a job, although he is not too keen on going back into a hi-pressured job...which is what he probably will wind up doing in the end...with all the pressures he has at home, it will be quite difficult for him. A true no win situation...too bad...they are all good people caught up in a very difficult situation, much of it having to do with cultural norms.

I am a temporary guest passing through their lives and still being asked to influence him to get married...but obviously I cannot do that...he needs to live his own life in the limited way his circumstances allow...he's got girlfriends now and then, and many friends on chats where he spends hours a day...I think he is also enjoying the opportunity of having someone else in the house to talk to...at any rate, perhaps that is the reason I was sent here...to somehow ease the very tense situation in this house...certainly not a healthy situation for anyone involved...

I myself am most enjoying myself here however and the truth is it will be quite hard to leave...but I will do it when the time comes and also enjoy getting off on my own...I am very much alone here also, but still obligated to family meal times etc.

August 5-6, 2003-Home Alone with Just Mummyji and Papaji

2006-09-14T20:25:00.000+03:30

Yesterday we got back from our weekend, and for some reason I was very very tired all day and had a heavy head...I had thought of getting the last few days of my journal off but really had no strength to do it..it was also very warm last night and in the end I went to sleep early and woke up feeling better this morning. So I think today I will just take it easy. Ravin is going out for a job interview sometime today and also this evening out to dinner with friends, so I will have access to the computer quite a lot. I imagine I will get the whole journal caught up with today, and the rest of the day just hang out and read and listen to music which I haven't done for some time...will just get down here a few thoughts from yesterday and this morning and then go and start catching up.

Maid went out yesterday for a couple of hours and hasn’t turned up yet. They say she does this fairly often. So, last nite we had "take away" and most of it I couldn't eat but I did manage some stuff which even a week ago I would not have been able to so things are looking up. Ravin's father remembered they had some apple jam in the house, so I topped it all up with toast and butter and jam...I was quite happy!

Maid didn't get back by this morning either so I went into the kitchen and found "papa" preparing breakfast! Last night it was the most natural thing for me to start clearing the table, but Rita would hear nothing of it...and this morning I could have easily prepared myself, and anyone else who wanted some breakfast, but realized it would not be allowed so didn't even suggest...this morning, when I started to clear off again, same response but I just continued and cleared off as much as I could...

Last night I slept early and did my regular morning today for the first time in several days...and it really starts my day off properly...But I have had a heavy head since yesterday and still do this morning. I realized finally that I simply have not been drinking enough and must be more careful with that ...will keep a full bottle with me at all times like I do at home...More later

Well, it is now Wednesday and I will finish this up...I've been drinking alot and am already feeling much better. Really did nothing much yesterday...good day just to relax..had my usual massage....Ravin went out last night with friends and I was left alone with his parents for the first time...no problem, but then came dinner time...and for the first time I really ate too much and paid the price all night. I had the usual little of this little of that, and there was a roti filled with cheese, and without being asked I was also served an egg...I managed to finish everything and eat my curd, when Rita asked for another roti...thought it was for her...then she said..."eat" and I simply couldn’t'...she gave half to Ravin's father who was ever so please...I think he mostly doesn't eat them for health reasons...and then again insisted that I take the other half...well, to avoid a hassle I did, but it was hard going. And when I went to sleep my stomach really started in on me...felt bloated, and my stomach actually hurt which is new for me since I rarely overeat. And then I also got heartburn...I used the ginger which helped but then finally got up and took Tums which also helped...but still woke up feeling really bad this morning. So I simply asked for an apple for breakfast which I received to surprised looks. Then Ravin also gave me an ayurveda stomach pill...I must comment on the ayurveda stuff...everything I've gotten so far for common problems have worked remarkably well and fast...cough syrup which immediately turned a potential dry and persistent cough into a soft cough overnight...some prickly heat powder which immediately started to heal the heat sores I have on my bum...and now the stomach thing which worked in less than an hour...

Just one more observation from our ride to and from Mahabalipuram....driving through Chennai you see one after another institutes of higher learning and medical facilities and research facilities...the people they produce are demanded world wide in all fields...and then eventually we got to an hi-tech industrial park called Tidal Park which could compete with any modern park of this type anywhere in the world...and DIRECTLY across the street from it, along a dirty stream of sorts, are the shacks I described in a previous mail ....the contrast is so astounding as to be surreal....but this is India!

Aug. 7, 2003 The Universality of Music and “Can Tradition and Modernization Co-Exist?”

2006-09-14T20:17:00.000+03:30

It is now 6:30 AM and I am sitting here waiting for Cicily for my massage- Had a good night's sleep, peaceful-Last night Ravin decided to copy all of my music (except for the Hebrew) to his hard disc...2 MP3"s with a large variety of music on them and 1 MP3 with meditation and relaxation stuff.
After it was on his computer we started going through it to see what he could actually use and enjoy and relate to. Some days ago he showed me music he has that someone sent him and there were several Western things there, a couple by Leonard Cohen, Bryan Adams and Nick Cave. He wanted to play something for me which he thought I might like and wondered it I knew the song...so he played "Let it Be" (!) sung by Nick Cave...He didn't realize that there is probably no Westerner who does not know "Let it Be" by heart- I told him that it was a Beatles hit originally (which he did not believe to be true) and many artists have remade it since then. To prove it I decided to find the Beatles original on my cd's and play it for he...(he of course liked the Nick Cave better since he is used to it)...and that's how the whole thing of copying began. After copying, we started going through it...most of my music he would not appreciate (many people do not...I have lots of 60's and broadway musicals etc. there-but also a very large variety of music of all genres, styles, from the 1940's up to the present day) but a few things we already found that he enjoyed...He even knew "Blowin' in the Wind" by Peter Paul and Mary...He liked BB King's "Stand by Me" and when I played "Aquarius Let the Sunshine In-which is one of MY all time favorites-imagine swaying to it's rhythm with Indian body dance movements...Fascinating!

We can eventually learn to appreciate many types of music...but in the end we will always favor the music we know from childhood...and of course what he gets the most pleasure out of is Indian music...He will slowly go through my music and delete the completely useless stuff and get to know the rest...it will be an interesting experience, much like my learning to pick and choose Mizrachi (Oriental) Hebrew music over my years in Israel. In the beginning I couldn't bear any of it, and today I love much of it! Hmmmmmm...gives me an idea...maybe I will play some of it for Ravin...as he noted "Hebrew music is different!" Different than what? All music is different from other music...that's the beauty of music.....I guess he means different than Indian sound and regular western sounding music..., Music is said to be a universal language but what WE consider classical music will not necessarily "move" the hearts and souls of other cultures...Makes you think!

This country has become Westernized in many many ways-advertising, hi-tech-computers-home appliances, science etc., etc.-but at it's roots it is NOT Western. and this is probably for the best. Tradition does not have to be thrown away for modernization to take place-they can co-exist...

I wrote about this during my first trip here as well...and was quite impressed with the Indians ability to combine the two...which we seem to have completely lost in Israel. Food and music here have remained as they always were...not like Israel where the West has invaded even the strongholds of music and food...Indian music is heard and recognized and appreciated and is distinct all over the world. Much of modern day Hebrew music -when it is listened to at all...is just regular rock, rap etc. with Hebrew lyrics...Nothing distinct at all about it. Quite sad actually-

Modernization does not have to mean the complete loss of roots and ethnic identity - one of the beautiful things about India for example, is the distinct dress of the women- there are modern young women who have adopted completely western dress including tight tops and skin tight jeans...but I doubt it will ever disappear ...I imagine that 98% of all Indian women still dress in colorful saris or sharwal Kameeze and they do it with such finesse...I had thought to purchase a few for my journey here (full sharwal kameeze including scarf) but realized it is "not me" and would "point a finger at me as a foreigner" even more than the modified version I have bought-without scarf and shorter kameeze (top) called a Kurta than traditionally worn... I find the scarf quite cumbersome (Note: I have since, after my next journey, gotten quite used to it and even wear it sometimes at home and receive many compliments on my unique style of dressing.) I have no idea how the Indian women can wear it even during manual labor, house cleaning, laundry etc-with no problem whatsoever...it is something learned from childhood and becomes second nature I imagine!

I tried on a couple of full length sharwal kameeze and they really did not look right on me even though they were beautiful garments...nor did I feel comfortable. So for now I have given up the idea and just bought stuff which I could comfortably wear at home in Israel as well.

Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks that I am here, and as I anticipated and predicted-this is just about the period of time I personally need to acclimatize and for my body and spirit to adjust to the new energies here. My cold is at it's tail end and just a cold sore still there to remind me. I've become completely comfortable with the weather and find it no problem to cope with whatsoever, despite the distinct lack of AC. As a matter of fact, these ceiling fans are magnificent and would save much electricity in Israel if people would use them...(Can you imagine Israelis giving up their AC???) I'm also completely used to wearing long pants and t-shirt around the house instead of my tank tops and shorts or skimpy dresses...I still become my usual lethargic self around 3 PM or so and just feel like sleeping for awhile-but my face has lost that haggard drawn look and I'm back to my old energetic self-particularly in the morning hours-If I was already up in the mountains I'd be walking each day for a couple of hours for sure...

I think once I finish my massages this Saturday, and hopefully go away for another weekend...I will have to find something to do for the rest of the week until I leave...I really should get back to doing my Yoga which I have been very bad about since I got here...

Well, it's just morning and this entry is quite long so I will end it now...nothing of interest expected to happen for the rest of the day (but in India you never know)..

Stuff: Including Clever Idea for Screening Windows and Raksha Bandhan

2006-09-14T18:29:00.000+03:30

August 13, 2003

Haven't written since Saturday before we left for Mahabalipuram again and now it is already Wednesday. So I will slowly begin filling things in since then as best as I can remember...had no desire to write in my journal this past weekend...in addition, I have many many thoughts and comments which I am going to have to put down on paper...my not do that until I get to Kodai..don't know...right now I have a few days left in Chennai, and as usual, things always get left for the last minute...In addition, my sandals "broke" in half in Mahabalipuram over the weekend...my rubber soled Shoresh sandals, the sole on one of them just broke in half at the "bend" place. A local shoemaker glued them and sewed it together but said it won't last for more than a week...I had considered buying new ones before I left, but hated to spend the money. So now I will have to go look for new sandals here and hope I will find something suitable for my feet...the only other shoes I have here are my hiking boots! That's another thing I have to do now. Also have to go buy some CD's with Ravin, go see the banyan tree here, perhaps the beach as well and now , last night, finally got my glasses delivered, but as usual with this multi-focal stuff, there are problems...have had this hassle in Israel also and hope it can be worked out before I leave. The glasses themselves are really nice though and look great on my face....but the whole computer area seems to be convex, like I see everything as if it is round and sloping off at the edges...had trouble finding my plate at breakfast and trouble walking, but these things should sort themselves out...the big problem is that although my prescription basically did not change, I cannot read at all with these glasses so perhaps there was a mistake in making them. The guy asked me to try them for one day and tonight he will come back and check again...hope it will be OK.

Again, always pleasant to come back "home" after being away. Ravin had asked me to have a "heart to heart" with his parents about their pressuring him in his life choices, particularly his choice not to get married right now. THEY seem to think I can influence him, and HE seems to think I can influence them, and I come away thinking it is quite futile...but I do my best...perhaps something will change in this very complicated situation after this "strange stranger" has spent a few weeks with them...time will tell...but I certainly hope so for all of their sakes....

Back to the weekend now..will try to do my best and catch up...

Sunday, 11th August
Ravin got so "disturbed" at not seeing me writing all the time, as he has become used too it, that he decided to start an entry himself and wrote the following before getting tired (but then at least I was "shamed" into continuing for awhile):
"Left after dad's dialysis and the last massage of jane with Cicily-so that's a chapter closed now but am sure she will be back for a massage soon"

That's his contribution!

We've been here )Mahabalipurum-2nd time) for 2 days now and yesterday was the first time since I got to India that I really suffered from the heat-Ravin did as well-everyone here was just wilting. Really could have used AC yesterday. We went down for a walk on the beach yesterday after breakfast and it was already very hot. As it was unplanned, I did not wear my bathing suit nor put on sunscreen. I'm getting nice color anyway but yesterday the back of my neck even got slightly burnt. The sea here is the Bay of Bengal and open and rough, as the sea was in Gush Katif. I strolled as I enjoy always along the water's edge but the waves are quite unpredictable, with no apparent rhythm...they pound in very heavily and suddenly and soon was wet up to my underpants...I rolled up the pant's legs but it didn't really help. I would have enjoyed myself much more if I had my suit on as the pants became quite heavy when dripping with water. At some point the sun got very strong and we eventually headed back. We were really overheated-out too long in the sun which was, in a rarely seen here clear blue sky, quite oppressive. And I'm sure it was well above 36 degrees by then.
We've been doing lots of walking here but yesterday we were kind of limited due to the heat. Today seems better so far (false impression as the day progressed it became quite oppressive again...) I hope to get into the water this afternoon (never managed, we were unable to move from our room and later on the rooftop where we, and the other guests, were able to get some air to breathe)...Yesterday afternoon when we decided to attempt the beach again, I was all ready in my suit with something to sit on, water to drink etc., when 1/2 way up the beach Ravin started feeling unwell. so the rest of the day was devoted to pampering, worrying, healing and rest and relaxation. We both slept well last nite despite the heat and hope to enjoy the rest of this day today. I am starting to get restless only because that is me...and I guess it is time to be off on my own...the timing has been perfect however and these extra few days in Chennai are just perfect...there are a few more things I need to do with Ravin and next Sunday/Monday am off to Kodai. Looking forward to the cool of the mountains.

I know for sure that I am not a beach person. Have not been since childhood-although I clearly remember traveling with my mother and brothers for the long train haul from Bellerose I guess to Brighton Beach with bags full of clothing and towels and buying food Brighton Beach Ave before heading down for a day on the beach and then the long ride home. Don't know how my Mother did it with 3 small kids but she IS a beach person and guess it was worth it for her. And then all the years we lived by the shore later on, spending months on the beach with my friends-especially Arlene and turning cocoa brown by the end of the summer. This is when the sun was still considered "good for you". Today I know that this is definitely not my natural environment and enjoy it as much as possible but am not into really going to look for a good beach to spend more time on...I love listening to the soothing sound of the waves...one of the most beautiful musical sounds of nature, but enjoy it if I am lying on a blanket in the shade or in the cool of winter on a clear sunny day.
I think I am ready to begin my inward journey. I have been fortunate this time to be slowly and painlessly settled into India in the comfortable surroundings of home and now have the physical energies I need to continue.
I imagine Ravin is also beginning to feel the stress of a guest who he would of course wish to please at all times. It is not easy as we all know to worry about someone who is "your responsibility".
We walked around the whole town this morning-it is a simple town, cleaner than McLeod but smaller also. We went up the back roads and the people are friendly and happy and smile at you although up near the Temple (5000 years old) are of course the mandatory rows of shops, beggars, touts etc. Went out alone last night and again was approached much more often with "come see" than I am when I walk with Ravin. But I don't mind. I actually looked in a few shops and saw a nice bag which perhaps I will go back to buy today if the final price suits me...
Ravin has asked me to do him a favor and speak to his parents on his behalf and see if I can get them to stop pressing him re: marriage and of course his mother expects me to do the opposite. Hope I can appease both sides. Like Aaron... "Ohev Shalom V'Rodef Shalom"...Love peace and pursue it....If this is my reason for being sent here, so be it. Ravin has also decided to stop smoking (didn't stick to it for very long!!-today is Wed..smoking as usual) which would also be good for him. So many months of inactivity and stress and the smoking have not done his health any good. A change is definitely in order.

Up to the room now to rest on my swing. Haven't described it yet-great room for just a drop more than the dump we had last week-200 rups and they have hanging outside the room a rattan swing/chair shape kind of oval thing-like a sliced open egg shape and it is quite lovely as I love to swing on anything, swing, hammock, whatever.

There is also a very clever contraption here which would be a wonderfully cheap thing in Israel for people who move from one rented house to another and find themselves without screens. A kind of very lightweight plastic fabric made into screening material is cut to fit the window and the window frame INSIDE the room is lined with one side of velcro and the "screen" with the other velcro side. Then, when you want to open or close the window, you simply peel away the corner and then stick it back.. Quite clever.

During this stay we met lots of really nice people but will write about them in another entry when I write impressions etc. This week was a full moon festival called Raksha Bandhan which means bond of protection where each sister gives her brother a string to wrap around his wrist to tell of her love for him and the brother gives the sister money. Good thing Shai doesn't live in India...he'd be getting the raw end of a deal for sure...his arm would be covered with strings and he'd be out alot of money!!!

So there in Mahabalipuram there was music blasting quite late into the night and in early morning we were awakened to the same music plus live drum beating....the next day was also hot but by Tuesday morning, the day we left in the afternoon, the weather was nice again and I finally got down to the sea to bathe. Trouble was, the sea is not only rough, it has a terrific undertow and even going in up to my knees was quite frightening. Ravin stood on shore taking my picture, not coming near the water...and I frolicked for awhile and then sat to just rest. If the others days had not been so hot, it would have been quite nice to spend more time at the beach.

Aside from the tourists we met and many interesting conversations, Ravin also taught me an India card game which we played, and we mostly just lazied around. Came home yesterday afternoon and so now we are quite caught up...

A nice long entry will be forthcoming as soon as I can get my head together to it, as these type of entries are the ones I truly enjoy, but require more thought and time.

Contrasts – The Unexpected is the Norm! Street Scenes, Coffee Shops and Indian Ladies

2006-09-14T18:09:00.000+03:30

Hi all,
It is now almost 11 AM and Ravin went this morning for a job interview and I decided to be dropped off alone to look for shoes-but no shoe shops in this exclusive area except for designer shoes-certainly do not sell what I need-so walked up to the main road and actually walked quite casually and comfortably among the cars, bikes, rickshaws-but found no shoe stores and was getting quite hot so headed back to this fancy little street-lined with all types of designer shops, same place we were at when we went to Cotton House last week and that same nice coffee shop.

This is a very exclusive area and the contrasts persists-Garbage from fancy villas is still dumped by the maids directly onto the road side for collection-no bins of any type..so depending on when you walk up the block you may see a pleasant, fairly clean street with even a kind of sidewalk and trees etc., or you may see the roads strewn with fresh garbage-Quite difficult for me to reconcile!..even when the roads are fairly clean they compare to the areas in Israel where there is an open market like mahane Yehuda, Shuk HaCarmel, even a local shuk like netanya or Hadera, so clean is a truly relative word here...

I am now sitting in another coffee shop called Barristers-quite western-menu lists:cappuccino, caffe mocha, caffe latte, grande, espresso italiano, americano, latte bianca, caffe borgia, etc. and there are nice little sandwiches, fuccacha, cookies in glass jars, muffins of all sorts-the decor is any good coffee shop anywhere in the world-I have chosen to sit on a a side sofa and relax while waiting and am sipping a lovely ice coffee-strong and quite enjoying the AC for a change. By Indian standards it is not cheap-coffee ranges from 20 for a small espresso up to 80 for special stuff and what I have is 33 rupees. I am taking home a tray place mat explaining all the types of coffee and how they are made (note: one of those things which never made it home this trip!)

I am also trying to get used to my new glasses-making an effort but so far it is difficult.

The thing with the contrasts here, true juxtaposition--sitting inside here and looking out the window at the street scenes-is something completely accepted by Indians as normal-they see nothing unusual about any of this
Just as I find it amazing to see a woman dressed in a beautiful silk fabric garment, lovely enough for any evening affair-streaking past my view on a motorcycle,, or a barefoot child in rags walking alongside a 4x4 highly polished beautiful maroon colored recreation vehicle which I wouldn't mind owning myself-

A woman walked in now with what are obviously VERY expensive clothes, Indian style dress-not western-designer leather pocket book, designer coiffure and manicured hands and pedicured feet-if you have money here you really can live well-I feel really "scrumpy" sitting here with her nearby-she is quite "classy" compared to me.

I find that all Indian woman, rich or poor, have a way of carrying themselves-some inborn finesse or way of holding themselves- that makes all of them "classy" in a very feminine way, no matter what they are wearing (as long as it is Indian dress)

There are moments when I think the ideal life for me would be to live here for 6 months and spend the other 6 months at home with my family and friends.

Just saw a sign in the coffeee shop for "no smoking" which says:
"The only thing you should inhale here is the aroma of fresh coffee"

I would love to take pictures of the billboards here but I am always on the bike and cannot manage it. Very clever, and gentle but pointed advertising.

Another young woman just walked in dressed in "western clothes" very stylish slacks and sleeveless man-tailored shirt-quite nice-but something is missing-it in no ways compares to the beauty, to the elegance of the sari or even the more popular shalwar kameeze. Quite a shame. But I doubt it will ever make any big inroad in the fashion taste of the majority of India women. I certainly hope not.

By the way-in the background on the TV is a music channel-Indian dancing at it's best-done to the kareoke sountrack from Shrek!! Talk about contrasts...it never ends here...the unexpected is the norm. I love this place!!

Just saw another sign here:
"Drugs, racism, OUTSIDE FOOD-just some of the things we are strongly against"

Ok...now to wait for Ravin...

Shoe Shopping, Jasmine for My Hair and Indian Women

2006-09-14T18:07:00.000+03:30

Well, it is now Thursday and we are going out soon to check these eyeglasses and then to have my palm read, but let's get back to the shoes yesterday.

Poor Ravin! The majority of men do not like shopping, especially with women, and this was actually the first time Ravin did something like this. For those of you who know me well, you know how difficult it is for me to find shoes that fit my feet...little did he know what he was in for! I tried to explain that where my feet are concerned, I cannot try and save money and must have only the best...if he would have believed me at the beginning, we could have saved some running around, but he insisted on first taking me to a bargain shoe place and of course there was nothing there for me...then two other places where we hit a blank...finally we wound up at the shopping mall I originally wanted to go to and of course there were not only shoe stores but sporting goods shops also...I easily found several which were suitable, but either they were too wide, as usual, or they did not have my size etc. Then he took me to an Indian shoe shop called Woodlands I think.......(all of a sudden forgot the name...but he will be back soon and I will ask) and they had FABULOUS sports type sandals, but unfortunately, they were not narrow enough for my foot...they were extremely comfortable and you could see were very sturdy.

So then we went back to the sport shops and finally, in one, found a perfect fit, width, color etc. for my feet...Reebock's for only 89 shekel! I'm sure they are manufactured here but who cares...there were Nike's but they were the same price as in Israel and even Rockport but I was not interested in paying so much money and now have a perfectly comfortable and weather resistant sandal for the rest of my trip for a ridiculously low price.

Yesterday before we went out for the shoes, one of the maids came in with a jasmine garland in her hair...many women wear them here, and I commented on how beautiful it was, so she said she would get me one ....and sure enough, this morning, the day maid came in with a garland for my hair which she pinned in for me, and I walked around the whole difficult morning with the amazing smell of fresh jasmine accompanying me all the way. When I got home, and took my hair down to rest, I tied it onto , my wrist and the smell is still wafting its way to my nose and into my body and bringing me much joy with it's wonderful aroma...

I will end this now and continue with the next entry...the stories are beginning to pile up and I am finding it difficult to put them all down in writing...so I've made notes for myself as I truly want this journal to reflect the experience as it flowed for me....not necessarily every place I saw or visited, but the things I felt during each experience...I still find myself thrilling to the simple thing of just biking through the streets and seeing the scenes of daily life here...the dress of the women still fascinates me...I think I would never get tired of looking at the infinite variety in pattern, color, style and imagination which goes into the same basic design of the shalwar kameeze. Wish there was someway I could wear it so well. I've even seen pregnant women in saris who still walk beautifully and carry themselves with grace and ease...none of the "waddling" we are so used to seeing in Western women,....

And then of course if the test of survival I go through each time we head out on the bike. If I have survived the numerous rides on the bike through the thick pollution of bus fumes, bike exhausts, cars etc without getting sick, I guess I can survive anything...it truly is an experience I never imagined myself going through! I would not like to do it on a permanent basis...I would take precautions (I see many women on bikes and they use the dupatta (scarf) from their sharlwar kameeze as a face covering to keep the fumes out of their faces and of course to protect their skin from the wind and dirt and pollution...Indian women are very careful with their skin, nails, hair etc.

August 16, 2003 – Funny Story-The World is Full of Guys Like This!!

2006-09-14T17:50:00.000+03:30

Well, to day was an interesting morning. Yesterday Ravin’s mother saw some numerologist, palm reader advertised in the newspaper and wanted to go, or Ravin wanted to go...he is 95 years old! and he asked if I wanted to also,...was not quite sure but he said the price is only 108 rps...(don't know why such a price but it must have some significance)...and besides the only way he managed to get an appointment so quickly was because he said he was bringing a foreigner. So of course I went.
We left at 9 AM and headed over to a part of Chennai that I had not seen yet...don't remember the neighborhood but will check later.( Anna nagar i think)

I've seen fancy areas here, but this was the poshiest I've seen in this town...the houses could have easily found themselves in Herzlia Pituach or Kfar Shmaryahu (very exclusive Tel Aviv suburbs)...not one of the more elegant but certainly would do no disservice to the neighborhoods....although they are quite close to one another, one was more impressive than the other as we drove past...each with it's own unique design and special features...we drove for quite awhile through this neighborhood...think it was Main Road 13 if I am not mistaken...and then all of a sudden turned off onto a side street and everything changed. It was like driving into the old neighborhoods of South Tel Aviv like HaTikvah...the roads here were a little wider, but otherwise...it was so similar...small houses packed closely together with small courtyards in front of the house, I could have closed my eyes and imagined stopping into a small restaurant for pita and hummus. We found the address we were looking for after asking several people along the way, and came through the gate into the courtyard. A man came out and placed plastic like Keter chairs for us in the yard and invited us to sit...it was only 9:40 and the appointment was at 10:00...All of a sudden an old, bald, toothless man comes to the door literally shouting...I have not heard shouting in India.. and quite aggressive shouting at that..."go away! go away! come back at 10:00...go away!!" Well, we jumped up and Ravin says "I do not like that man-I want to go back and shout at him also":...but his mother and I ushered him to the car...she telling him basically to cool it and behave...I said "When you are 95 you can shout at people also"......"but he was so rude...he has no right to be so rude"...we left...and I imagine if it was up to Ravin, we would not have come back, but his mother just assumed it was an idiosyncrasy of age and his occupation and we had nothing to loose by coming back. So we drove off, chastised and hot and found a place to sit in the car and drink some pleasant south Indian coffee...Ravin sulking outside and his mother and I inside the car amused by his youthful passion...we then stopped to buy some nice vegetables at a local shop and by then it was time to head back...again we sat in the courtyard, as other people started to come also.

BTW...the courtyard was equipped with both a well with string and bucket and a hand pump...something I imagine you will not find in South Tel Aviv..anyway..

After seeing the house, which had on either side of the front door, two plastic trees in pots...one apple, one orange...just perfect for the setting (!) and little lights going on and off like Christmas tree lites...and then seeing the guy...I felt as if I was sitting and waiting with all the other supplicants in the courtyard of the Baba Sali or some such guy (and as you know, you would never find ME in one of those places).....but very normal looking people were coming through the gate to sit and wait as we were. About 10:10 we were ushered into this miniscule room, which was more like a foyer, with the old guy sitting on the floor at one end and a straw mat on the floor...Ravin sat down first, his mother sat on a small stool behind me, and I fit myself into the remaining space on the mat on the floor.

There was an overpowering smell of incense in the room...not pleasant as usual...but truly overpowering...as if trying to drive away all the strange energies I was feeling in the room...I knew that this was going to be "interesting" if nothing else, but certainly was not going to hear anything of use to me. He started by asking Ravin everything possible about himself and his life as if he were filling in a job interview application, or medical family history report...including the correct spelling of his name, his birthday, his medical history, his parents ages etc., etc., etc. and then asked what he came for advice about....in short...he basically spent 20 minutes saying nothing but nonsense and in the end told him if he gives him 5000 rupees he can do a puja for him and then everything will be fine within a month or so...health job etc. in short...bullshit

Then came my turn!
Again, where am I from, what is my name (I spelled it for him and he said for a name like that I need a few more letters in the alphabet!),,,etc., etc. and after finding out everything possible about my life, number of children, husband, divorce (was it a love marriage?..what could I answer him?)...he commented that in all his 95 years he has never seen someone in a love marriage live together for 25 years and then get divorced...he really couldn't figure it...especially when he asked what his (Judah's) bad habits were...drink, smoke, women and I said he had none...he is a good man...he was really confused...but whatever
Asked what I came for advice about so I said money and men. Basically told me nothing but asked me if I really want to get married again...what for?? Then he asked what age husband I would like...so I couldn't tell him I would like a young one, so I said between 50-60...then he said "Why not marry me"?? He has a young woman sitting in the next room who helps him and she was laughing harder and harder as the conversation went on..."Don't you like me?"...etc...it was quite funny...then he told me since he could not comprehend that a 56 year old woman would want to get married again...told me the best thing is for me to go live in an Ashram!
Anyway..bottom line...pay 5000 rupees and he will do a puja and then I will meet the perfect man who will take care of me, protect me and my children as well...ok...long and short is...the guy is a fake, charlatan, typical of guys like this all over the world, preying off desperate people who have no money usually but lots of problems...you find them all over the world...

But it was quite funny at the time and all three of us went away laughing...I said for 108 rupees it was a really cheap form of entertainment for the morning

Impressions and Where They Come From

2006-09-14T15:13:00.000+03:30

August 16, 2003

The following few posts will also contain some interesting stories...in no particular order.This will be a collection of short notes I've jotted down and scribbled along the way and never gotten to writing up in actual order, but since it doesn't really matter when or where they happened, I can simply begin writing and continue this until I get all the odd notes cleared away...hope it won't take too long...the problem is, that everyday different surprises come along, so catching up on "old stuff" or putting ideas and thoughts down on paper becomes difficult.

I have not "come away" to sit writing all day...this is just a by-product of a journey into the unknown of India and myself...so far, most things have come from the "inhalation" and "absorption" of external events, acquaintances and places-and the impressions are the results of my "digesting" them with my own personal prejudices and past life experiences...no two people understand or perceive the same event, see the same place, or meet the same person and come away with the same feelings and energies...so -what you read now, as you have until now, is what has been processed by what has become the me of today...I imagine that even 6 months ago this too would have been different, and when I re-read my journal from 2 years ago, I realize how different I am today than I was then...our perceptions do change as we ourselves change-which is one of the things which makes our lives as dynamic as they are-if we are open enough to allow the flow of energy, thoughts, impressions etc. to flow without resistance.

Today is my last day here and I am feeling a little sad...not about moving on, but about leaving here...it has been an extraordinary 3 weeks in my life...a true eye-opening learning experience and I will be ever grateful to Ravin the nudnick for not letting up over all the past months and finally convincing me to come...anyone else would have given up on me a long time ago with my constantly saying "no"...but he never relented and it was a truly memorial period of time for me.

I did a trial packing earlier today and was amazed at the amount of stuff that fits into the bag I bought...Everything I planned to take is in and a there is still room to fit in a couple of more things....I still have to put my hand purse in and my light backpack, so that will fill up the remaining space....I am quite pleased, but know I will begin to get butterflies as the train trip approaches, so have packed my Rescue in an easily accessible place and will Reiki ahead for extra protection and peace.